09/29/2025
Has anyone ever made you feel safe?
The other night, I was watching Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life (talk about a show with a lot of heart — it’s one of my favourites). In one scene, Rory bumps into her first boyfriend, Dean (if you don’t know these characters, then you’ve never watched good TV 🙂), many years after they broke up.
They reminisce about life, and Rory tells him she’s writing a book about her life and asks if she can include him. Surprised, he asks, “What will you write about me?” She says he was the greatest boyfriend, wishes they’d met when she was older and more mature, but also appreciates that he taught her what it meant to feel safe.
That statement struck me, and I started thinking: Has anyone ever made me feel safe? What’s it like for people who have never felt safe?
What does feeling safe in a relationship really mean?
Feeling safe isn’t just the absence of danger. Psychology calls it emotional safety: the freedom to be yourself without fear of rejection, judgment, or punishment. Maslow (famous psychologist) even lists safety as one of our core needs, right after basic survival. When we feel emotionally safe:
↪️ Stress drops. Our bodies stop pumping out so much cortisol (the hormone linked to stress).
↪️ Our brains shift from “survival mode” to “growth mode,” which sparks creativity and openness.
↪️ Our relationships deepen, because trust grows when we don’t feel the need to wear a mask.
Here’s how this shows up in our relationships:
↪️ Romantic partners: Feeling safe means expressing your needs and vulnerabilities without worrying your partner will use them against you. Safety here is linked to higher satisfaction and stronger bonds.
↪️ Friendships: A safe friend is the one you can text at 2 a.m. with your weirdest thought or deepest fear and know you won’t be laughed at or dismissed.
↪️ Family: Families that provide emotional safety raise kids who are more confident, resilient, and less anxious. Attachment theory shows children thrive when caregivers are consistent and supportive.
↪️ Work: Even at the office, safety matters. Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety shows that teams where people feel safe to speak up without fear of ridicule are more innovative and successful.
Why does this matter? When we feel emotionally safe, trust, growth, and love can thrive. Without it, we shrink, second-guess ourselves, or hide parts of who we are.
So I’m asking you the same questions I asked myself:
👉🏽 Who in your life makes you feel safe?
👉🏽 And how can you be that safe space for someone else?
Just something to think about.
