Ashley S. Holcomb, PsyD, Psychologist

12/29/2025

New Years brings a wonderful time of reflection and goal setting. It can feel like a fresh start or a deep breath before taking on your newest project. But it may also feel like a lot of pressure to get your resolutions right and to make them stick. If you’ve experienced childhood trauma, you may not have confidence that you can make sustainable life changes. After all, while your peers were figuring out how to navigate health choices, finances, or relationships, you were trying to stay safe. In this post, I’ll give you some practical tips for setting your resolutions this year that will help you *actually* do them.

New Years brings a wonderful time of reflection and goal setting. It can feel like a fresh start or a deep breath before taking on your newest project. But it may also feel like a lot of pressure to get your resolutions right and to make them stick. If you’ve experienced childhood trauma, you may ...

12/15/2025

After spiritual trauma, you may feel like every aspect of your faith has been tainted by the trauma. Holidays bring added pressure to practice your faith in a way that aligns with your family and maybe with the church that abused you. Perhaps your family understands and empathizes with your experience, but they may also not grasp why you are hurt. They may even insist that you continue to practice your religious tradition over the holidays, and maybe in the same religious setting in which the trauma occurred. You may not be able to avoid these conversations with family, but you can have a strategy for how to deal with them. In this post, we’re going to talk about a strategy you can use to cope with going home for the holidays.

After spiritual trauma, you may feel like every aspect of your faith has been tainted by the trauma. Holidays bring added pressure to practice your faith in a way that aligns with your family and maybe with the church that hurt you. Perhaps your family understands and empathizes with your experience

12/09/2025

The holidays can be a difficult time for many of us, especially those who have experienced family trauma. You may find yourself unable to shake the feeling that anything could go wrong. In this post, we’ll talk about why trauma survivors on eggshells at the holidays and I’ll offer an alternative way to engage with your feelings this holiday season.

The holidays can be a difficult time for many of us, especially those who have experienced family trauma. You may find yourself unable to shake the feeling that anything could go wrong. In this post, we’ll talk about why trauma survivors on eggshells at the holidays and I’ll offer an alternative...

12/01/2025

Everyone wants to give their loved ones a thoughtful gift during the holiday season. As parents, we dream up the best recipes, the best holiday activities, and the best traditions to make a magical Christmas for our families. But all that planning can also lead to parental burn out, and a burned-out parent = stressed-out kids. That dream of a magical holiday season is suddenly soured by perfectionism, unnecessary conflict, and a lack of familial connection. In this post, I’ll offer three ways to give your families the gift of peace and family bonding this holiday season.

Everyone wants to give their loved ones a thoughtful gift during the holiday season. As parents, we dream up the best recipes, the best holiday activities, and the best traditions to make a magical Christmas for our families. But all that planning can also lead to parental burn out, and a burned-out

11/11/2025

Negative thought spirals, or ruminations, are the repetitive and obsessive focus on negative thoughts, feelings, or past events, without reaching a solution. This can become unproductive quickly, leading to increased feelings of anxiety, depression, helplessness, and more.In this post, I’ll share about what causes negative thought spirals and offer alternatives to help you better manage emotional problems (without the spiraling).

Negative thought spirals, or ruminations, are the repetitive and obsessive focus on negative thoughts, feelings, or past events, without reaching a solution. This can become unproductive quickly, leading to increased feelings of anxiety, depression, helplessness, and more.In this post, I’ll share ...

11/05/2025

Avoidance can be a difficult problem for trauma survivors. A major aspect of post-traumatic stress is avoiding people, places, or even thoughts/ feelings that could remind you of the traumatic event. The problem is, coping means dealing effectively with problems, and it’s impossible to deal with a problem if you are avoiding it.

Check out my latest blog post!

Interested in trauma therapy in Clovis, CA? Reach out today to get started on your healing journey.

Coping can be a difficult problem for trauma survivors. A major aspect of post-traumatic stress is avoiding people, places, or even thoughts/ feelings that could remind you of the traumatic event. For the complex trauma survivor, this poses an even more difficult problem.

10/27/2025

Finding it hard to wind down after work? Do you end up doom-scrolling, binge eating, or staying up too late rather than really relaxing?

Many people struggle to tap into healthy coping strategies at the end of a long day. In this post, I share three, cost-free coping strategies that you can do at home tonight.

