11/18/2023
your stalker may be inside your home
(I realized this post is too important for some to bury it within a link.)
I have spent countless hours on the phone with customer service representatives from phone companies, internet providers and assorted others. this is the consequence of a world where electronic stalking has become all too easy. and if someone has access to your device? well, I hate to say it, but it is almost impossible to protect yourself.
we all know the rules: use a VPN, make your password hard to guess, use secondary authorization, etc., etc. i never wanted to be the messenger for what i now understand: if someone is motivated enough to stalk you, none of these measures are enough.
how do i know this? well, a little bit of history:
up until a few years ago, i had lived my entire adult life with one phone number and one email address. as I write this today, i have lost count how many email addresses i have created in the past few years and i have stacks of phones lying around, each with a different phone number once associated with it. i have had countless accounts compromised, emails filtered or simply deleted so that i never saw them and virtually every document that mattered to me deleted (from tax documents to family pictures, it is all gone). i have wasted countless days trying to fix the mess and i have lost contact with virtually everyone except my immediate family. thousands of dollars have been spent on new electronics and forensic investigators. and I am still working constantly to stay ahead of the onslaught of stalking.
it’s a challenge to exist like this and i take no pleasure in drafting this post. but I hope it will help someone else out there who finds themself living in the chaos that electronic stalking and harassment can create. so here are a few things that I have learned along the way.
1. Whenever possible, use cellular instead of Wi-Fi. and if your stalker lives with you, get rid of Wi-Fi if at all possible. your router is a gateway into your electronic world. i cancelled my service entirely. and stay off of Bluetooth as well. cellular by no means protects you entirely, but it’s a start.
just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. websites like GitHub enable non-programmers to access coding that is placed behind the scenes on your computer. Reddit likewise has forums for bad actors to share among themselves this sort of information. “Spyware” is everywhere on the App Store and Google Play; some of these apps are “keystrokers,” meaning everything you type can be seen. the bottom line is it is no longer necessary for anyone to access the dark web to become an expert stalker.
2. beware the SIM card (and the new ESIM). SIM swapping is cell phone fraud 101. ESIMs are safer, but not completely so (ignore the phone company representatives who tell you “that’s not possible”.). For what is possible (and common), check out the Federal Communications Commission’s website on this exact topic: https://www.fcc.gov/consumers/guides/cell-phone-fraud. call your carrier and make sure the SIM they think you have (and device number) is the same as what you see in your settings.
3. routinely check anything you always have on you, particularly your wallet and handbag. a tracker may have been placed in it (and while many know of this issue in regards to Apple, trackers can be far smaller and hidden). i once had to cut open a leather cardholder to find the tracker that had been sewn inside.
if you think your stalker lives with you, use I have spent countless hours on the phone with customer service representatives from phone companies, internet providers and assorted others. this is the consequence of a world where electronic stalking has become all too easy. and if someone has access to your device? well, I hate to say it, but it is almost impossible to protect yourself.
we all know the rules: use a VPN, make your password hard to guess, use secondary authorization, etc., etc. i never wanted to be the messenger for what i now understand: if someone is motivated enough to stalk you, none of these measures are enough.
how do i know this? well, a little bit of history:
up until a few years ago, i had lived my entire adult life with one phone number and one email address. as I write this today, i have lost count how many email addresses i have created in the past few years and i have stacks of phones lying around, each with a different phone number once associated with it. i have had countless accounts compromised, emails filtered or simply deleted so that i never saw them and virtually every document that mattered to me deleted (from tax documents to family pictures, it is all gone). i have wasted countless days trying to fix the mess and i have lost contact with virtually everyone except my immediate family. thousands of dollars have been spent on new electronics and forensic investigators. and I am still working constantly to stay ahead of the onslaught of stalking.
it’s a challenge to exist like this and i take no pleasure in drafting this post. but I hope it will help someone else out there who finds themself living in the chaos that electronic stalking and harassment can create. so here are a few things that I have learned along the way.
1. Whenever possible, use cellular instead of Wi-Fi. and if your stalker lives with you, get rid of Wi-Fi if at all possible. your router is a gateway into your electronic world. i cancelled my service entirely. and stay off of Bluetooth as well. cellular by no means protects you entirely, but it’s a start.
2. just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. websites like GitHub enable non-programmers to access coding that is placed behind the scenes on your computer. Reddit likewise has forums for bad actors to share among themselves this sort of information. “Spyware” is everywhere on the App Store and some of these apps are “keystrokers,” meaning everything you type can be seen. the bottom line is it is no longer necessary for anyone to access the dark web to become an expert stalker.
3. beware the SIM card (and the new ESIM). SIM swapping is cell phone fraud 101. ESIMs are safer, but not completely so (ignore the phone company representatives who tell you “that’s not possible”.). For what is possible (and common), check out the Federal Communications Commission’s website on this exact topic: https://www.fcc.gov/consumers/guides/cell-phone-fraud. call your carrier and make sure the SIM they think you have (and device number) is the same as what you see in your settings.
4. routinely check anything you always have on you, particularly your wallet and handbag. a tracker may have been placed in it (and while many know of this issue in regards to Apple, trackers can be far smaller and hidden). i once had to cut open a leather cardholder to find the tracker that had been sewn inside.
5. if you think your stalker lives with you, use secondary authorization wisely. face recognition does not help if your stalker is willing to hold the phone up to your sleeping face to obtain an authorization code. consider alternative authentication methods.
6. always establish multiple recovery contacts for your iCloud and similar accounts that you trust implicitly. once someone has control of your device, these contacts may be the only thing that saves you.
7. if you have a MAC, press command, shift, period. this will show any hidden files that may reside on your computer. (I will note here that having spoken to countless companies’ customer service representatives, Apple is by far the most helpful). No doubt there is an equivalent for Windows computers.
8. when you see something strange or unusual on your device, immediately take a screenshot and send it to someone you trust.
9. don’t try to outrun the stalking by creating new emails. spend the time (it will be a lot) and try to resolve the issue you are having with whatever account, email or otherwise. if you do create a new email or account, make sure you shut down the prior account if you can. i didn’t understand this for a very long time and the result was a large number of emails that my stalker could use to pretend to be me.
10. put your important documents (passport, birth certificate etc.). in a safe place outside of your home. make multiple copies and also place those outside your home. I didn’t do the former but I did do the latter and that has been my saving grace.
11. put your phone on “airplane mode” whenever you don’t need it. this provides some measure of protection.
12. be aware of who is around you when you are out. If someone is lingering with no clear purpose, shut down your phone immediately and move away quickly.
13. check the settings on your phone routinely, including the settings for each individual app. make sure an app does not have access to your location, camera or microphone unless necessary.
14. it is counterintuitive, but keep your “Find My” function turned on. If your account is associated with a device that isn’t yours, this will let you know. (If the device is not yours and is in your house, then this is less effective but you can still check whether the sound that goes off when you use Find My actually plays on your device.
always check the list of devices that have logged onto your accounts. sign out of any device you are not positive is yours.
15. when you call companies (and you will) keep a record of when you called and who you spoke with. this information will be needed if and when you file an FCC complaint or police report.
16. trust your instincts. if something feels wrong, it probably is.
If you haven’t given a loved one consent to access your electronics, they have committed a host of crimes if they do so. if they use your email, personal information or anything else to pretend to be you? that too is another crime, this one called identity theft. frankly, living with your stalker every day is terrifying. applaud yourself for still standing.
