Lair Torrent

Lair Torrent is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) who writes, offers online courses an

Lair Torrent is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) treating clients from a holistic perspective; meeting them where they are and helping them to know themselves mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Lair sees clients individually, as couples or as groups in his private practice in Charleston, SC or via Skype and FaceTime, all over the world. In an effort to reach more people with his unique brand of mindfulness based therapy, Lair also writes on the subjects that come up time and again in his practice. He offers in-person workshops as well as downloadable versions of the same on the subject of couples healing, anger management and more. Lair has been sourced for his expertise by New York Magazine, Rolling Stone and NPR, among others. He is an avid surfer, spiritual journeyman and devoted father and partner.

12/02/2025

Most people try to think their way out of anxiety… and that’s why they stay stuck.

Here’s the truth:

Your nervous system doesn’t care what you think.
It cares what you do consistently.

You can journal, meditate, analyze, reflect, intellectualize — and it all helps —
but if your body never experiences safety, your mind will never believe it.

Anxiety doesn’t stop when you understand it.
It stops when your body finally trusts you again.

This is the work:
✨ predictable routines
✨ consistent signals of safety
✨ doing the same calming rituals daily
✨ teaching your system that you’re not in danger anymore

Not once.
Not occasionally.
Consistently.

Because the body believes patterns, not promises

11/18/2025

We love to quote it: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
But most of us skip the most important step — understanding ourselves first.

Before you try to understand someone else… pause and ask:
🔹 What am I bringing into this moment?
🔹 What assumptions, fears, or old stories are coloring my reactions?
🔹 Am I listening to them… or to my own insecurity?

Real understanding doesn’t start with the other person.
It starts with self-awareness, with knowing the part of you that walks into every conversation.

When you learn to understand you,
you finally create the space to understand them.
And only then can you be truly understood.

Let’s talk about it — do you think we skip the “self-understanding” step? Drop your thoughts below

11/10/2025

I’ve been wondering if shame requires our consent.

When I look back, I can see all the times I agreed with how someone treated me.
If you dismissed me, disrespected me, made me feel small —
somewhere deep down I said, “Okay… maybe that’s who I am.”
That’s where shame took root — in my agreement.

But here’s what I can’t stop thinking about:
there are people in power who seem incapable of shame.
Maybe because they’ve never consented to it.
They never agreed they did anything wrong.

So maybe shame itself isn’t the enemy.
Maybe it’s just the collision point between integrity and self-worth —
and while some of us absorb it, others deflect it.

I don’t know if I’m right.
But it feels like a conversation worth having.
Does shame require our consent?
And what happens if we stop giving it to those who never earned it —
and start reclaiming it for our own growth instead?

Let’s talk about

11/04/2025

We’re entering a strange new era — one where thought leadership is being replaced by content creation.

Publishers and platforms don’t seem to care about ideas anymore, only algorithms. The loudest voices get amplified, not the most meaningful ones.

If this continues, we risk losing the next great thinkers — not because they had nothing to say, but because they didn’t say it in 30 seconds with trending audio.

The question isn’t who can post the most, but who can think the deepest.

10/20/2025

We curse pain as if it’s the enemy… forgetting it’s the only thing that ever truly woke us up.
Comfort never built character. Ease never deepened soul.
It was the heartbreak, the loss, the reckoning — the moments that dropped us to our knees — that stripped away who we pretended to be and forced us toward who we actually are.

Pain isn’t a punishment.
It’s initiation.
It is life tearing away what is too small for us to keep living inside of.

The wound was the teacher.
The bruise was the doorway.
The ache was the invitation.

So before we curse the thing that cracked us open…
maybe we bow to it instead. 🙏

10/18/2025

When you drop into the moment, you remember what actually matters — presence, connection, and the ones you love

10/01/2025

As a therapist, I can ask people to do some really hard things… get more sleep, change their diet, read the books, even sit through a silent meditation retreat.

But you know what’s wild? The hardest thing I ask is never any of that.
The hardest thing is this: to love on the parts of yourself nobody claps for.
The insecure part. The jealous part. The angry, needy, messy, imperfect part.
Not the version of you that gets praise — the version you don’t even like very much.

Because healing doesn’t happen when you perform the best parts of yourself for others. Healing happens when you sit with the parts you’re ashamed of… and choose to love them anyway.

So let me ask you: What part of yourself are you most afraid to love? Drop it in the comments — and let’s practice giving those parts some grace.

09/24/2025

Bars, wisdom

Address

212 Scott Street
New York, NY
29464

Telephone

+19176677564

Website

https://lairtorrent.com/

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