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Monday 10am - 2pm Tuesday 10am - 2pm Wednesday 10am - 2pm Thursday 10am - 2pm

Kay Bela Coaching, Lititz, PA (2025)

01/21/2025

Dealing with ruminations can be… confusing, to say the least. They persist no matter how we try to stop them, whether that be getting mad, ignoring them, or distracting ourselves. How do we work with ruminations if we’re not supposed to ignore them, get mad, or try to make them stop by telling them to shut up?

How can I ease my ruminations?
BE KIND. Many of us have identified that this hypervigilant self acts like a childhood version of ourselves—clients will say, “When this happens, I feel like I’m 5 and my mom is yelling at me.” Turning TOWARD yourself with kindness helps us learn to acknowledge the source and know how to respond.
LISTEN. There is a core need that your mind is telling you it needs. Does it feel unsafe? Does it need to cry? Does it need to yell or set a boundary? Does it need warmth?
MEET THE NEED. Once you’ve listened, meet the need in the best way you can. Utilize any of the five senses to soothe yourself, release the emotion, or talk it through with a trusted friend or professional.
LEARN. Then learn more skills to work through that core wound and calm the hypervigilance. Our body and mind are VERY intelligent and don’t try to get our attention for no reason. Ruminations are not there to annoy you– they’re there to guide, teach, and help you see a problem so you can address it.
PRACTICE. As with anything, it will take practice to learn to listen to yourself in this new way, so do your best to be patient with yourself as you practice and try to understand this new conversation with your body and mind.

How can I help?
I provide customized resources and encourage clients to utilize EMDR to help reduce trauma/stress responses and help the brain move this memory to the long-term memory process so it doesn’t bother us like it did before.

Then, together we explore various avenues for coping skills and the habits/strategies that work best for you to learn what works. Throughout your journey, I provide accountability to see how it’s going and what's most helpful, so we can build on that.

I am currently not accepting new clients or appointments, but plan to start operating as normal within the first few months of the new year.

See you soon!
Kay

01/17/2025

One of the main struggles many of us have with ruminations is the more that we try to stop, get angry, or distract from them– the more they persist. So why can’t we just wish them away or distract from them? Why do they persist?

What are ruminations?

They are not just annoying thoughts. They often stem from echoes of our past– telling us we are unsafe and we NEED to be hypervigilant to find safety, a sense of control, personal value, connection to others, etc. Sometimes it can feel like our very lives depend on our attention to these hypervigilant thoughts. So to ignore or get angry at these thoughts, only makes the sense of danger intensify.

How do they work?

In our brains, we have the amygdala. This is commonly known as the control center for things like fight, flight, and freeze responses. When we have trauma around a certain topic or issue, our brain can get stuck in this fight, flight, or freeze mode. Any time something reminds us of a trauma, we are set off as if it happened yesterday.

This happens because the trauma has had difficulty processing and being stored in our long-term memory and gets stuck in the short-term memory, known as the limbic system. This means our body and mind feel like the traumatic event just happened in the moment when we were activated.

How can I help?
I provide customized resources and encourage clients to utilize EMDR to help reduce trauma/stress responses and help the brain move this memory to the long-term memory process so it doesn’t bother us like it did before. We’re able to have a more adaptive response that doesn’t derail our whole day– or longer.

Then, together we explore various avenues for coping skills and the habits and strategies that work best for you to learn what works. Throughout your journey, I provide accountability to see how it’s going and what's most helpful, so we can build on that.

I am currently not accepting new clients or appointments, but plan to start operating as normal within the first few months of the new year.

See you soon!
Kay

01/07/2025

A topic that has been on my mind a lot lately is ruminations. In my experience as a therapist and personal sufferer of anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive features, and a history of addiction and codependence-related issues– ruminations plagued my life.
You may be asking “what exactly are ruminations?”
Ruminations are a mental compulsion that makes us repeat negative thoughts or dwell on negative feelings from the past. This can look like constantly being reminded of an embarrassing moment from your past or worrying about all the ways an upcoming presentation is going to go. Essentially, you are playing the same scenarios in your head.
Why am I experiencing them?
There are so many different reasons you may be experiencing ruminations. Sometimes, it’s an attempt to predict how something will turn out so you can prevent a future bad scenario, solve a problem, try to make sense of a situation, or feel some sense of control. Other times, it’s more a form of low self-esteem, self-deprecation, self-sabotage, guilt, or shame to name a few common reasons. While the causes for ruminations can vary from person to person, one thing that is common is that these thoughts tend to plague our lives and cause us to feel anxious or depressed.
How can I help?
I provide customized resources and use EMDR to help reduce trauma/stress responses. Then, together we explore various avenues for coping skills and strategies that work best to help you lessen the effects of these thoughts. Throughout your journey, I provide accountability to see how it’s going and what's most helpful, so we can build on that.

