Bustan Therapy, Los Angeles, CA (2025)

09/02/2025

Overthinking is the process of repeatedly analyzing, worrying about, or dwelling on a situation or thought without taking any productive action. Instead of resolving issues, we can become stuck in a cycle of endless considerations.

Common Signs of Overthinking:
1. Inability to Make Decisions. Even simple choices feel overwhelming.
2. Constant Worry: Persistent anxiety about the “what ifs” of everyday life.
3. Difficulty Sleeping: Troubling thoughts can keep you awake at night.
4. Physical Symptoms: Headaches, tightness in the chest, and gastrointestinal issues can occur.
5. Excessive Self-Criticism: You may replay conversations in your head, wondering if you said or did the right thing.

When left unaddressed, chronic overthinking can have serious consequences:
1. Increased Stress and Anxiety: Overthinking naturally heightens anxiety levels, creating a vicious cycle.
2. Impaired Mental Health: Issues like depression may worsen when the mind is in overdrive.
3. Strained Relationships: Constant worry can lead to misunderstandings or excessive neediness, impacting personal and professional relationships.
4. Reduced Productivity: Spending too much time thinking can mean less time doing, hindering your goals and daily tasks.

Small, intentional changes that can help manage—and even overcome overthinking:
1. Journaling- Write down worries or concerns. This helps you process emotions, reducing mental clutter.
2. Plan and Prioritize- Use to-do lists or productivity apps to stay organized and prevent overwhelm.
3. Practice Gratitude- Focus on the positives in your life. A gratitude journal or daily affirmations can shift your mindset.
4. Limit Rumination- Set a “worry window” of 10-15 minutes per day. Outside that timeframe, gently remind yourself to refocus on the present.

09/01/2025

1. Rewire your nervous system and learn how to self-soothe.
Rewire your nervous system by sitting with the discomfort of not reaching out when you crave reassurance, observing how the panic peaks and then dissolves.

2. Understand & heal your core wounds of abandonment.
Hand-in-hand with nervous system regulation work is the healing of our core wounds and negative core beliefs — which for most anxiously attached people revolve around a fear of abandonment. Study the childhood roots of your attachment hunger-trace back to specific moments when you felt emotionally abandoned, and grieve them fully.

3. Build your sense of self-worth, self-respect & self-trust.
Healing an anxious attachment style by improving self-worth involves shifting your source of security inward through self-awareness, self-compassion, and prioritizing your needs, rather than seeking validation from others.

4. Diversify your energy across all areas of your life.
When you feel clingy, redirect that energy into a creative act- channel the intensity into art, writing, or movement instead of seeking external validation.

5. Figure out what your needs are, and start voicing them.
For most anxiously attached folks, the default mode is to self-abandon and defer to what our partners (and others) like, think, want, or prefer. A huge part of your growth will come from figuring out what your needs, desires and preferences are, and then stepping into the (uncomfortable) space of voicing them. This will challenge you to not only take up more space, but to actually receive — which for a chronic overgiver, can be a real edge in itself.

6. Learn to set (and respect) boundaries in a healthy way.
Experiment with being the one who sets boundaries first- notice how it feels to protect your energy instead of always accommodating.

08/31/2025

1. Pause and Breathe for one minute.
To respond rather than react, pause to take a few deep, conscious breaths when you feel triggered. This simple technique creates a mental space, allowing you to calm down, gain clarity, and choose a thoughtful response instead of an impulsive, emotional reaction.

2. Name the emotion that you are feeling.
To respond, not react by naming the emotion you are feeling, use the “Name It to Tame It” technique by pausing, observing your internal experience, and verbally labeling the emotion (“I feel angry,” “I’m feeling scared”) to reduce its intensity and create space to choose a thoughtful response instead of an impulsive reaction.

3. Bring awareness back to your body.
One simple technique for responding, not reacting is bringing awareness back to your body. First pause, then notice physical sensations, observe your emotions, and breathe to ground yourself in the present moment. This mindfulness practice creates space between a trigger and your response, allowing you to make a conscious, calm choice rather than an automatic reaction.

4. Write your response out before you speak.
By writing your thoughts down before you speak, you create a necessary pause that shifts you from an impulsive reaction to a deliberate response. This practice allows you to process emotions, organize your thoughts, and communicate more effectively, particularly in emotionally charged situations.

5. Approach your feelings with curiosity not judgment.
To move from reacting with judgment to responding with curiosity is a conscious practice that builds emotional intelligence and strengthens relationships. A reaction is a knee-jerk, emotionally charged response, often based on bias and a need to be right. A response is a more thoughtful, intentional, and empathetic action.

