09/24/2025
🚨🔥 GHOST FIGHTS 🔥🚨
When you've never been allowed to have a voice your brain creates imaginary fights.
You sit there for an hour rehashing a conversation.
You create the whole story in your head: what they say, what you say, how it blows up, how it falls apart, what you’re going to do about it, what you’re not going to do about it.
Then the spiral starts: what did they mean? → let me call five friends and ask what they think. → what did they mean really? how do I deal with that?
Real-life ghost fights look like this:
You think Sarah at work being passive-aggressive and a bitch → you rerun a fight all day in your mind instead of working, ready to slap a stapler in her forehead. Your whole body language shifts, your energy tanks, and your day is blown. And truth is — what Sarah did may not have had anything to do with you, but you’re convinced it does.
Your mother-in-law slips a snarky comment about the way you're beautiful baby's hair looks and oh they only got a granola bar for breakfast... when you drop the kids off → oh, now you're the worst mom in the world and you know she's telling everybody all about it.. and you fight her in your head the entire drive home, you call your husband and bitch to him about it the whole way there then when you're at work you call one of your best friends and you have a breakdown in the bathroom crying for 20 minutes and then you're in trouble cuz you're late for a meeting.
Your husband doesn’t back you up → now you’re spinning the story that he doesn’t want you anymore, doesn’t want s*x, your marriage is falling apart.
A teenage boy lying awake all night in terror replaying what a bully said in class, scripting the perfect comeback, the fight telling his friends and he's living in anxiety every day and never said a word to anybody about it.
A 45-year-old man, recovering from a heart attack that he hasn't told anyone about and everyday of his life he re-arguing custody battles with their ex.
A 60-year-old walking the dog while rehearsing money fights with their brother over their parents will.
A 28-year-old already drained on the couch, imagining tomorrow’s blowup with their boss, cuz she didn't make a deadline.
Your whole body language changes. Your energy changes. You are ready and at war!
Meanwhile, your nervous system thinks every bit of it is real. Cortisol spikes. Blood sugar swings. Muscles lock. Sleep dies. You wake up exhausted from fights that never happened and it turns inward. You keep yourself up all night with the same brutal loop:
What the f**k is wrong with me? Why do I do this? Why can’t I stop this? Why am I like this?
The pressure builds. Until it finally blows. The implosion bomb.
This hits hard for all of us but I see the fallout in men in a different way, because men are pushed even harder and more brutally to be stoic. Don’t cry. Don’t talk about feelings. Don’t need anyone. God forbid you show any emotion, don't you dare.
We now have generations of men in emotional crisis because their nervous systems are chewing them alive in silence. They ghost fight until they implode. And it breaks my heart, because I see it every day.
How to catch yourself in the loop:
Jaw clenched, fists tight, heart racing — but nothing’s happening.
Replaying the same line for the 20th time.
Already planning three different fallouts before the conversation even starts.
Exhausted before anything in real life has even happened.
How to stop it (real tools):
1. Say it out loud: “I’m ghost-fighting right now.” catch your head.
2. Shock the loop: ice plunge, cold shower, or ice bath for your face, hands, or feet.
3. Anchor: name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you feel.
4. Dump it: write a page, record a 90-second voice note, or scream in the car.
5. Tap your chest with your hand while saying: “I’m overwhelmed and I’m looping. I’m overwhelmed and I’m looping.”
6. Somatic movement: dance, bounce, or shake your body to burn off the trapped energy.
7. Replace it: say one real sentence to one safe person in real life.
Case Study: Derek (34)
Mid-divorce. Living in ghost fights. Freeze → shut down → explode → smash things → drink → disappear.
His childhood: an abusive alcoholic father. Verbally, physically, emotionally and spiritually cruel. A tyrant, a bully, the kind of man who said, “I’ll give you something to cry about.” People laugh at that line — but in reality it’s terrifying and diabolical. His mother? A ghost in her own house, silenced and bruised.
Derek learned young: don’t talk. Don’t feel. Survive.
As an adult, his brain just kept fighting the battles he could never fight out loud.
🥰 The Rehab: The Therapy and the walk back home to himself. 🥰
Talk therapy → finally telling his story out loud.
Somatic trauma therapy→ breathwork, fascia release, safe voice practice. EMDR resets → helping his brain reprocess trauma and calm his central nervous system.
Nutrition → steady meals to stabilize blood sugar and hormones.
Movement → daily walks, yoga , somatic breath work to reconnect breath and body.
MMA training → burning rage in a healthy, powerful outlet instead of destruction.
Family counseling → learning to set boundaries, speak up for himself, and build a real toolbox for healthy communication.
3 Months Later: Derek sleeps through the night now, Cortisol down. Glucose stable. He isn’t living in ghost fights. He’s calmer, speaking instead of imploding, moving instead of smashing, fighting in the gym instead of in his head. And for the first time, he’s learning to use his voice without fear.
If your day gets wrecked by imagined fights, if you’re stuck in the loop that ends with an implosion bomb — this is not weakness. It’s a nervous system loop. And you can break it. Talk therapy + EMDR + somatic trauma therapy = freedom. That’s the work I do. Message me if this is you.
