Amy L. Fiedler

Amy L. Fiedler 🌱Providing you tools + guidance for navigating your post traumatic life + relationships.
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This is where a lot of people get confused and quietly ashamed.They assume that because they grew up safe, regulated, or...
01/18/2026

This is where a lot of people get confused and quietly ashamed.

They assume that because they grew up safe, regulated, or supported, they should be handling an adult rupture differently. Faster. Cleaner. With less impact.

But the nervous system doesn’t work on logic or fairness…
Capacity helps with recovery, not immunity.

When trust, attachment, or reality is disrupted faster than the system can integrate though, the brain shifts into survival regardless of how secure your starting point was.

Understanding this isn’t about rewriting your past. It’s about removing self-blame from your present.🤍

01/17/2026

Safe feedback leaves room for reflection. It doesn’t pressure you to comply.

When safety was never consistent (or present) in your early or past relationships, your nervous system learned to equate...
01/16/2026

When safety was never consistent (or present) in your early or past relationships, your nervous system learned to equate calm with danger.

And this is often because for many, calm often came right before something changed.

So, rebuilding safety isn’t about eliminating discomfort, or trying to feel calm all the time. Healthy relationships still involve tension, misattunement, and moments of uncertainty.

The difference is that you’re no longer abandoning yourself to get through them.

Learning to tolerate normal relational discomfort - and make decisions that protect you, is what actually builds safety over time. Even the safest, most loving relationships aren’t “perfect” and being alive comes with everyday stressors - the goal is that you’re anchored into your own self-trust and clarity.

This is a core focus of my work - helping people discern what’s an old trauma activation versus real present day information - and respond in ways that honor their needs instead of overriding them.

If this resonates, you can explore my courses and workbooks through the link in my bio🤍

01/16/2026

Intent is important but when it negates impact it creates a dynamic where your experience can never challenge them or exist without penalty.

A lot of people think they need different boundary strategies depending on who they’re dealing with - a narcissist, an e...
01/15/2026

A lot of people think they need different boundary strategies depending on who they’re dealing with - a narcissist, an emotionally immature person, someone “toxic,” someone “wounded.”

But boundaries don’t actually require a label.

When you remove the diagnosis and the character analysis, the work gets clearer:
- What is the behavior?
- Does it align with what you value?
- Is it something you accept or participate in?

If not, you follow through.

Boundaries aren’t about managing difficult people more effectively. They’re how you filter who can show up in your life with respect and who can’t.

Over time, they naturally reveal who is safe for you to invest your time, energy, and emotional labor into, and who is not.

You don’t need to label or decide who someone is to decide whether they belong in your life.🤍

01/14/2026

Assumptions can 100% shape impact but repair still requires acknowledging how things landed!

For a lot of trauma survivors, black-and-white conclusions feel safer than vague or nuanced ones.This is because they al...
01/14/2026

For a lot of trauma survivors, black-and-white conclusions feel safer than vague or nuanced ones.

This is because they allow you to trust yourself and take action - not necessarily because they’re truer.

Saying, “They lied, I’m done” can feel more stabilizing than sitting with “This felt confusing, disrespectful, or destabilizing, and I don’t want to participate in it.”

The first gives you certainty.
The second requires discernment.

Discernment doesn’t mean ignoring red flags or staying longer than you should. It means learning how to name what isn’t working without needing to prove intent or assign motive.

That’s a skill that many trauma survivors need to learn and one that makes boundaries clear, not weaker.

01/13/2026

Safety it’s not something that you can be talked into. It’s not built with words alone because you’re nervous system doesn’t believe promises.

It trusts patterns.
So safety is something your body learns through consistency, presence, and repair. It’s experiential.

In past relationships, the danger was obvious. There was volatility, blame, stonewalling, emotional withdrawal, or chaos...
01/13/2026

In past relationships, the danger was obvious. There was volatility, blame, stonewalling, emotional withdrawal, or chaos.

In safer relationships, those behaviors aren’t there, but a post trauma nervous system may still react as if they are.

So without realizing it, you might…
- become anxiously attached
- shut down
- feel the urge to leave

And then assume that reaction means something is wrong with you or with the relationship.

What most people don’t realize is that being met with calm, accountability, and emotional regulation can actually activate trauma. Not because those things are unsafe, but because you’re nervous system learned to survive something very different.

This is where clients coming to me struggle…
They assume: “If i’m activated, I must be the problem.”
Or, “If I’m activated, this relationship must be unsafe.”

Both assumptions collapse discernment.

The intensity of your reactions alone don’t tell you what’s real and that’s why I don’t help clients decide based on how strong their reaction feels.

I help them identify their specific trauma triggers, and get clear on their non-negotiable values, so they can tell the difference between old survival responses, and present day relational information.

If this resonates, you can explore my workbooks and courses through the link in my bio.

01/12/2026

Not all discomfort is danger. But when you’re openness gets used to control or shame, you, your body is right to pay attention to that.

A lot of people are taught to regulate their emotions without ever being taught how to decide what’s acceptable in their...
01/12/2026

A lot of people are taught to regulate their emotions without ever being taught how to decide what’s acceptable in their relationships.

And let me be clear - awareness, processing, understanding, and regulation are all crucial steps in trauma healing.

But where safety actually gets built is what follows that…
Regulation helps you stay present.
Boundaries determine whether it’s safe to stay.

This is the kind of skill building I teach in my courses for post-traumatic growth. Specifically in my boundaries course; you’re not learning scripts or quick fixes that don’t last or get to the root of the struggle.

You’re not being told what your limits are - you’re actually learning how to define your own personal limits and follow through on them in real life. Learn more at the link in my bio

01/11/2026

They’re constantly asking themselves…

- is this something I should address?
- is this a real issue or am I overreacting?
- do I speak up, wait, let it go, or protect myself?

And because there was never a reference point, every moment can feel high stakes.

This is why so many people blame themselves for being “too much” or feel ashamed that relationships feel harder for them than for others.

If this resonates, you can find my courses to build these skills at the link in my comments🤍

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Tuesday 9am - 6pm
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