Dr Suzanne Lachmann

Dr Suzanne Lachmann


I read an article you published and it was a breakthrough for me. Thank you very much!
Hi Suzanne, I hope you are well. No posts for me to like for a while.

I see today that “not your President” has suggested delaying the election. It’s bang on cue and anyone who knows his nature could have predicted it. You assured me he couldn’t do that. Constitutionally he can’t can he?

He’s just preparing to refuse to go in January. What will it take to get rid of this excuse for a man?
I read an article that you wrote and it was amazing. It opened up some interesting emotions that needed to be explored. Not only was I able to take from the article, I was also able to share it with some of my clients who were able to benefit from it as well. Just wanted to stop by and say thanks keep doing what you're doing!
Read a couple of your articles - they helped me think about what I can do to heal and move forward. Thank you for sharing.
Dr. Lachmann, I have a question about certain relationship articles from Psychology Today. Background: so with each article there is an associated visual representing or advertising the article. I have noticed that without exception (from what I’ve seen so far) that articles that deal with something negative going on in a relationship, especially gaslighting or narcissism, the visual always shows the man as the perpetrator and the woman as the victim. The woman either appears in despair or is cowering while the man appears angry, unconcerned, or clueless. These visuals seem to suggest that women are never, or at least much less likely to be, themselves the narcissist/gaslighter/manipulator etc. Is this a subtle form of s*xism? Is this stereotyping men as perpetrators and women as victims in a relationship gone bad? Or am I just reading into the visuals more than what is there?
Dr. Lachmann,

Silly me thought I could google “Am I cursed to be single?” and have it yield meaningful results or even answers to all of my questions. Funny thing though, I came across an article/advice column of some sort that you wrote that talks about reasons someone is single when they don’t want to be (see link below). Thank you. I have been search for ways to reevaluate my life as a single man now and I often wonder what is “wrong” with me. It isn’t about what is wrong with me, but what is preventing me from being in a relationship. I came out of a very rough breakup that pushed me over the edge after everything else I was dealing with in life. I felt unloved, unwanted, ugly....and all I really want is comfort and peace. I have my days still, but times are becoming easier to deal with. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I know I’ll get there. Reading your article really helped me and I can’t thank you enough for that.

A thankful reader

Recently launched with English subtitles, the documentary "PSY CAUSE" discusses the regulation of psychotherapy in Québec (Canada) and the impact of a new law (known as "Bill 21") on the mental health profession since it came into force in June 2012.

This 70-minute video also explores psychotherapy under the influence of "evidence-based data" approach.

The independent current affairs film features Rose-Marie-Charest (ex-Québec Psychologists College’s president), Guy Corneau (Jungian psychoanalyst), Martin Drapeau (McGill University psychologist), Pierre Plante (Art Therapist & psychologist), Jane Bauer (Jungian psychoanalyst), André Renaud (psychologist & psychoanalyst) and much more.

Originally released in French in September 2017, PSY CAUSE can be purchased or rented online :

Thank you so much for your enlightening articles and insights into strengthening my self-esteem so that I may one day have healthy intimate relationships!
Hi Dr. Lachmann, I just read your article on power struggles in relationships. I found your insights informative and penetrating. I’ve been reading many articles on Psychology Today regarding relationships, coupling, attraction, and loneliness. Ive found these topics fascinating, and I’ve learned much about myself and others. I look forward to reading more articles from you.
Dr. Lachmann - I am 58 years old now and I still don't know what women mean by a relationship. So I guess I've never had one. I have been actively looking all over the place for 20 years now one single sober and clean woman in America that doesn't have a drug or alcohol problem or some kind of drug and alcohol abuse problem from a former spouse. It has ruined me physically, mentally and spiritually trying so hard to do this for so long and it has made me give up on my life. I have been isolated working on my company by myself on the Internet for 20 years with no female companionship. I have no substance abuse problem like these women I meet and I don't have to work any more to pay my bills. i have a new car and beautiful apartment and a guest house in Bermuda I go to every summer by myself. The women I meet would rather be homeless on drugs and live that life. Why is this happening to me? It's making me miserable. What should I do? I have money for therapy.
Dr Dr L,
I’m based in Australia, going through the acute stages of withdrawal from a breakup , also in the paralysis grief stage.

I have been looking into your body of work and am very interested and feel a sence if connection to your whole approach to s*x as tools , relationships , breakups.

Do you by any chance do phone sessions ?