08/30/2025

For many, the word “aggression” brings to mind conflict or harm, but healthy aggression is entirely different. It’s about asserting boundaries, pursuing needs, and reclaiming your energy. This natural force allows us to say “no,” stand up for ourselves, and express our emotions authentically. When expressed appropriately, healthy aggression is life-affirming, helping us live with clarity and confidence.

Below are five key characteristics of healthy aggression:
1. Boundary setting.
It allows you to say “no,” define your limits, and protect yourself from being overwhelmed or exploited.   2. Assertive communication.
It manifests as expressing your needs and emotions clearly and respectfully, without attacking, blaming, or threatening others.   3. Goal-oriented energy.
Healthy aggression is a pure, life-affirming energy that fuels the drive to move forward, achieve goals, and reclaim personal power.   4. Self-awareness.
It involves recognizing your aggressive feelings, understanding their root causes, and exploring the underlying needs they signal.   5. Control and clarity.
It is expressed with a grounded, controlled presence, enabling a response that is both powerful and compassionate.   How to cultivate healthy aggression:
* Acknowledge and explore: Allow yourself to feel anger or aggressive energy without immediately suppressing it or acting out destructively.  * Develop assertiveness: Learn to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly and effectively.  * Practice self-compassion: Develop a sense of inner safety and connection to support your ability to express your aggressive feelings healthily.  * Learn to manage anger: Recognize anger as a signal to examine your needs and values, and develop strategies for expressing it constructively.  .

08/29/2025

1. Challenges With Trust and Emotional Intimacy.
It’s natural to struggle with trust and vulnerability after experiencing abuse and broken trust in childhood. For trauma survivors, vulnerability can feel unsafe, and expressing emotions might have previously resulted in rejection or harm. As a result, you may have developed coping mechanisms, such as emotional withdrawal or repression.

2. Fear of Abandonment or Rejection.
Feeling unsupported in childhood and internalizing the belief that you are unworthy of love can create a fear of abandonment, leading to persistent anxiety. If this resonates with you, reflect on whether you tend to cling to your partner, overanalyze situations for signs of rejection, rely too heavily on them for emotional support, or push them away at the slightest hint of abandonment. These actions can unintentionally create the very situation you fear.

3. Struggles With Boundaries.
Childhood abuse often involves blurred or violated boundaries, making it difficult to establish healthy boundaries in adulthood. This might show up in intimate relationships as challenges asserting your needs, respecting your partner’s boundaries, or maintaining your sense of self. These struggles lead to resentment, burnout, or emotional exhaustion.

4. Difficulty Regulating Emotions.
As children, we learn to regulate emotions through our caregivers’ example. However, childhood trauma can leave us without healthy emotional coping skills. Reflect on how you respond to stress or conflict in relationships—do you have intense outbursts, withdraw, or shut down? These signs of emotional dysregulation can create a toxic cycle in relationships, leaving partners feeling overwhelmed, confused, or hurt. As conflicts escalate, this can lead to further disconnection and misunderstanding.

08/28/2025

1. Constant Nervous System Dysregulation.
Constant dysregulation is a sign of toxicity that can often go unnoticed or be attributed to other things. If a relationship leaves you feeling drained more often than it leaves you feeling fulfilled then it is not a healthy relationship. And if you are constantly walking on eggshells, you know you do not feel safe in the relationship.

2. Toxic Communication.
Toxic communication in relationships often involves patterns like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, which erode trust and increase conflict. Toxic communication patterns create an environment of perpetual conflict and can lead to can lead to emotional harm and the breakdown of the relationship.

3. A Lack of Trust.
A lack of trust in a relationship stops that person from being someone you feel you can rely on and be vulnerable with. A lack of trust can be about fidelity, but it can also manifest in feeling like your partner isn’t there for you or isn’t acting in your best interests.

4. A Reduction in Your Self Esteem.
One of the impacts of a toxic relationship is that it affects your self esteem. Healthy relationships bring out the best in you. They are nourishing and make you feel good. They are supportive and help you achieve your dreams. Bad relationships can leave you feeling worthless and like you don’t deserve any better.

5. Abuse.
Not all toxic relationships are abusive but all abusive relationships are toxic. If someone is physically abusing you, or you physically abuse them then this is a serious red flag. No one should have to spend time with someone who abuses them whether the abuse is physical or emotional. Leaving an abusive partner can be incredibly difficult but there are lots of places you can find support including the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.

