15/04/2025
I’ve been in a bit of a self-pity party since early September. I will not go into full detail, but for a little bit of context: Quite literally all of my dreams were falling into my lap in May 2024.
I left my corporate job for my dream job as the director of operations at a lesson barn & its sister nonprofit! I was going to be running equine programs for little to no cost in my community, introducing horses to people who otherwise would never get the opportunity to ride/be around them! I was going to be rescuing horses from the slaughter pipeline & giving them a chance at a new beginning! I also found out I was pregnant with our double rainbow baby!
To say the summer was difficult would be the understatement of the century. However, I stayed the course because I knew things wouldn’t be easy starting a non-profit and helping rebuild a program that was struggling.
All of my professional dreams came to a crashing halt in September when I discovered that my morals/values did not align with those of my employer.
Since then, my husband and I have been barely scraping by. Every month, we’re in the red. He’s taken on additional work, while I’ve tried since September to find a job that will work for us (either remote or pays enough for child care).
Just recently, I’ve been presented a freelance/commission opportunity that I’m really excited about. I’m also writing more children’s books & waiting to hear back from some agents to hopefully get them published! These are SO far out of my comfort zone- if you know me, you know ya girl likes guaranteed consistency. I’m analytical af & not good with the unknown.
Then my birthday was on Sunday & it just made me so….sad. We have a 3 month old now, and we decided to celebrate my birthday with family next weekend - which normally wouldn’t bother me - but I think that + pp hormones + my current financial status all came together for this perfect storm of sadness.
Yesterday, I was in this weird space of super depressed about where I am in life & feeling like it’ll never get better, but also super optimistic & excited about what the future could hold. It was very weird.
Today, I decided that even if I'm feeling sad, depressed, angry, etc it's time to end the pity party. It's time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again! (Aaliyah would be proud)
The Waning Moon symbolizes release. I'm releasing the negativity of the last year. I'm releasing the anger and the hurt that I feel from what happened. I'm releasing the naive girl who didn't see through the smoke and mirrors.
The New Moon symbolizes a sacred pause, the womb filled with darkness but also rich with possibilities. This is the moment of trust, when you can't see the light, but you believe it's coming. Although I can’t see the goodness that’s coming, I’m trusting and believing it’s there & on its way to me.
The Waxing Moon symbolizes growth and renewal, building new light! Entering a new and empowered phase of life. I will learn and grow from this, and I will be better because of it.
I am Letting Go.
I am Trusting.
I am Growing.