[email protected]
Hi Suzanne,
Great seeing you at the Nobody Wants Us Premiere in New York. Best, Stephen😊

Clinical psychologist, NYC & Westchester. FDNY Clinician. PsychologyToday.com/MeBeforeWe Blog. Writer

Suzanne Lachmann, Psy.D., is a New York State licensed clinical psychologist with offices in Manhattan and Westchester, NY. She earned her Doctorate from the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology of Yeshiva University. In addition to her clinical work, since 9/11, Dr. Lachmann has been a consulting psychologist for the FDNY and has worked extensively with NYC firefighters, which has further honed

Operating as usual

What is Complex PTSD and Do You Have It? - Dr Suzanne Lachmann 01/28/2023

What is Complex PTSD and Do You Have It? - Dr Suzanne Lachmann

There have been too many traumatic events that continually unfold in the U.S. and throughout the world that make it hard for most people to get through their day without worrying that something bad will happen to them or someone they love. When we find ourselves reeling as we discover yet another crisis has occurred, it’s hard to not feel as if your tank is running dry. So if you’re wondering whether you have C-PTSD, the answer to this question is almost certainly yes. When the last information you receive before going to sleep and the first information you experience upon waking up is being inundated with new trauma, inevitably you’re going to be in some way impacted. This is true even when your world has been insulated and relatively safe.

Read more about Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder here:

What is Complex PTSD and Do You Have It? - Dr Suzanne Lachmann C-PTSD is a psychological disorder that results from a series of repetitive, traumatic events from which the individual sees little chance for escape.

Donate Now | Share EMMY nominated Holocaust Film with schools by SOUSA MENDES FOUNDATION 01/25/2023

Donate Now | Share EMMY nominated Holocaust Film with schools by SOUSA MENDES FOUNDATION

This beautiful and moving documentary shares the story of how my mother, together with my aunt and grandmother, fled Belgium in 1940 on foot and found their way to the Quanza, a refugee ship. The story of how they finally manage to be accepted into the United States as World War II Refugees is fascinating, triumphant, and heartbreaking all at once. My mother, Annette Lachmann is extensively interviewed here. The story of their journey and the obstacles they encounter because they are Jewsish is documented beautifully, informatively, and movingly by . If you can, please contribute so that this important film can be shown in more schools, to ensure the Holocaust is never forgotten.

Donate Now | Share EMMY nominated Holocaust Film with schools by SOUSA MENDES FOUNDATION CAMPAIGN UPDATE: Thanks to your generosity, we're distributing the NOBODY WANTS US film program to 46 more schools - totaling 346 schools in the US! We've reached over...


Joyeaux Anniversaire, Cher fils. Je suis chanceuse de t’avoir.

SPORTbible on TikTok 12/05/2022

SPORTbible on TikTok


SPORTbible on TikTok Wait for it… ✈️🤣 (Lea Roeck via )


This made my day.


looks great on him. May it become his … his French mastery is improving every day. Fingers crossed for American university in Paris


First Association I had to this pic at a Parisian bistro: “Let them eat cake," a translation of the French "qu'ils mangent de la brioche", typically (though probably erroneously) attributed to Marie Antoinette. (Via Wikipedia)

Let them eat cake may also refer to:

Let 'Em Eat Cake, a Broadway musical that opened in 1933
Let Them Eat Cake (TV series), a 1999 BBC comedy TV series
Let Them Eat Cake (album), a 2000 Motorpsycho album
Let 'Em Eat Cake, a 2014 Alexz Johnson album
"Let Them Eat Cake", a 1993 episode of Rugrats
"Let 'Em Eat Cake" (Arrested Development), a 2004 episode of Arrested Development!!!
"Let Them Eat Cake" (House), a 2008 episode of House
Let Them Eat Cake, a music festival on New Year's Day in the Werribee Park, Werribee, Australia
Let Them Eat Cake, a 2014 documentary film by Alexis Krasilovsky


Behold this disgusting . and other advocates! No way this came from “Nancy”. I didn’t click on link to find out but also grammar is slightly off; not the usual level of off in , but nonetheless.


Spread the word. Please and thank you. It feels as good to give a compliment and brightens someone’s day as it does to receive one.


is not always so sweet. And yet, no one else can make me smile like he does. My son is my sun. ❤️

Trauma and Self-Restoration: The Life and Music of Cole Porter 04/22/2022

Trauma and Self-Restoration: The Life and Music of Cole Porter

My father, Frank Michael Lachmann is giving a talk on Sat, May 7 from 4-6PM at the Laurie Beechman Theater, West Bank Cafe 407 W.
42nd St

It should be interesting and clever and very much worth the cover charge. He will infuse commentary with the music of Cole Porter. He is really good at this stuff so come on over!

