21/01/2024
17 months….
That’s how long it has taken for me to feel like I’m on the “other side” of my postpartum journey
And even then, I don’t quite feel like I’ve arrived anywhere. It’s more so just a feeling of finally having my feet on the ground after free falling for a long time
Deeply changed and different than who I used to be, but somehow more connected with the parts of myself that have always been here
More myself, and less myself, all at the same time, and learning what the heck that means day to day
Because so much of me was shaken after becoming a mother. My relationship to everyone around me, to my body, to my mental health, to my past, to my future, to joy and peace and being alive….all shattered and put back together like the most exhausting jigsaw puzzle of my life
But what 17 months has taught me is that I cannot be so naive to think that I’ve figured anything out. I haven’t.
What I have found is the freedom of saying, loudly and boldly and with a silent “f**k it” at the end of the sentence: “I have absolutely no certainty about any of it”
At least, not in the way I used to think I did
17 months, and the only certainty I have is this:
Life will keep coming, and I choose how I respond to it
So consider this a shout out to all of the beautiful women out there who become mothers. I see you in your journey of shattering and putting yourself back together. Even as the instagram feed displays all the beauty of our kids, I see you beneath it, and how you’re holding yourself together on toddler scraps and dry shampoo and a prayer that barely rasps out on your breath before you pass out at night
You are the strongest goddamn thing that has ever lived. Period.
Let’s normalize teaching women about the shattering of motherhood so they can be better prepared for the puzzle pieces left in its wake ✌🏻