Through the Fog

07/07/2023

Sometimes, I manage to actually leave the house...

23/06/2023

Chronic illness, the gift that keeps on giving.

Arthroscopic shoulder surgery to remove a bone spur and extensive calcification on my tendon as well as repair a labral tear. And now I get to rock this next level sling for the next 6 weeks.

19/06/2022

Banc of California Stadium] your accessibility and your event staff are terrible!

Waited 2 years for a concert only to miss the entire first act because your parking attendants couldn't tell me where the ADA parking was even though the first person I asked was literally working the entrance to the lot with ADA parking. Had to argue with staff to get a reasonably close parking and then had to argue with more staff to access the entrance nearest the parking lot. And at the end of the night when I took 2 whole steps out of the exit only to realize that was not the nearest exit to my vehicle, your staff refused to let me reenter and I proceeded to have to walk all the way around the outside of the stadium. Each time I had to explain my condition (something I should never have to do to get accommodations).

Train your fu***ng staff and put up some signage! Banc of California Stadium]
the ADA is more than just ramps and seating!

30/04/2022

9 years ago, I suddenly became horribly I'll with the flu and pneumonia. I was completely knocked me on my ass for 2 whole weeks and it was another week before I was able to go back to work full-time. At the time, it was the worst illness I'd ever experienced.

6 months later, I injured my shoulder in a car accident and it just wouldn't bounce back. A few more months and I got trigger finger for the first time and I started to develop Psoriasis on my scalp. And then my knees started swelling and the pain escalated quickly.

It took 2 more years to get a diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis. 2 years of being told that my weight was the cause. 2 years of being told I'm was too young to have arthritis (Spoiler Alert: that did not change the fact I did indeed have arthritis).

While I will never know definitively, I strongly suspect that it was the trauma of the flu and pneumonia that triggered my autoimmune disorder. I have no known family history of autoimmune disorders or Psoriasis, so I have very little to go on as to why I got so lucky.

Its strange to look back on that time and remember how miserable I felt and then to realize that, that feeling is now my norm.

18/02/2022

First social outing since developing CFS 5 months ago and I made it a damned good one!

Did it take me the better part of 2 days to get ready to leave the house for this? Yes.

Am I going to crash hard after this? Probably.

Was it worth it? Absolutely!

13/02/2022

Reposted from .molnar Is it me being salty or is it super annoying for everyone with any chronic or long-term health struggles?

I think anyone who suffers from these is already trying everything and anything to get better, so unsolicited advice can be very triggering for several reasons. For me it always feels like I’m not doing enough and it’s somehow my fault for being stuck in the loop. Of course that is my projection, but nonetheless… it is uncomfortable, no matter how kindly put or how well meant.

Sometimes I just want to unload the burden of not being well by saying it out loud. Sometimes I just want to complain about discomfort that I’ve been living with for decades. Sometimes I just want to destigmatize not being okay for me or for others. And sometimes… when I explicitly ask for it, I want solutions and advice.

Not only regarding illness but problems in general, the question should always be: “Do you want help, or do you just want to feel things right now?”

10/02/2022

Chronic illness is hard enough to comprehend for those of us that live with it everyday and it's nearly impossible for those who don't have first hand experience to understand.

Spoon theory uses spoons to represent energy/capacity. People with chronic illnesses have far less spoons to work with than healthy people. Before CFS, I probably had 40-50 spoons per day at my disposal. Now, I run on about 15 spoons a day (on a good day) per this chart.

Here's what a typical day looks like for me:
Didn't sleep well -1
Get out of bed -1
Get dressed -1
Take pills - 1
Read -2
Surf the internet -2
Make & eat a meal -3
Light housework -3
That leaves me with 1 spoon and having eaten only one meal.

Chronic illness is a full time job.

10/02/2022

07/02/2022

New post up on the blog now. Link in bio.

07/02/2022

I did my nails!

I used to do my nails every 2-3 weeks religiously. I'd spend a couple of hours zoned into this task. It was therapeutic. It was self-care.

This is only the second time I've managed to do them since took up residence 4 months ago. I had to spread it out over a couple of days, but I did it. It took my therapist making it my homework assignment for the week, but I did it. I did it. And it felt so damned good.