12/16/2020
Learn your own Language!
Right or Wrong
Both are powerless
Without your attention!
-Shreekalp
This “Sutra” (principles for life) is written by H.H. Swami Shreekalp. How can this sutra help someone to come into the awareness of their own inner intelligence and guide them through the daily struggles of life! What does it mean to learn your own language?
Let us try to understand this from a good parenting perspective of disciplining children?
Shreekalp, believes that parenting is an opportunity to nurture and shape the dreams of your child. Getting to know your child, their interests, their dreams, what motivates them is all part of the upbringing. Loving your child is important but monitoring and disciplining their behaviors is the complex part of parenting!
Create your own style of discipline as per the need of your child! Sometimes you may have to be a drill sergeant, sometimes the goofy parent and other times you must shower your love and affection by being their best friend. Every child is different and comparing your style of parenting to that of someone else may not be beneficial to the outcome you have in mind!
While teaching your child the difference between right and wrong behaviors you too are learning your own language (style) of parenting. Your instincts, intuitions of parenting do’s and don'ts are all part of learning your own language. Your style may not be the best, but in your heart, it feels right, then that is your style! Let us see if I can clarify this in a simpler way.
As a parent your intention is to teach the child that unreasonable demands and behaviors have consequences. So, when a child is demanding your attention for a toy, a tech gadget, or junk food and showing bursts of anger then as a parent do you cave in or be firm till the child understands that not every demand is reasonable?
Maybe you have the urge to scold your child or take away their privileges when their grades fall, they stop listening to you, or they are not meeting your high expectations of them. Would reprimanding them constitute the right way of parenting? Or would you feel disappointed and blame yourself for being a failure as a good parent? Should you feel guilty?
There may be times when you are overwhelmed with life’s responsibilities and did not heed to your child’s desire of being a firefighter, a fashion designer, a painter, or a truck driver and you pushed them to try harder to get into the Ivy League school. In your own mind you justify your behavior as having the best intention for their own good!
Maybe being a truck driver is just a phase or maybe they really have the inner calling. Neither of you know what the future has in hold. There’s no growth in being right all the time. Would it be better then, to allow them to explore their true essence of being? Would it mold them into being the person they want to be?
If you expect the child to obey everything you have to say or if you do nothing when the child misbehaves then in both cases it looks robotic and there is no mental and emotional development. Sometimes children are right and other times they are wrong! It will go on as it is a flow of life!
For the proper mental and emotional growth of a child one must let them learn from the consequences of their behaviors. Allow them to make some mistakes so they come to certain realizations on their own! Don’t always do their laundry for them! Otherwise, parenting will be a big burden, cause tremendous stress and hinder the development of the child. Accepting their mistakes and paying attention to what you are learning from their mistakes might help you be a better parent in the long run.
Shreekalp says that realizing, accepting and correcting your mistakes along the way is part of learning your own language. Does it mean that you are supporting wrong behavior? Mistakes are mistakes! But, sometimes you may be confused if you made the Right or Wrong decision. Let your intuition, your inner voice guide you to understand what works in the best interest of your child! You both must learn from each other what works for you to build a healthy relationship.
Allow your child to spread their wings under your guidance. Remember, it is easier to influence the behavior of a child, than to punish them as they look up to you. Pay attention and your child will help you find plenty of clues for joyful parenting. Learn your own language of parenting!
