06/02/2024
Dear parents and teachers that are involved in the 504 or IEP process,
I am finally in a place where I can speak to both honestly from two different perspectives. Having been a Nationally certified school psychologist in multiple states and a Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in assessments, I’ve heard both sides.
To the parent/s, know that from the school stand point, your child is so loved and often times teachers, staff and admin are limited on what they can say due to specific laws that prohibit them. They see your child and love them and also see the big picture. Trust them when they tell you that your child is struggling with socialization or maturity. Typically, they know! Trust them when they are concerned. Are there certain situations where the schools have acted inappropriately and outside what should have been done or said, absolutely! However, more times than not, when you are sitting in meetings with lots of people, know your child’s teacher has a heart that is bleeding for them and wants what is best and they often have to stay quiet.
Parents, in those big meetings, you have a team that has formed, sacrificed time, and want to help your child. It may seem overwhelming and big, but it is the law. They have to have a certain amount of people present to legally represent what your child needs. Speak up if you feel confused or rushed or don’t understand or feel overwhelmed. They will and should stop and listen. By law, certain paperwork has to be signed and they are limited to certain decision for your child often times due to limited resources, politics and funding. This includes decisions about placement for your child in specific programs! They can’t say that to you because the administration shoulders that burden and often times tries to figure out a way when there seems to be no way. It may or may not happen and when they say “I’m sorry we can’t” they often can’t explain why because legally someone higher up than them have told them no.
Teachers, admin, etc, these parents are coming to you anxious and worried about their child. The schools are often very intimidating and confusing and they are scared to say “please slow down”. The parents feel, at times, they are the only ones fighting for their child and are deeply anxious. Ultimately, the parents want help for their child and they don’t know how or what to ask. You may see them very angry and that is more times than not, based out of deep fear. Sometimes taking a minute to just hear their fears and pausing when you know you have one million other people needing you, makes a huge difference.
Parents, there are absolutely some ridiculous situations and it is important to know your rights and advocate for your child. I just wanted you to know that the schools are typically on your side and although overwhelming to you, more times than not, it is overwhelming to teachers too. Honest, open, patient communication is essential. It is sad how overworked and underfunded our schools are because our teachers deserve the world. Go in with an open heart and a spirit of grace. Fight for what is right and needed, but remember we are all human and doing the best we can.
PS, I realize there are certain circumstances outside what I am describing both from the parents and teachers perspectives. It is not always the case as described above, but with my 15 years of experience, this is what I’ve seen and heard more times than not. Happy Sunday!
-Tara Smith