Finding it hard to wind down after work? Do you end up doom-scrolling, binge eating, or staying up too late rather than really relaxing? Many people struggle to tap into healthy coping strategies at the end of a long day. In this post, I share three, cost-free coping strategies that you can do at h

10/21/2025

Are you and your spouse drifting apart because of too much conflict? You’re not alone. Many survivors of trauma struggle with conflict resolution. In this post, we’ll explore conflict resolution and I’ll provide practical ideas on how to solve problems together without ruining your relationship.

Are you and your spouse drifting apart because of too much conflict? You’re not alone. Many survivors of trauma struggle with conflict resolution. In this post, we’ll explore conflict resolution and I’ll provide practical ideas on how to solve problems together without ruining your relationshi...

08/10/2023

Got to meet up with today for a great chat this morning! Eunice owns a group practice in Fresno and helps teens address the “elephant in the room” so they can have a better tomorrow. She has some great content as well so check out her page!

06/01/2023

“Conflict is a way for us to express our needs to our partner,” I say to clients. Many of them reply, “Can’t I just…not have needs?”

For many of us, relational conflict can feel intimidating or downright scary. If you have experienced complex trauma, your fear of conflict may be rooted in real experiences of unsafe conflict. A parent or former partner may have become belligerent at the smallest voicing of a need. It may have been safer to “just not have needs” than to risk a bad reaction. That can make it difficult to voice those needs now, even in a completely different situation.

Put simply, no, you can’t not have needs. Everyone has needs, and you have a right to have needs, wants, feelings, ideas, and dreams of your own. Pushing down those needs can actually lead to an eruption of uncontrolled emotion, causing conflict to become an intense and heated argument.

When you learn to honor your needs, you can find a way to voice them that is calm and clear. When you learn to voice your needs, you give your partner an opportunity to succeed in meeting or validating those needs. You also give your partner permission to voice their own needs in a calm and clear way. When your partner has the opportunity to meet your needs (and you meet theirs), you create an emotionally safe space of trust with your partner where you both feel seen, loved, and cared for.

Navigating relational conflict after experiencing trauma can be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to begin your trauma healing journey today.

01/31/2023

Many of us learned that certain emotions, usually the negative ones, are “bad.” We may have learned this very directly, being told to “check our attitude” or that “big boys don’t cry.” Or we may have learned it indirectly, having our most intense emotions ignored or gaslit. Most people carry these lessons into adulthood and have a strong sense that negative emotions are “bad” or even “destructive.”
 
But emotions are just bodily signals that tell you what you like and do not like. It’s like the feeling of hunger or thirst. They are natural signs of what you want or need.
 
It is what we DO with emotions that matters. Our behaviors can be good or bad, moral or immoral, productive or destructive. You can have a negative feeling and still make a good (or even productive choice).
 
Let’s consider anger. Anger is typically seen as out-of-control, destructive, and bad. But anger is the normal reaction to something happening to us that is unjust or unfair. Maybe you find out that your boss is engaging in wage theft and you (reasonably) become angry. I think we can agree that attacking your boss would be immoral and also not productive. That will not get you out of this situation, nor will it get you your money back. However, pushing down your anger will not solve this problem either. Anger, used healthily, can help you be motivated to quit this job, find a new job, and hire a lawyer to get your wages back.
 
Emotions are neither good nor bad. They just are. Behaviors can be good or bad. Learning how to be in touch with your emotions can help you use those emotions in a productive and healthy way.
 

01/24/2023

“I’m afraid to feel my emotions because I don’t want to be seen as weak.”
 
Sound familiar? I hear this mentality a lot. But I truly believe that the reality is the exact opposite.
 
Knowing your emotions doesn’t make you weak. Emotions are extremely powerful tools because they tell us what we care about. So, in reality, knowing your emotions makes you much stronger because you know what you want and why you want it.
 
Additionally, vulnerability also opens you up to other people. While that may seem scary at first, it often makes other people more comfortable with you. And that increases the chances they will want to be close to you.
 
That being said, the reality of the world we live in is that some people will take advantage of others and their vulnerability. But how a person responds is a big clue about if they are a trustworthy person or not. Being vulnerable gives you a chance to see who your real friends are.
 
I suggest creating an inner circle of people that you trust (2-3 people) that know you and that you feel safe with.  You can be vulnerable with them and (most importantly) vulnerable with yourself. This gives you a place to have your needs met and keep yourself safe from untrustworthy people at the same time.
 
Getting comfortable with your emotions is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can help. Reach out to begin your healing journey today.