10/01/2025
Hang in here with me (if you want to 😉) I have something on my heart of a nature I don’t typically share on social platforms.
In a recent therapy session with a Father and son. As you might correctly assume, they struggle to communicate feelings and thoughts in productive and caring ways. Pretty impressive they reached for an outside resource for assistance.
Dad to me: “if he’s so angry, then why doesn’t he just leave?”
Me: “because his love for you and your relationship is more important to him than what he is currently feeling.”
Dad at first looks like I just slapped him…. But then… then he begins to cry. Cry hard. He didn’t strike me as an easy cryer. I’m guessing he’s not since the adult son had never seen his father cry.
Something broke in that moment for Dad… for the son. What broke were walls… misconception, social ideals on male emotions (especially between father and son).
I have been doing this work for almost 30 years. As far as I can remember, I don’t think a father and son have come to me together.
I can’t stop thinking about this session, about them and about all the thoughts, personal narratives, feelings that stacked up in every part of their lives together.
And I can’t stop thinking about myself, my relationships, and humanity.
Some believe or were taught that feelings aren’t real, valid or important…. Some believe or have been taught that feelings are the ultimate guide, all things bow to feelings. And then there are those who might have been blessed enough to have been taught that feelings are real and valid and important but they serve only as a tool to aid our navigation. Most of us had to stumble our way into that last truth. (Looking at you Gen X… oh and you Boomers 😉)
Here’s my wish for you if you’re reading this …
Look at the people in your orbit. Get clear on why you’re in those relationships. Chances are, it’s about more than feelings… and more than obligation. It’s about love….and love is always worth the work. And love by nature collects feelings but it’s not a true feeling… it is a choice.
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
