11/13/2022
🚨 Trigger ⚠️ Warning 🚨 (shootings/bullying)
Long post for even me 🙃
**picture at the end is from 2014-2015..
With so many new friends and followers, I get asked all the time if I was ever voted the Homecoming Queen, if I was popular, etc. Let me paint a picture for you: 1) I had a body of a very curvy/developed adult by the age of 15 2) I was VERY good at my cheer and dance stuff, and 3) I refused to drink, do drugs (yeah, back then kids would call you a loser and laugh at you instead of respecting your choices)
I was a real loner in my high school for the most part. I was a social butterfly, so I hopped around from table to table in the cafeteria and in class, chitchatting, etc., but I never had a group of real/true "friends" until I started dating someone who had all their friends at a different high school. I remember begging my parents to let me go to the other school, even busted out "they have an incredible engineering program"... didn't work.
My Junior and Senior year were spent hating school and only wanting to be with my friends at the other school because l was bullied RELENTLESSLY by the freaking same cheer team I was on. I will never understand why they made it ok to make me the one to pick on, but I tried my best to tune them out, until one day, I had a daydream that I got violent (pewpew 🔫) with the leader of my bullies. It happened when we were on the bus to go to the school to the football game, and I had broken my neck but still wanted to support my teammates (I don't know why 🙄 they all hated me except for like 3 people). I had a stiff brace, and an eyepatch because I had developed an eye ulcer in because I slept with my contacts (remember broken neck... I was in too much pain to walk to the bathroom to take them off lol). They make me cry so hard that week, but usually it was always them spreading horrifying rumors, making fun of my body and thunder thighs, or the fact that I didn't drink and they were slob-kabobs with their alcohol. But one night right before competition, we were forced to bunk with 3 other teammates. They took turns ripping me apart, calling me every slutty name in the book, made fun of everything I loved... it broke me. I TRIED to silently cry pretending to be asleep (they could still hear me, but I was too hurt and defeated to move and my parents hadn't come to this particular comp). It was hell. I truly wish I had been homeschooled.
That daydream scared the crap out of me. I told my parents, they got me in counseling, but I made everyone promise not to tell anyone. My therapist told me that having so much pent-up anger from being hurt over and over by my peers can easily result in a daydream like that... it's when you can choose not to ACT on it that makes you a success. Of course, I would never do that, but yeah, it was an experience to say the least.
Let's just say, college was much better than high school for the most part. Of course there's always roommate drama and crap like that, but overall, I had so much fun at Texas A&M. I was at a huge school with a small theatre program, so it was perfect. I had great friends, and unfortunately, once again, I just didn't "fit in" around my Senior year in college. I started to pull away and just cling to my fiancé at the time. Fast-forward, I just stuck to being besties with my work and dove into choreography for the rest of my days.
I honestly feel like now, in my thirties, I have only a handful of ladies and one guy that's, yes, just a friend, that I rely on, laugh with, can be my weird Disney-loving, dance-obsessed self without EVER feeling left out, or anything like that... they are my TRIBE. And I am
So
So
So
Grateful ♥️🫶
However, SOMEBODY (one of my original bullies) is going around saying I was never the TEXAS A&M INTERNATIONAL UNIVERSITY HEAD CHEERLEADING COACH AND THAT ALL I WANT IS CLOUT.
Boom bi***es.
-Jessie