I am currently not accepting new clients or appointments, but plan to start operating as normal within the first few months of the new year.
See you soon!
Kay

01/01/2025

Happy New Year 🥳 I know this past year has been full of ups, downs, and everything in between for all of us. Here’s to 2025 being about improving ourselves so we can enjoy our lives to the fullest and be ready for any curveballs that life throws at us unexpectedly. What are some goals you are setting for yourself this year?

12/25/2024

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Holidays whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, no holiday, or anything else this time of year. I hope you can spend it with the people you care about and who care about you. ♥️

12/19/2024

How can I handle myself when I feel activated?

While EMDR helps to get to the root, I get asked a lot about how to respond in the day to day when they are activated.

As a general step by step, these are usually the steps I encourage clients to take:
-Notice the activation
-Notice where it’s coming from (memories, people, etc.)
-Notice how you WANT to respond
-Look at the Facts vs. Feelings by asking “what are the facts in the situation?” Or “Is there any evidence letting me know that this response is valid?”
-Choose how you WILL respond

This is also known as a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) skill often called “Fact vs. Feelings” and “Acting As If”

An example may look like:
-Notice the activation: My friend laughed at me when I tripped. I felt unsafe with this person, like they will bully me.
-Notice where it’s coming from: This reminds me of when I was a kid being bullied.
-Notice how you WANT to respond: I want to shut down, shut them out of my life and drink alcohol.
-Look at the facts and any evidence that this is/is not a valid response: I know that this friend is laughing WITH me, not AT me because they have proven themselves to be a loyal, kind, safe friend. I also know alcohol will numb these feelings, not help me work through them.
-Choose how you WILL respond: I’ll communicate my feelings with this friend because we care for each other. I’ll also work through this activation with EMDR and my therapist.

In this way, we are drawing awareness to our state and its source, facing and validating our feelings (instead of avoiding, dismissing, or numbing), and handling ourselves in a healthy way that will lead to healthier outlets and relationships with others.

I hope this helps! I am currently not accepting new clients or appointments, but plan to start operating as normal within the first few months of the new year.

See you soon,
Kay

12/16/2024

As pregnancy carried on, this new euphoria waxed and waned with hormones and pregnancy symptoms that included HUGE spikes of anxiety and frequent panic attacks at times. I worked through it with patience and persistence, listening to my body and my needs.
I said no to a lot of what brought me joy and purpose, but I knew it was just a break.
I practiced asking for help and verbalizing my needs
I spent a lot of time reflecting
I asked myself “What do I need most right now?”
I apologized when I was out of line because someone had “tripped a wire” with a trauma trigger or I had a mood swing and snapped. Then I would work on that issue to lessen my activation for next time through EMDR.
I tried to take it one thing at a time and did a lot of necessary prioritizing to lessen stress and overwhelm.
I cried and released my emotions
I comforted my younger self
I made myself visualize a better future self, rather than letting all my fears replay on loop.
I opened up to trusted friends about my fears and listened to how they worked through it.
I got a doula who was trauma-informed and worked with people who had histories like mine.
I found an OBGYN practice with great reviews, uses very trauma-informed practices, and supports those like me who had histories like mine with great prenatal and addiction support, counseling groups, and therapy for pregnant and postpartum moms “just in case” so I’m connected now, I don’t have to worry as much about finding support if I end up with postpartum depression and anxiety.
I stayed connected to activities and people who brought me joy and peace, even if it meant the ways I had to participate changed— like watching and exercising, rather than playing a sport.
I grieved without guilt— which may sound funny. With any change, there is often grieving of the past, even when we’re excited about it. By allowing space to feel our emotions, rather than shame ourselves for our feelings, we create a healthy transition to a new stage.
If having a child or family is something you desire but are scared to even consider — just know I am here for you and with you on this journey into the great unknown and unexpected world of pregnancy and parenthood.

12/13/2024

After I began to heal through EMDR alongside my commitment to sobriety, I found a strong love for life. I felt more ready to share this love for life with a little one– however, as you could see in my previous pregnancy post, I still had my fears about being pregnant and bringing a child into this world, given my mental health history. I was so worried I’d end up in a dark place again.
Eventually, despite my fears, I took the leap and we got pregnant— surprisingly quick. I was ecstatic and felt my mindset shift instantly as I looked down at the pregnancy test and realized that all those fears and anxieties didn’t matter— I would figure it out.
A few mindset shifts came to mind like:
It wasn’t just me anymore.
I would be a kick-ass mom (not because I was perfect, but because I would do the best I could – and show my little one that it is okay to not be perfect)
I would teach him all the lessons I learned about mental health, resilience, loving life, and more.
I’d get help if I needed it.
I now had the tools and the skills to work through the anxiety, fears, depression, and trauma responses.
It didn’t mean I wouldn’t struggle, it meant I knew myself well enough to know I would figure it out. If I made it through everything else, I could make it through this next chapter.
With these new thought patterns coming up about my pregnancy and how it will affect my life, I became hopeful. Even when I saw the pregnancy test and realized those fears and anxieties didn’t matter, I knew I couldn’t just forget about them.
EMDR is safe to do during pregnancy and I continued with it– along with my own therapy, building a supportive pregnancy support network of a doula, caring midwives and doctors, supportive friends and families with experience, and educational classes on pregnancy to support a healthy, resilient, calm mind around parenthood.
More than anything, when we face new challenges and stages of life, it’s okay to be scared of walking into the unknown. Your greatest asset is pressing IN to that discomfort and using the skills at your fingertips.
While I will be out on maternity leave, I’d be happy to work with you on this when I return in the spring.
See you soon,
Kay

