Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is what is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or person who explained it to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening . . . Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.
Alice Walker, Living by the Word: Essays
04/25/2026
Something I recognise in my work that can lead to self loathing or a harsh inner critic. Actually you were a ‘genius’ in terms of adapting to an environment but now it’s really getting in your way. https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1CUeF3aaH7/?mibextid=wwXIfr
There’s a haunting feeling that often creeps into our lives; it’s deeper than loneliness or rejection. It's the nagging thought that if we vanished, our absence wouldn’t a difference. Would anyone genuinely notice we were gone?
In 1981, sociologist Morris Rosenberg identified a vital concept that shed light on this experience: mattering. He observed that despite having supportive families, many adolescents felt fundamentally unimportant. The crucial factor wasn't love; it was the belief that their presence had value, that they made a difference in the lives of others. Mattering is that deep-seated assurance that others acknowledge you and would feel your absence keenly.
This sense of mattering transcends belonging or popularity; it speaks to the unique essence of feeling valued. Extensive research since Rosenberg's time has drawn alarming connections between a lack of mattering and issues like depression, anxiety, violence, and su***de. A striking statistic from a study of Reddit’s su***de watch forum revealed that nearly 70% of posts expressed the desire to simply matter.
The good news is that mattering can be cultivated. It grows in the connections we nurture, the impact of our work, and how we engage with those around us.
For insights on how to foster a sense of mattering in your life and the lives of others, check out my latest piece in the How to Live Newsletter.
Irvin Yalom, in The Gift of Therapy (London: Piatkus, 2008, p.179), captures the essence of the therapeutic profession: “Life as a therapist is a life of service in which we daily transcend our personal wishes and turn our gaze toward the needs and growth of the other. We take pleasure not only in the growth of our patient but also in the ripple effect—the salutary influence our patients have upon those whom they touch in life.”
This profound reflection sheds light on the deep sense of purpose and fulfilment that comes from dedicating oneself to the well-being and growth of others. It's a reminder that the impact of therapy extends far beyond the sessions themselves, influencing the lives of many through the positive changes in each patient.
💡 Key Significance to Therapeutic Practice: Yalom’s words remind us of the noble calling of therapists, who not only support individual transformation but also contribute to the broader well-being of society through the ripple effects of their work.
🌊 Takeaway: Whether you are a therapist or someone who supports others in any capacity, remember the powerful impact your guidance can have. It's a call to embrace our roles as facilitators of growth, celebrating the journey and the far-reaching effects of the positive changes we help to instigate.
Share this post to honour and inspire all those who dedicate their lives to the service of others, reminding us of the profound influence we can have on the world, one person at a time. 🙏
03/23/2026
“If I let myself really understand another person, I might be changed by that understanding. And we all fear change. So as I say, it is not an easy thing to permit oneself to understand an individual,”
Carl R. Rogers. On Becoming a Person
03/23/2026
The parity of esteem we have been promised by successive governments has failed to materialise yet again…
New research has identified three biologically distinct ADHD types linked to genetics and treatment response.
Read our coverage of the study via the link in the comments.
03/04/2026
As therapists we are constantly questioning, exploring, expanding whilst honing in on detail and holding an over viewing perspective. This sits alongside a requirement for us to be consistent, offering a grounding space.
The clients who sit in my therapy room are not weak. They are brave. They are willing to question themselves. They come in with uncertainty; with the capacity to say, I might be part of this. Somewhere inside them there is a crack in their certainty, and that crack is where growth happens.
The people who cause the most damage in families, organisations and public life often cannot tolerate that crack. They may be intelligent, persuasive, powerful. They may command rooms and shape narratives. What determines their impact is their capacity for flexibility. The ability to rethink. The willingness to absorb challenge without turning it into attack.
I wrote an article this week about rigidity and power. After the escalations over the weekend, it feels even more urgent.
I am thinking about conviction; about authority; about who seeks therapy and who does not. I am thinking about the gender imbalance between those who do the emotional labour and those who hold power. I am thinking about what happens when certainty goes unexamined.
Therapy, at its best, builds accountability. It strengthens the muscle that allows us to feel discomfort without discharging it into others. It deepens our capacity to recognise our impact and repair when we have caused harm.
Mental health is the capacity to live in reality as it is, and to take responsibility for the effect you have on the people around you.
That is psychological maturity.
This is a free Substack piece, tap the link in my stories to read 📧
01/16/2026
Not promoting the course but what he says here about different types of tiredness makes a lot of sense from my experience with clients describing their experiences of it.
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Making the decision to try therapy/counselling is not one usually taken lightly. What is going to happen? Will it be hard? Will it be painful? Will it help or make things worse? These questions and many others are one of the reasons that I offer a free/discounted half-hour introductory session (cost depends on venue) so that we can meet and get to know each other a little, giving us an opportunity to talk about any concerns that you may have.
As a person-centred, humanistic practitioner (more about that later) I set out to work with you on what ever you choose to bring to the session, what ever that may be. The therapy space is a safe place where we can explore thoughts, feelings or behaviours that are troubling you in an atmosphere of non-judgement and acceptance. We will go through the contract between us where we will look at confidentiality, and then we can begin wherever you would like to.
The therapeutic relationship is a unique one where you come to spend time with another person who is basically a stranger to begin with, and with whom you may decide to talk about some very personal, difficult or painful stuff. Building trust is therefore is a very important part of our time together.
Now for some practical stuff! I have private indemnity insurance and adhere to the professional frameworks of the 2 bodies that I am a member of: the UKCP and the BACP. I am an accredited member of the UKCP (The United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy) and a member of the BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy). These organisations are there to regulate the profession and my regular clinical supervision ensures that I am working ethically and maintaining best practice.
My training is as a Level 7 (band 7) Person-Centred & Experiential psychotherapist and have also had Cruse Bereavement training, Substance Misuse training, Safeguarding, Panic and the Inner Critical Voice and many other Continuous Professional Development workshops. I have been in practice for 5 years and have worked in various fields including working with people who have had various mental health diagnoses as well as those who have suffered domestic violence, sexual abuse etc. Every ones experience is different and so therefore is the work we do together.
If you would like any more information, please feel free to contact me for a chat or to book an informal initial session. The cost per hourly session is between £35 and £45, dependant on venue.
