Collaborative Divorce Association of North Jersey

24/04/2020

There’s room in the zoom for you! First CDNJ happy hour was a success! Thanks to all who participated - stay well, stay safe, stay positive!

27/03/2020

Divorce Coach —The Role of a Divorce Coach in Collaborative Law Divorce by Laura Van Tassel, Esq.

Imagine being emotionally devastated by the fact that you are getting a divorce. And then imagine being asked to sit and discuss the “business” of the divorce. Could you sit in that meeting with a clear mind? That’s where a divorce coach comes in.

Collaborative Law recognizes that a divorce, business or family dispute is not just a legal event – it is an emotional event as well. The collaborative process is based on the belief that families can get through divorce in a more emotionally healthy way. This happens when you are able to interact and communicate with each other in a respectful, honest and open manner.

Collaborative Law addresses this through the use of a “Divorce Coach or a ” Collaborative Coach” to assist in business or estate matters, or other Collaborative cases that have either a relational or an emotional component.

Coaches are trained to teach you and your spouse helpful communication and self-management skills which are necessary for your settlement discussions and in your post-divorce co-parenting. Strategies for communication around decision making and problem-solving are critical to ensuring that your needs and interests are clearly expressed.

A coach is a mental health professional who helps clients navigate more effectively through the difficult aspects of a case. However, a “Divorce Coach is not the same thing as a therapist. The main job of the coach is to help the client(s) address and work through anything that may be getting in the way of productively coming to an agreement. Although divorce coaches are usually thought of in the Collaborative Law context, they are also frequently used in mediation.

Here are a few things a Collaborative coach might help a client with:

Understanding why a particular topic is difficult for the client to address and using tools to work through that.

Work on effective listening.

Work on effective communication.

Helping the client become more comfortable speaking up for him or herself.

Identifying the client’s interests (what’s important to the client).

Considering the other person’s interests (what’s important to the other)

In some collaborative divorce cases the coach works directly with the spouses to craft the parenting plan. The coach also provides education about the best practices related to supporting children through divorce, and the various ways a parenting plan can be developed.

A coach can assist with most of the challenging dynamics associated with the divorce process. However, a coach does not act as a therapist or a medical provider and should not be considered a substitute for these other professionals.

Coaching Models

There are two main coaching models: one-coach and two coaches:

The one-coach model consists of a single coach working with both participants in a neutral capacity. In a way, the coach in a one-coach model acts as an informal mediator to help the parties come to a place where they can work effectively together. The coach will usually do separate introduction meetings with each client followed by a joint meeting. The coach may recommend either joint or separate meetings going forward.

The two-coach model. Each client will have their own coach in a two-coach model. Coaches in this model tend to be more aligned with their individual clients as opposed to the neutrally-oriented one-coach model. Each coach will meet with their respective client separately, but both coaches will also meet with both clients in a “coaching 4-way.” The coaches will typically communicate with one another to share insights, ideas and client concerns. Sometimes a third coach will act as the neutral coach, working with both clients and both individual coaches.

Every Collaborative Law case is a client-centered and custom-designed to suit the needs of the particular client. Because each case is unique, each coaching arrangement is unique as well. It’s important to note that in some cases many do not use coaches at all. Coaches are optional and simply many not be needed in some cases.

I invite you to take a look around my site and explore the easier, less costly alternative ways to divorce including mediation and collaborative process. These are family-friendly processes of negotiation that strive for a win-win resolution. visit: www.vantassellaw.com

23/03/2020

Pandemic Co-Parenting
By: Sharon Klempner, MSW, LCSW, BCD

Separated? Divorced? With children? When getting together, or marrying, and having children, most couples never imagined coming apart. Yet it happens. Situations occur, feelings change and separation or divorce becomes a reality. Whether you, or he or she, wanted not to live with each other, you had to decide how to share your children. Being without your children, at times, having different parenting styles, feeling strongly, one way or another, about each other are just some of the mountains to climb to ensure your children’s physical and emotional well-being. It’s not easy and, for some, monumentally difficult. A comprehensive Parenting Plan, followed by both parents, makes life more predictable and stable for all.

Enter a pandemic. How does life change? No school, no friends, no movies, teams, and many other no’s. Is one parent at home now, without a job? Does the other parent have a strategic job they can’t leave at this time? Is a stepparent the only one at home during work hours? Do both parents agree on observing stringent safety precautions and how to cope with limitations on lifestyle? Are there parental or child health issues that need to be addressed? These are just some issues that can provoke a reasonable co-parenting situation, not to mention those who are still struggling.

Please read:

1. Health first
Stay informed and be sure your children are following reliable CDC local and state guidelines for hand washing. Model that behavior, wipe down surfaces frequently touched and practice social distancing.

2. Be Available and clear
Calmly explain the situation, in an age appropriate manner, to each of your children, but protect them from media coverage. Be open to answering their questions truthfully, at their level. Help with a discussion and some explanation or possible solutions to their concerns.

3. Respect
Follow court orders as much as possible. Don’t be emotional when communicating with the other parent. Keep it to ‘business’ when you have differences. Consider their thoughts and feelings.

4. Be Forthcoming
Share honestly with each other, what you have and have not been doing relating to this situation. Protecting your children from exposure needs to be primary. Listening and understanding of the other parent is also a gift to your child.

5. Work hard
Be diligent in working together for the safety of your children. Make reasonable accommodations to keep stability but be flexible, always putting your children’s needs for physical safety and emotional comfort first. These unusual times will be imprinted in their memories. You have the power to affect some of those memories. When older, your child will note and appreciate your cooperative co-parenting, even in difficult times. They love you both…support that.

6. Play fair
Try to note and understand what this predicament means to your co-parent.Are they out of work and need to pay child support? Are you the recipient of that? If so, can you endure or offer some ‘wiggle’ room to the other parent? If you are financially better off, can you be generous, ad settle things later? If will affect your child.

Doing what’s right for your children will engender more calm in yourself. Being an effective and protective parent is of the highest order. Be there and be proud!

Sharonklempner.com

03/02/2020

Melissa Donahue, LCSW is the Unit Leader NASW-NJ for Bergen and Passaic County. On January 27th, she invited Shireen Meistrich, LCSW to present a program on collaborative divorce to the Bergen-Passaic social workers. Both Melissa and Shireen are members of the Collaborative Divorce Association of North Jersey. Collaborative Divorce offers a respectful and dignified approach for families going through a divorce. Educating the professionals working with these family’s about this consensus dispute resolution option remains essential so people can understand all the options available to them during the process. Collaborative Divorce focuses on all family members goals, needs, and interests to help a family achieve an optimal resolution for a final settlement.

24/12/2019

12/12/2019

It has been five years since Governor Christie signed the New Jersey Family Collaborative Law Act. It was signed on September 10th, 2014. The act took effect 90 days after it was signed. To celebrate and acknowledge the passing of the act, the New Jersey Council of Collaborative Practice Groups has designated December 14th as Collaborative Family Law Day. Help us to celebrate by sharing this and use the hashtag .

12/12/2019

A beautiful night celebrating the holiday season with our professionals.

03/11/2019

Our CDANJ members at the IACP FORUM in Chicago

15/09/2019

CDANJ climbs Campgraw Mountain together as a team building and social event. Thank you Dan Hoberman for leading the expedition!

25/05/2019

Happy Memorial. Never forget
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12/05/2019

Happy Mother’s Day