Amy L. Fiedler

Amy L. Fiedler đŸŒ±Providing you tools + guidance for navigating your post traumatic life + relationships.

You don’t have to force yourself to feel reassured just because someone said the right thing.That pressure to believe wo...
10/09/2025

You don’t have to force yourself to feel reassured just because someone said the right thing.

That pressure to believe words immediately often comes from an old pattern where reassurance was given without change, and you were the one who had to pretend it was enough.

If you’ve lived through that, of course your body doesn’t trust verbal comfort alone. It’s learned that safety lives in consistency, not in promises.

And while this makes relationships feel complicated, it’s also where your healing starts: by listening to your body’s signals without shaming them.

By noticing what actions create calm and what patterns create anxiety.

🧠 That’s exactly the work we do inside my Rebuilding Self-Trust course - so you can stop second-guessing yourself, name what safety actually looks like, and build relationships that don’t require constant reassurance to feel secure.

If you’re ready to learn the tools to rebuild trust and safety from the inside out - you can start today at the link in my bio. đŸ€

10/09/2025

Changed behavior is what helps rebuild safety and trust! If that isn’t present - the question becomes are they really sorry?

10/08/2025

You can’t be the emotional first responder forever! Regulation has to be mutual.

When adults explode over boundaries they never communicated, it’s not just emotional immaturity, it’s also a trauma patt...
10/08/2025

When adults explode over boundaries they never communicated, it’s not just emotional immaturity, it’s also a trauma pattern.

Because here’s what’s really happening underneath
They’re NOT exactly reacting to you. They’re reacting to the years they spent feeling powerless, unseen, or silenced.

To the childhood moments where speaking up led to punishment, or where no one ever cared to ask what they needed.

But that doesn’t make it okay and it’s not your job to decode someone else’s unspoken limits or absorb their unresolved shame.

✍Explosions, blame, and silent expectations aren’t love
they’re protection. And protection built on fear will always damage connection.

Healthy relationships need communication to feel safe.
Because safety isn’t created through control, it’s built through clarity.

When we can name what’s okay and what’s not; what we need and want and what we don’t - we give others a chance to respect it instead of fear it.

In my 12 years of working with trauma survivors, this pattern comes up more than almost anything else - people who crave safety but accidentally recreate chaos because silence feels safer than honesty.

The healing starts by doing what your caregivers couldn’t: naming your needs before they explode.

Communicating your boundaries out loud isn’t weakness but rather emotional maturity in action!

🧠 For tools to identify where your boundaries are being blurred and how to express them clearly, join my Boundary Setting for Trauma Survivors course. It walks you through recognizing these patterns and rebuilding relational safety one boundary at a time.

Your nervous system doesn’t just avoid conflict to keep the peace, it avoids it to predict loss before it happens.When l...
10/07/2025

Your nervous system doesn’t just avoid conflict to keep the peace, it avoids it to predict loss before it happens.

When love once felt unsafe after disagreement, your brain learned that peace meant risk. So even in healthy relationships, you might start scanning for what could go wrong.

✍You can’t force someone to stay in your life, but you can build the internal safety to stop shape-shifting just to keep them comfortable.

That’s where values, boundaries, and regulation skills come in:

✍ Values give you clarity on what actually matters, so you’re not bending for things that don’t.

✋ Boundaries protect those values in real time, so you can stay grounded even when there’s tension.

🧠 Regulation skills keep your nervous system from defaulting to self-abandonment just to avoid conflict.

When you have those three, showing up as the real you stops feeling risky and starts feeling like the only honest way forward.

If you’re ready to build that type of safety, my Boundary Setting for Trauma Survivors course walks you step-by-step through identifying your values (especially after trauma), advocating for yourself, and following through with confidence
even in hard moments.

10/06/2025

Apologies that require pressure aren’t repair. They’re damage control!

Accountability is one of the things my clients struggle with most - not because they don’t want it, but because they’ve ...
10/05/2025

Accountability is one of the things my clients struggle with most - not because they don’t want it, but because they’ve never experienced it.

