07/02/2021
"One of the best things you can do in your relationship is to turn toward bids for affection.
As defined by The Gottman Institute, a 'bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection.'
The big bids can be easier to identify: buying flowers, giving gifts, PDA, but just as important and much more easily missed are the minor bids for affection.
These can include everything from:
-Pointing out something for the other person to notice: Isn’t the sunset beautiful?
-Asking to do something as a team: What don’t we work on that together
-Reaching out for help: Will you help me with this?
-Sharing the events of our lives: You won’t believe what happened…
-Asking for recognition or validation of an accomplishment: How did the eggs turn out?
-Wanting to learn more about your partner: Tell me about your day.
-Reaching out for physical affection: Come cuddle with me.
-Asking for advice or guidance: What do you think I should do?
-Wanting to embark on a new adventure together: Let’s take that cooking class
-Opening oneself to receive comfort or refuge: I’m so tired after work today…
Each of these bids is an opportunity for connection, powerful when responded to, and potentially damaging when ignored.
So the next time your partner reaches out, attempt to recognize it for the bid it is, and reach back."
Illustration and words by Grace Huntley Counseling