12/10/2024

Has anyone ever told you to CALM down during a panic attack? Well, while being told to CALM down may feel unhelpful in the moment it can also be a useful reminder for a way to help you through your panic attack. One technique that I have found super helpful when dealing with panic attacks is the CALM technique and to me, one of the best parts is that it is easy to do and remember.

What is the CALM technique?
The CALM technique is when you name things that start with the letters C, A, L, and M. That’s it. Seems pretty easy right? The hardest part is to practice using this outside of having a panic attack. By doing this it makes it easier to know what to do in the moment when you are experiencing a panic attack. You know how they say practice makes perfect? Well, that applies to the mental health techniques that you keep in your toolbox as well.

How does it work?
During a panic attack, we often experience racing thoughts that induce anxiety making it difficult for us to experience the emotions we are feeling in that moment. By utilizing this technique you are able to shift your focus from those anxiety-inducing thoughts which can help you experience, process, and understand the emotions that caused you to start having a panic attack in the first place initially.

How can I help?
In working together, we assess the problem, talk about what’s working and what’s not working, and create a game plan for moving you forward. I love using an integrated coaching and counseling approach to help you achieve your goals because there is so much power in learning skills AND processing our emotions in a safe space with someone.

I am currently not accepting new clients or appointments, but plan to start operating as normal within the first few months of the new year.

See you soon!
Kay

12/05/2024

Throughout my time as a therapist, I have found that a lot of people have a hard time identifying why they are experiencing panic attacks.

While each person may have different underlying reasons for their panic attacks, some general causes of panic attacks may look like…
Stress: Stressful events or chronic stress can cause us to start experiencing panic attacks whether it be from work, finances, family, or past experiences.
Substances: Stimulants like caffeine can increase anxiety and the likelihood of you experiencing a panic attack.
Physical changes: Physical changes that are brought about by injuries or prolonged illness can cause us to experience anxiety as we worry about things like whether we’ll get better or be able to go back to normal.
Past experiences: Traumatic events, bullying, or abuse in the past can put you at risk of having panic attacks in the future.

What can I do to help myself?
One way of dealing with panic attacks is to focus on how you’ll feel after the stressor has passed. This helps to reassure yourself that everything will be ok and that you will make it through the discomfort.

Another easy way to deal with a panic attack is to look around the room. While you’re looking around, name the items you are seeing. By doing this you are shifting the focus in your mind away from anxiety-provoking thoughts to the present moment.

How can I help?
I provide customized resources and encourage clients to explore various avenues to find coping skills and strategies that work best for them. Then, I provide accountability by checking in to see how it’s going and what's most helpful, so we can build on that.

Visit the “Appointments” tab on my website, to set up a free consultation or you can follow this link: https://kaybelacoaching.com/appointments/

See you soon!
Kay

12/02/2024

Have you ever experienced a panic attack and wondered what you could do to help support yourself while you feel the emotions from it? Here are some simple grounding techniques that can help support you during a panic attack that uses the 5 senses.

What is it?
For this technique, we are going to use our 5 senses to identify things in our environment to help calm our minds from racing thoughts while still allowing the emotions to come through during the process. All you have to do to start is look around the room and identify 5 things you can see. Next, identify 4 things you can touch and think about what they feel like. After that, we are going to focus on 3 things you can hear. Then the last two steps are to identify 2 things that you can smell and 1 thing that you can taste.

How does it work?
By doing this during a panic attack you can shift your focus from anxiety-provoking thoughts. This allows you to think more clearly in the moment and gain a better understanding of the emotions that you are experiencing.

How can I help?
I provide customized resources and encourage clients to utilize EMDR to help reduce trauma/stress responses. Then, together we explore various avenues for coping skills and the habits and strategies that work best for you to learn what’s best for you. This includes a whole list of tools like this one to help with panic attacks. Throughout your journey, I provide accountability to see how it’s going and what's most helpful, so we can build on that.

Visit the “Appointments” tab on my website, to set up a free consultation or you can follow this link: https://kaybelacoaching.com/appointments/

See you soon!
Kay

11/28/2024

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone enjoys spending some time with their friends, family, and chosen family❤️

Kay Bela Coaching

01/21/2025

01/17/2025

01/07/2025

01/01/2025

12/25/2024

12/19/2024

12/16/2024

12/13/2024

12/10/2024

12/05/2024

12/02/2024

11/28/2024

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Monday	10am - 2pm
Tuesday	10am - 2pm
Wednesday	10am - 2pm
Thursday	10am - 2pm