They grew up around or had relationships with people who apologized only to repeat the same behavior again. So now, even when someone says, “I’m sorry” their body doesn’t exhale, it just braces for the next impact.

Because they don’t trust it. The apology was never the problem for many of them - it was the absence of change that followed it.

For others it was both đŸ„șđŸ« 

And the nervous system doesn’t learn safety through promises. It learns it through repetition. Through consistent action that proves that this moment is different from the last one.

Accountability is about pattern change. About recognizing in yourself you’re aware of what you did or said, its impact on others and you understand how to make a change moving forward.

This is what allows a person who was hurt to feel seen, heard, understood and be able to relax into trust again, instead of managing the relationship on high alert.

✹Inside my Boundary Setting for Trauma Survivors course, I help you understand how past trauma shapes your tolerance for inconsistency and teach you how to set and hold boundaries that protect your safety, even when accountability is missing.

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re what teacher nervous system that safety can exist, even when others don’t follow through. Link in bio to access the course today.

10/05/2025

This is exactly the kind of work I guide you through in my Triggers Guided Workbook - identifying what sets you off, tracing it back to the root cause, and practicing strategies to stay grounded when it shows up again. Download at the link in my commentsđŸ€

10/05/2025

Speaking up for yourself isn’t about changing others or convincing them to understand or see things differently. For a lot of trauma survivors, we advocate to show ourselves we won’t ever abandon ourselves again.

You don’t have to keep over-explaining or apologizing for your anxiety.Because here’s what this trigger often looks like...
10/04/2025

You don’t have to keep over-explaining or apologizing for your anxiety.

Because here’s what this trigger often looks like in real life:

😑 Constant apologies for things you didn’t even do, because your body still braces for being told off like you were in the past.

đŸ«š Over-reading every shift in tone or silence, spinning in circles trying to decode it.

đŸ„ș Asking “Why are you so quiet?” on repeat until it drives your partner crazy.

This isn’t neediness or a demand for constant reassurance but rather your nervous system predicting danger
because in the past, silence or distance meant rejection, abandonment, or backlash.

Safe relationships don’t expect you to manage the other person’s emotions.

They don’t make you read their mind or prove your worth. They communicate, clarify, and repair.

And while it can feel overwhelming at first to break this habit especially in that first safe relationship after the last unsafe one - this trigger is something you can heal.

🧠 That’s exactly what I help you do inside Boundary Setting for Trauma Survivors - my self-paced course that teaches you how to stop over-functioning, communicate clearly, and build safety without losing yourself in the process.

If you’re ready to stop walking on eggshells and start setting boundaries that protect your peace and your relationships, you can get started right now at the link in my bio. đŸ€

10/04/2025

Safe people don’t advertise their reliability. They live it!

When love was tied to being useful, your nervous system learned that belonging had to be earned.So now, even when you’re...
10/03/2025

When love was tied to being useful, your nervous system learned that belonging had to be earned.

So now, even when you’re safe - stillness doesn’t feel safe. Such as a quiet house. The text you didn’t yet receive a reply to. The partner who doesn’t need your help in that moment.

For my clients who have this trauma trigger - their body registers these as a rejection.

They experience anxiety when no one needs them.
Panic when things are “too calm”.
Fear that being unneeded means they’re being replaced or forgotten.

That they’re no longer important or valuable enough to be asked or depended on.

Once upon a time, helping, fixing, and caretaking were the only way to avoid abandonment. So this isn’t them wanting to live in chaos so much as the silence, the space, the rest feels unsafe.

The work now isn’t to shame the panic that you feel, but rather to retrain your nervous system to recognize that the quiet moments can be safe.

That begins with identifying when this trigger actually shows up for you and noticing how it impacts your body and your thoughts - because this looks different for everyone. While there might be similarities, each of our nervous systems are as unique as our fingerprint - shaped by our history, experiences, and biology.

From there, it’s about practicing new ways of responding so your nervous system learns what true safety really feels like.

✹This is the step-by-step framework I’ve refined over the last 12 years with private clients and I’ve placed into my Triggers Guided Workbook so you can walk through it yourself too. Download yours at the link in my bio and start turning awareness into lasting change.

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