Celebrating Frank Lachmann's Newest Book
"The Self Restorative Power of Music:
A Psychological Perspective"

Saturday, May 7, 2022, 4:00pm - 6:00pm

The Institute for the Psychoanalytic Study of Subjectivity presents:

Frank Lachmann, Ph.D
and featuring
Eric Yves Garcia
on piano

2 Continuing Education Credits for Social Workers & LMHC's*

As a peerless composer/lyricist, Cole Porter lived astride continents, mastered stage and screen, and trotted in style between the soignée and sordid, between societal norm and secretive. But from childhood, Porter felt freest while riding horses. Then at the height of his powers, a horrific accident on horseback would devastate his body, threaten to wipe out his creativity, and his cultivated identity and precepts as a human being. So the story goes, as Porter lay in agony, waiting for rescue, he maintained sanity by turning to an unfinished song. How did this songwriter transform popular music, bring coded language into a puritanical culture, and all through excruciating pain and isolation? This is the story of Cole Porter’s self-restoration, a cornerstone of American culture.

Discover the truth amid the glitter and champagne! Join this unmissable one-night event written and presented by Frank M. Lachmann, Ph.D., with singer/pianist Eric Yves Garcia!

Frank Lachmann, Ph.D., a teacher, supervisor and a member of the Founding Faculty of the Institute for the Psychoanalytic Study of Subjectivity, New York; and a Clinical Assistant Professor, in the NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis. He is author or co-author of more than 150 journal publications, co-author with Joe Lichtenberg and Jim Fosshage of six books, most recently Narrative and Meaning, (Routledge, 2017). With Beatrice Beebe he wrote Infant Research and Adult Treatment: Co-Constructing Interactions (Analytic Press, 2002) The Origins of Attachment (Routledge, 2014) and The Mother-Infant Interaction Picture Book (with Beebe and Cohn, Norton, 2016). He is sole author of Transforming Aggression (Aronson, 2000), Transforming Narcissism: (Analytic Press, 2008) and The Self-Restorative Power of Music; A Psychological Perspective (Routledge, 2022). He is a member of the Council of the International Association of Psychoanalytic Self Psychology, and an honorary member of the Vienna Circle for Self Psychology, the William Alanson White Society, and the American Psychoanalytic Association.

Eric Yves Garcia is a singer/pianist who, as a nightlife mainstay, BroadwayWorld announced “…embodies, in every way, what it is to be a New York City nightclub entertainer”. In addition to popular, repeat engagements in London and Paris, his NYC appearances include Carnegie Hall, Town Hall, Symphony Space, Birdland, Feinstein’s/54 Below, Bemelmans Bar and the Café Carlyle. He is a proud recipient of both the Margaret Whiting Award & Bistro Award. NY Times declared him "… a handsome young singer and pianist with a genuine star quality." (NYT)

The Laurie Beechman Theater, West Bank Cafe, 407 W 42nd Street, NYC
Registration deadline: May 5, 2022

Link to Purchase tix below. Deadline for purchasing: May 5

Trauma and Self-Restoration: The Life and Music of Cole Porter As a peerless composer/lyricist, Cole Porter lived astride continents, mastered stage and screen, and trotted in style between the soignée and sordid, between societal norm and the secretive. But from childhood, Porter felt freest while riding horses. Then at the height of his powers, a horrific ac...

We need more of this!  So beautiful 💫❤️❤️ (🎥 via: nikko_ryan/tt | 🎵 “Tell Me Why I’m Waiting” by Timmies ft. Shiloh). 

Follow @majicallynews for more #wholesome moments. 04/22/2022

We need more of this! So beautiful 💫❤️❤️ (🎥 via: nikko_ryan/tt | 🎵 “Tell Me Why I’m Waiting” by Timmies ft. Shiloh).

Follow @majicallynews for more #wholesome moments.

Awwww!!! Anything and everything to acknowledge a teacher. They have been through so much, their jobs can be so tough; so challenging.

We need more of this! So beautiful 💫❤️❤️ (🎥 via: nikko_ryan/tt | 🎵 “Tell Me Why I’m Waiting” by Timmies ft. Shiloh). Follow @majicallynews for more #wholesome moments.


An Exciting Announcement from Break Through Tech AI

I love this woman. To have that much money and keep your soul is no easy task.


