09/15/2025
Since I struggle with depression, self-harm and SI I often feel like I'm not good enough to be a follower of Jesus. I feel like I can't help others or lead them out of their struggle or even sit with them in the struggle. I'm a registered yogafaith instructor and meditation and nidra instructor, and currently finishing up sozo and somatics certification and ruah, pneuma and pranayama certification, but bc of my struggles I feel like I have no qualifications to teach others about peace, love, breath or meditation. I'm even attending seminary. How ridiculous does it sound to say that I'm a seminary student who still struggles with self-harm?
But it shouldn't be ridiculous or shocking to hear. There's honestly a lot of su***de in the church, especially in leadership. I believe it's bc we build up a huge facade bc we believe we have to have it all together in order to lead others. We can't help someone unless our lives are perfect. That's not true.
I believe David in the bible struggled with SI and depression. Based on his highs and lows there may have been even more mental illness. Plus Elijah begged for death, it's believed Jeremiah wrote Lamentations, Solomon seemed to struggle with depression despite all his wisdom...
Struggle doesn't negate the gifts that God has given. We need to be able to be honest enough as Christians to say, "Hey, I'm struggling myself so let's help each other carry the load." When you're a Christian with depression you hear a lot about how you need to lean in to God more, but we really need to be able to lean on each other. We are called by God to fellowship for a reason and that reason isn't so we can fake it till we make it in front of an audience.
And often my 'leaning in' to God is me just simply sitting with Him, allowing Him to wash over me and comfort me. He's not guilt tripping me or telling me what I need to do better, He's just holding me as I abide in Him, simple as that, nothing more I need to be doing at that moment.