08/27/2025

Trauma and emotional dysregulation often go hand in hand. When faced with overwhelming situations, individuals who’ve experienced trauma may find their emotional responses feel more intense than those without similar experiences.
Below are five reasons why childhood trauma can significantly impact an individual’s emotional regulation skills.

1. Amygdala Hyperactivity.
Traumatic experiences can lead to an oversensitive amygdala, the brain’s fear center, making it difficult to calm down once triggered. 2. Prefrontal Cortex Impairment.
The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought, decision-making, and emotion regulation, can show reduced activity, hindering a person’s ability to manage intense feelings. 3. Hippocampus Impact.
Traumatic events can negatively affect the hippocampus, which is involved in memory processing and recall, leading to fragmented or distorted memories. 4. Lack of a “Co-Regulator.”
In a typical developmental process, children learn to regulate their emotions through a consistent, soothing adult (a co-regulator).  5. Emotional Invalidation.
Trauma often occurs in contexts where caregivers were unable to provide this support or even actively invalidated the child’s emotions. This lack of co-regulation hinders the development of self-regulation skills.   Consequences of Emotional Dysregulation:
1. Intense Emotional Responses:
Even seemingly minor events can trigger powerful emotional reactions because the brain’s threat system remains oversensitive.
2. Difficulty Identifying Emotions:
Survivors may struggle to label their feelings or lack the emotional vocabulary to express them.
3. Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms:
To cope with overwhelming emotions, individuals may resort to maladaptive behaviors, such as self-harm, substance abuse, or developing eating disorders.

08/26/2025

The experience of grief and loss is one of the most difficult aspects of being human. It is especially difficult when we are already struggling with chronic illness or trauma patterns, and then the death of a loved one occurs at the same time. While you can’t rush grief, you can help your body feel safer and more supported. If you’re struggling to find balance, below are five ways to build a flexible nervous system and care for yourself in grief:

1. Ground Yourself in the Present.
* Place your hands on your heart or belly and take slow, deep breaths.
* Name five things you see, four things you hear, three things you feel, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.
* Walk barefoot on the grass or hold onto something comforting (a warm mug, a textured blanket).

2. Move in Ways That Feel Good.
* Gentle movement like yoga, stretching, or slow walks can release stored tension.
* If you feel stuck or numb, shaking out your hands and legs or dancing to music can help bring energy back into your body.

3. Use the Power of Sound and Touch.
* Humming, singing, or listening to calming music can activate the vagus nerve, helping shift your nervous system out of survival mode.
* Weighted blankets, warm baths, or self-massage can create a sense of safety and containment.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Rest.
* Your body is working hard to process grief. Extra sleep, naps, or simply lying down with a podcast or book can help.
* Resting is not the same as doing nothing—it’s allowing your body to heal.

5. Connect With Safe People.
* Grief can feel isolating, but co-regulation—feeling safe in the presence of others—can help settle your nervous system.
* This doesn’t have to mean talking about your grief. Sitting in silence with a trusted friend, cuddling a pet, or receiving a hug can be just as powerful.

08/25/2025

1. Name It to Tame It.
Acknowledge when you’re feeling anxious because of uncertainty. Labeling the emotion activates the prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate the amygdala’s freak-outs. Simply saying, “I’m feeling anxious because I don’t know what’s going to happen” can create a small but powerful shift.

2. Shift from Outcome to Process.
Instead of obsessing over things you can’t control (like whether you’ll get that job), focus on what you can control (like preparing for the interview). This redirects your brain’s energy from excessive worrying to productive action.

3. Practice Exposure to Uncertainty.
This sounds counterintuitive, but intentionally putting yourself in uncertain situations can build tolerance over time. Start small: let an email sit in your inbox without responding immediately, or make a decision without over-researching every option. The goal isn’t to eliminate discomfort but to prove to yourself that you can trust yourself to handle whatever happens.

4. Cultivate Mindfulness. Mindfulness practices like deep breathing or meditation can help calm the amygdala and reduce the stress response. When you notice your brain spinning out with “what if” scenarios, you can acknowledge them without getting caught up in them. It’s like watching a train pass through the station instead of boarding it and going along for the ride.

5. Reframe the Narrative. Uncertainty isn’t inherently bad; it’s just uncomfortable. Reframing uncertainty as an opportunity rather than a threat can change your emotional response. Instead of thinking, “I don’t know what will happen,” try, “I’m curious to see how this unfolds.” This helps build resilience. Another helpful reframe: uncertainty means possibilities. If you don’t know how something will turn out, it could just as easily turn out well as poorly.