I asked him to think about his grandparents :)


A nervous couple are waiting to get married when suddenly a guest rises from her seat... 😢❤️ Family and guests sings "Stand by me" at wedding

Sweetness and lightness in a world that has seen better days. Chills from the warmth of this surprise for a couple waiting to wed in Ireland.

339: Surviving Your Breakup 03/25/2022

339: Surviving Your Breakup

I debated whether it would be insensitive to share a when there is so much sa**sm and destruction in the world. But, wherever your heart, mind, and hopes for the future of the world are right now, you CAN grieve pain and loss in the world AND grieve pain and loss in your personal life at the same time. It doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.

339: Surviving Your Breakup Breakups are hard! So hard in fact, it can be as emotionally challenging as dealing with the death of a loved one. You are not alone in your feelings. It's a part of the human experience and today's show will help you process and deal with your break up in the most productive and


Dan, as always, you tell the truth. With eloquence and empathy.

Kelly Clarkson, P!nk - Everybody Hurts (2017 American Music Awards) - YouTube Music 01/18/2022

Kelly Clarkson, P!nk - Everybody Hurts (2017 American Music Awards) - YouTube Music

In the face of loss… take in what music has to offer. This version is beautiful. It won’t take the ache away but it will remind you that you are not alone in your grief.

Kelly Clarkson, P!nk - Everybody Hurts (2017 American Music Awards) - YouTube Music P!NK's new album 'Beautiful Trauma' featuring the singles “What About Us” and "Beautiful Trauma" is available now! iTunes - http://smarturl.it/BeautifulTraum...


A close friend died a few days ago. We went to high school together. Since losing him, my brain has been struggling to process the magnitude of this loss. But I don’t think that’s actually possible. You can’t measure the magnitude of something infinite.



doesn’t deserve to make you feel bad about yourself. . It’s meant to make things seem better than they are. You deserve to feel good about yourself.

warriorwod.org on TikTok 11/13/2021

warriorwod.org on TikTok

A little late for Veteran’s Day, but a total lol

warriorwod.org on TikTok Military branches drinking water


I can’t claim to be a marvel nerd, but I do know the high profile characters and who plays them. It’s warm and fuzzy but a reminder we lost Black Panther - Chadwick Bozeman way too soon. What grace he shows even though he knew he was dying. The warmth of his spirit transcends the screen.


It’s tough out there. Like we are all clinging onto a giant pendulum for dear life as it swings back and forth with the force of a thousand suns. I’m going to do my best to make the ride a little more manageable. Did a little Q & A here. I’ll do more as more questions pop up.

Watch this reel by behindthef.r.i.e.n.d.s on Instagram 10/23/2021

Watch this reel by behindthef.r.i.e.n.d.s on Instagram

I love Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow’s) laugh. It is goofy, joyful, and contagious. Add to that:
any time Jennifer Coolidge does anything…
Hope you laugh too.

Watch this reel by behindthef.r.i.e.n.d.s on Instagram behindthef.r.i.e.n.d.s • Original Audio


The goals of these little vids are to create world peace, stop world hunger, cure cancer, conquer Covid, and the list goes on. We will be addressing and solving these crises in video increments of 3 mins or less. Have a ?


2 Things that drag you down:

Regrets and shoulds.


It’s hard enough out there.


PLEASE, TikTok & Insta-stars, when you’re making “feel-good”, fun, cute, romantic, coordinated vids, STOP using the word “goals” in the post.
1. It’s not a goal if there you are achieving it.
2. It makes others who don’t have relationships like yours feel BAD, and that is not your intention.


I used to write all kinds of wise things here. Some of you may remember that. I’d write about trauma and loss and breakups and recovery and depression and anxiety and self esteem and more and more and more. This page was once an emotional smorgasbord. These past few years have been uninspiring for many and exhausting for all.

Let’s see if I can pull it together and write again.

But first, let’s all laugh. We need it.

Good Humans on TikTok 10/01/2021

Good Humans on TikTok

If anyone wants to contribute a tiktok that highlights human kindness, respect, and/or sportsmanship, I welcome it. 🙏🏻

Good Humans on TikTok True sportsmanship ❤️


A gripping and visceral description of some of the many ways domestic abuse kills. It kills self esteem, sense of safety, connections to other people and places, and understanding who and where you are in the world. It imprisons you. At its worst domestic abuse can kill you. RIP Gabby Petito.

“She’s just crazy,” Brian Laundrie told officers with a chuckle, while they questioned him and attempted to sort out the couple’s dispute.

