RED FLAGZ

12/11/2025

Let’s just call it what it is. It’s r**e. Coercing someone into having s*x with you is r**e and there isn’t any other way to label it. Forced s*x = r**e.

12/11/2025

I didn’t leave until I realized he never loved me at all. I was his supply and nothing more.

11/29/2025

Home made hot chocolate, cookies, and Christmas movies to start the Holidays. I hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving!

This holiday season I will be thankful for a peaceful home. No one will be yelling and screaming. No one will get belligerently drunk and break things. No one will hit me or lock me outside in the cold.

Since I left my abuser, the holidays have been a wonderful experience again. I wish I had known how amazing life would be when I left, when I was still afraid to leave my abuser. I want to encourage anyone who is stuck in their abusive relationship out of fear of the unknown. Leaving is scary, but it so much more peaceful on the other side.

💜 I wish you all a very Happy Holiday! 💜

11/13/2025

I did hide. I don’t think he sought professional help though. 👀

11/11/2025

Can they take your kids if you leave?

Today a young mother called me at work, frantic because she had applied for a no contact order againt her abuser. She was in tears wondering if there was any validity to his theats. I can’t give legal advice, but I did point her to agencies that can help her.

This is one of the most common control tactics abusers use — making you believe that if you walk away, you’ll lose your children.

That fear kept me stuck for a long time. But here’s the truth: civil court doesn’t work that way.

Custody isn’t decided overnight. The court looks at many factors before making a decision, and those decisions take time. An abuser can’t just walk into court and walk out with custody.

If you can’t afford legal help, there are resources available. In my area the YWCA and other free legal aid agencies can help with custody and family law matters for low-income individuals. Check with your local area to see what resources are available to you.

You don’t have to face this alone. 💜

11/08/2025

I was going through my old Facebook account and came across a post I had made. When I was married I worked 6 days a week. On Saturdays my ex had to “babysit” our children so I could go to work. So many times he would stay out to all hours of the night. I would stay up because I was so worried about him. I knew he was out drinking. I worried that he would have an accident or be arrested for DUI. I would stay awake until he came home. Most times I would get about 2 hours of sleep, if he came home and passed out. If he stayed up, he would be sure to keep me up too. So many times I went to work on Saturday with zero sleep. One Saturday I had to go pull his truck out of a ditch at 5am and then went to work at 7. Living with an abuser is hard. You live alone. You have to take care of your children and your spouse. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I knew that I could leave. That everything would be okay if I left. It was hard when I finally did leave, I knew it would be. But it took something so awful for me to finally leave. I left when it was my only option. I just wish that “then me” would have realized it never gets easier to leave, it only gets harder.

11/05/2025

10/31/2025

Yes, I know women can abandon their children too, but this fits my life….. if it resonates with you, have a laugh! 😆

10/30/2025

My ex used to have to "babysit" the kids on the weekends when I was working. WHO BABYSITS THEIR OWN CHILDREN?! 😆

10/29/2025

😈 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫

🥃 How many times did I tell myself alcohol was the reason my ex abused me and our children?
How many times did I defend him and say, “𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝑒𝓃𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝒽𝑒’𝓈 𝒹𝓇𝓊𝓃𝓀”?

😡 How many times did I think,𝒾𝒻 𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓁 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇, 𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝓎𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂 𝒶𝓉 𝓊𝓈?

When I stopped blaming alcohol, I started seeing the truth.
Abuse isn’t about anger or addiction — it’s about control.
It’s a choice, not a “moment.”

🃏 The truth is — alcohol and drugs do not cause abuse.
They simply lower a person’s inhibitions and reveal who they really are.
Abusers know their behavior is wrong — they just stop caring when intoxicated.

💢 And anger management? That’s not the issue either.
They manage their anger 𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕪 𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕝 when people are watching.
Ever seen your abuser get furious in public?
No one but you could tell. They manage their anger like pros.

🚫 Don’t buy into the idea that counseling or rehab will “fix” abusive behavior.
Change only happens when someone wants to change — and most abusers don’t.

If this hits home, please know: it’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. 💔
💜

10/29/2025

🛑 𝙈𝙚𝙣, 𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙀𝙭𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙒𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣’𝙨 𝙏𝙧𝙖𝙪𝙢𝙖 🛑

Seeing men post on social media about how 𝔀𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷 experience life — and especially how 𝔀𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷 experience domestic abuse — is infuriating.

How does a man think he can possibly understand what it’s like to be a woman trying to survive, leave, or rebuild after abuse?

That would be like a woman claiming she knows what it’s like to be a man in an abusive relationship. Or a straight person saying they understand what it’s like to be in a same-s*x abusive partnership. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰.

When a man tells women how they think, how they feel, or what they should do, he strips away women’s individuality — and 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓅🌸𝓌𝑒𝓇
And let’s be honest: most of these guys are doing it for clout, clicks, and cash. It’s performative. It’s gross. 🤢

There is no way for a man to fully grasp what it’s like to try to survive financially as a woman when women still make about 85% of what men make (Pew Research Center, 2025).

Yes, men can experience abuse — emotionally, psychologically, or physically. But women are far more likely to be subjected to coercive control — the kind of abuse that steals your autonomy and makes you afraid to breathe wrong (Women’s Aid, 2025).

And let’s be real — women live with greater physical danger. Women can be abusive, yes, but women are more likely to be harmed, hospitalized, or killed by their abuser than men (Women’s Aid, 2025).

So please — stop platforming these male influencers who pretend to speak for women.
They don’t know our fear. They don’t know our danger. They don’t know our lives.

💋 Let women tell our own stories. 🪷

10/28/2025

Not really…. 😆🤣