08/24/2025

Below are a few reasons why inherently good things are hard for you to trust, make you feel uncomfortable, or push you to minimize any acknowledgment or compliment given to you.

1. A “catch” is expected.
If kindness or praise was used by an abuser as a a prelude to mistreatment or manipulation, the brain becomes conditioned to associate positive feedback with an impending threat. The nervous system stays in “survival mode,” scanning for hidden motives behind a compliment.

2. Challenges a negative self-view.
Many trauma survivors internalize the belief that they are fundamentally flawed or unworthy of good things. A compliment directly challenges this ingrained view, creating psychological distress and internal conflict.

3. Triggers shame and anxiety.
Hearing something positive may trigger a shame spiral, especially in survivors of childhood trauma. The internal dialogue might say, “If they only knew the truth, they’d think differently,” leading to feelings of being a fraud.

4. Activates the inner critic.
A harsh inner critic often develops as a coping mechanism for trauma. Its goal is to maintain a sense of control by constantly judging and criticizing the self. When a compliment arrives, it’s treated as a threat to this system of self-protection, triggering anxiety and fear.

5. Fear of expectations.
For those with low self-esteem shaped by trauma, praise from others can create a pressure to live up to perceived expectations. This triggers a fear of failure and eventual rejection, making it seem safer to reject the compliment outright.

6. Discomfort with vulnerability.
Accepting praise requires a level of vulnerability that can feel deeply unsafe for survivors who have been hurt by intimate connections. Rejecting compliments is a subconscious way of pushing people away to prevent future pain.

08/23/2025

Dissociation is a coping mechanism children sometimes use during frightening or overwhelming experiences. It is a psychological survival tool children use when they feel helpless, afraid, or unable to escape a dangerous situation. When children dissociate, they mentally block off thoughts, feelings, or memories about the traumatic experience.

Below are four ways dissociation helps in childhood trauma:

1. Detachment from reality.
A child may mentally block off or distance themselves from the details, feelings, and memories associated with a traumatic event, making it feel less real or like it’s happening to someone else.   2. Emotional distance.
Dissociation creates a psychological gap, reducing the intense emotional pain and fear associated with a traumatic experience.   3. Internal coping mechanisms.
A child might develop different “parts” of themselves or imaginary companions to handle distinct emotional situations, enabling them to adapt to vastly different circumstances.   4. Preserving functioning.
By disconnecting from overwhelming stress, a child can conserve mental energy to survive, allowing for a temporary “escape” when there is no actual escape from the traumatic situation.  
Dissociation can help children cope with traumatic experiences in the moment, but sometimes dissociation can begin to happen in non-traumatic situations.

The downside of this “help”:
* While helpful for immediate survival, dissociation can become a maladaptive coping strategy.  * It can make it difficult for a child to develop a stable sense of self and can interfere with emotional regulation and connection to the present moment as they grow into adulthood.  * It’s crucial to seek support from a trauma-informed professional to develop healthier coping skills and process the underlying trauma.

08/22/2025

1. Eyes Closed Meditation.
Closing eyes during meditation can be challenging and potentially harmful for individuals with trauma, especially those with PTSD. Closing eyes may lead to increased internal focus, potentially triggering flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and emotional overwhelm. Similarly, some individuals with trauma may feel unsafe and vulnerable with their eyes closed, losing a sense of control over their environment.

2. Breathing based meditation.
In some cases, breathing-based meditation can be harmful for trauma patients. Focusing on breath can be a trigger for some trauma survivors, potentially leading to flashbacks or emotional flooding as the physical sensations might be linked to traumatic experiences. Similarly, trauma often disrupts the autonomic nervous system’s ability to regulate itself. Intentional attempts to control breathing might interfere with the body’s natural regulation process, potentially increasing anxiety or panic.

3. Loving kindness meditation.
While loving kindness meditation (LKM) can be beneficial, it’s crucial to acknowledge potential risks and difficulties for individuals who have experienced trauma. LKM traditionally encourages focusing on the self with kindness. However, individuals with trauma often struggle with intense self-criticism and shame. Directly targeting the self with LKM without preparation can activate these negative self-evaluations and increase distress rather than fostering compassion.

4. Body scan meditation.
Body scan meditation involves paying close attention to bodily sensations, which can lead to the activation of memories, thoughts, and physical feelings associated with trauma. For some individuals, focusing on internal experiences can be overwhelming and trigger intense anxiety, physical pain, or a sense of mental distress.

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