12/16/2025
7 Self-Sabotaging Habits of LDS Leaders and What to Do About It
Highlights
Invitation to become more reflective and ask yourself if you are possibly doing some of these things without realizing it
1. Creating a culture of unquestioned obedience to what the leader directs
This happens with the best intentions
- Common example: Primary President doesn’t hear about changes in the Primary until it is announced in Sacrament Meeting because the Bishop is not giving them autonomy over their auxiliary
- From Dan Pink’s book, “Drive”, three things every individual looks for: autonomy, mastery (becoming proficient at what they do), purpose (my opinions matter; I’m making a difference)
What to do about it:
- Bishops should turn callings over to the auxiliaries, and then the bishopric can facilitate and encourage auxiliary leaders
- Ask the Ward Council/counselors: How are decisions being made? Is this a problem?
- One-to-one monthly interviews with your auxiliary leaders and counselors
2. A leader’s lack of motivation to acquire accurate self-awareness by seeking-out alternative perspectives and general leadership training
- Self-awareness about your approachability as a leader
- Subconsciously sabotaging difficult conversations
- Story of Seminary/Institute teacher who always had the answer to questions
- It’s not about having the right answer, but about having the conversation
What to do about it:
- Ask, “How approachable am I?” and create a safe circumstance for others to come to you
- Seek leadership training from every source possible
- Elder Bednar’s leadership skills came from decades of experience as a professor and author, not simply because he is an apostle
- Pick up a book
- Seek out other resources such as conferences, websites, therapists, Leading Saints, etc.
3. Providing no venue to experience real connection
- Brotherdrie’s experience at Wild at Heart Boot Camp: Men talking and connecting in ways that they don’t normally experience in elders quorum
- “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” (Thoreau)
- Never let a quorum meeting become another Sunday School class; create more connection
What to do about it:
Create vulnerability
- Sit in a circle
- Stimulate the group with questions
- Brene Brown’s books about vulnerability and shame
- The leader needs to lead out with vulnerability
(Vulnerability leads to trust)
4. Church/family imbalance: An excessive emphasis on the importance of family responsibility that causes individuals/families to disengage with the Church (and vice versa)
- Quote from “The Divine Center,” by Steven R. Covey
- Culture shifting to putting the family first and losing the balance with church service
What to do about it:
- Talk about this dynamic as a bishopric and as a ward
- Infuse your ward, Relief Society, or quorum with more purpose/vision
5. Creating unintentional shame
- Shame is the greatest counterfeit that the adversary uses instead of guilt
- Shame comes with the best intentions but creates a dynamic of unattainable perfectionism
- Quote from Brené Brown, from her book “Dare to Lead”
What to do about it:
- Shame comes when the focus is on the behavior
- Jane Clayson: Turn up the doctrine of grace
6. Too many targets and no vision
- Every leader has a different inspired focus, so we end up trying to do it all
- Doing it all leads to overwhelm
- You have to give your people one target
What to do about it:
- Have a clear objective and goal and unify around it
- Create a vision statement and give people a purpose
- Ask the difficult questions: How can we make these into one target
7. Excessive gestures of niceness, love, or spirituality meant to influence a person to choose a specific life path
- Nice Guy Syndrome: Dr. Robert Glover interview, “When the Bishop is Too Nice”, aka codependency
- Avoid conflict and can’t say no
- Don’t want to cause anyone to get upset, but also never create a bold vision and it diminishes influence
- Story from author Rodger Duncan in “Leadership for Saints”
What to do about it:
- Ask permission to hold people to a higher standard in their responsibilities
Helpful Leadership Resources: These are free. You may request soft copies from Brotherdrie anytime by sending your comments below.
- Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter, by Liz Wiseman
- Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, by Daniel Pink
- Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge
- Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts., by
Brené Brown
- The Divine Center, by Stephen R. Covey
- When the Bishop is Too Nice | An Interview with Dr. Robert Glover
- Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty… And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself, by Aziz Gazipura
- Leadership for Saints, by Ed Pinegar and Rodger Duncan
