08/09/2022
I used to get stuck in this belief that my partner had to “complete me” as if I was some incomplete quilt that still needed stitching. I grew up in a world of Disney and fantasy where we were indoctrinated to learn that happiness is a prince rescuing us from our lives and making us happy. Happiness was of course, outside of ourselves and not in our own hands.
When I met my husband, I felt the same way. He was supposed to make me happy so why wasn’t I freaking happy?! Why couldn’t he take away all my problems? How dare he have his own trauma and issues! 😉
I had an unrealistic expectation of what a relationship was. I wasn’t some princess waiting to be rescued or freed.
It took me years to truly understand this. I was faced with the darkest parts of myself in this relationship. Looking back now, I realized that all the tests we have been through were to face those dark parts of ourselves (our egos) and HEAL them.
My husband and I struggled with healthy communication in the early stages of our relationship. We both came from
families where feelings weren’t discussed. He and I had to learn this, together through challenges and struggles. Together we broke through generational barriers by communicating, listening and doing our best to hold space for one another. Is it perfect? Nope. We are still and will always be works in progress. Did he save me? Nope. I saved myself because that was never his job. It was my job to heal myself. It was my responsibility to make myself happy. Think of all the pressure that puts on a person to make someone else happy. Think of how a person must come so far outside themselves, putting their needs aside, just to fulfill yours? Not only does it sound crazy but it also removes YOUR responsibility of doing the work you need to do for yourself.
Let’s teach our children that happiness and healing is in their hands and not in the hands of their future partners. Let’s teach them that relationships take equal amounts of work.