“Crazy” huh?

“Crazy” because she’s extremely emotional in the back of a patrol car, trying to answer their questions, all the while covering for you, so that you don’t get cited, charged with domestic assault, or spend the night in jail.
“Crazy” because you jokingly called her that and have now planted the seed in officers/viewers minds wondering if perhaps she is “crazy,” all the while you get to play the part of the poor, patient partner who must deal with such an irrational person.
“Crazy” because she takes all the blame of what happened that morning, despite being slapped by you (according to a witness) and somehow convinces herself that it truly is all her fault.
“Crazy” because she feels immense guilt and is profusely apologizing for making you upset, or walking on eggshells, just to prevent you from having another outbreak.
“Crazy” because she is visibly traumatized, terrified and expresses fear of you locking her out of her van, driving off, and leaving her abandoned outside in 100-degree weather.
“Crazy” because her body language in the photo above is of someone who is stuck in a hopeless cycle, living with fear and anxiety, while you are relaxed, cracking jokes, attempting to charm the officers, and laughing without much concern.
“Crazy” because she has developed major anxiety over the course of your relationship, and any time she cries or gets emotional, you mention that you try to distance yourself from her instead of offering comfort and love.
“Crazy” because she has goals of pursuing her own dreams of being a successful blogger, and all she hears is your voice telling her “That she really can’t do any of it.”

Gabby Petito’s case brings light and renews much needed attention to the issue of domestic violence.
Across the world, an average of 137 women dies by the hand of their abuser EVERY DAY. Further scarier statistics mention that a woman is beaten nearly every 9 seconds. A lot of domestic violence happens behind closed doors. It’s not always the physical abuse that you can see (bruises/etc), but it can come in forms of manipulation and gaslighting. Years of emotional, s*xual, or verbal abuse, can escalate to the point where the victim no longer trusts their own judgement, and have come to terms with their daily life being the “norm.”

It is important for an outsider to see the signs, and it can be very difficult to spot as they are sometimes subtle.

Domestic violence can appear in the form of financial abuse where the victim is convinced to quit their job, hence no longer having control over any finances, which will make it extremely difficult to leave their situation. The abuser may also take on loans or credit cards in the victim’s name and damage their credit score.
Domestic violence can appear in the form of the abuser eliminating a family vehicle, leaving only one for themselves, and now the abuser can control what the partner does and where they go.
Domestic violence may come in the form of the abuser putting the victim’s cell phone on a shared plan, and at any given moment, the phone can be shut off so that the victim is unable to connect with friends/family or have any outside influences. Tracking devices in a cell phone can monitor phones calls, messages, and location. Demanding to know passwords for email and social media accounts (technological abuse) allow the abuser to limit/heavily monitor interactions, and prevent the victim from having a voice, or asking for help.
Domestic violence can appear as a single parent with 2 small children, having no way to make enough money to get an apartment, so they must choose: living in a household with the occasional beating/verbal abuse, versus becoming homeless and risking CPS taking the children because they are unable to afford a place to live.
Domestic violence can appear in the form of social media posts, with videos and photos, portraying a strong love and immense happiness in the lives of the abuser and their victim. These posts often mask the real pain.
Domestic violence can appear in the form of the victim being insulted, intimated, shamed and humiliated in front of one’s own children. Being yelled at and constantly berated, while little ones watch on, and absorb unhealthy examples.
Domestic abuse can appear in the form of the abuser going to crazy extremes to prevent their victim from leaving-from threatening to hurt or kill them, threatening they will win custody of children, harming or killing pets, reminding the victim that they are worthless and will never be loved by anyone else, and the list goes on and on…...

One of the most dangerous times for a victim, is when they try to leave. It may take many years of persuading themselves to reach out to a family member or friend, decide and then escape. If you suspect or know of anyone in a toxic situation, talk to them alone, and let them know that they can reach out to you whenever needed.

Gabby’s homicide is absolutely devastating! Her case has become a national sensation and raised awareness for domestic violence, narcissistic abuse and how easily subtle signs can be missed. Gabby’s death can spark conversations on how situations like this can be prevented, how we can raise children to focus on problem-solving and conflict management skills, how to cultivate a healthy self-esteem and self-worthiness, and how survivors can work through their increased anxiety, depression, PTSD, and rely on therapy and the support of friends and family, to rebuild new lives.

RIP sweet angel and just like your father said you “have touched the world.”

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).


Hope is a life force. You’ve got it even when you don’t know it.

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