Gina Moffa, LCSW

04/20/2025

All of the holidays during the year can be beautiful, and also so, so brutal after loss.

For anyone moving through grief, this time of year can carry an unbearable weight (in addition to all of the other holidays we just got through).

There’s maybe this pressure to show up with a smile, to “be better by now,” to match the cheer in the room when your heart feels heavy. It’s spring, after all, right?! 😒

Grief doesn’t disappear because the calendar says it’s time to celebrate. It doesn’t pause for holiday dinners or brunches or family photos.

And honestly, even if this isn’t your first holiday without them, or your second, or your tenth, grief can still sneak up and knock the air out of you. Memory has a way of opening old doors. And love, especially when it’s lost, doesn’t fade on schedule. It just doesn’t, and it won’t. Ever.

So many people feel like they have to shrink their pain, edit their emotions, or pretend they’re okay for the comfort of others.

But what we really need in grief isn’t forced joy or quick fixes.
We need space.
We need acknowledgment.
We need tenderness.
We need people who can sit with us in the messy middle, not just when we’re “doing better,” but especially when we’re not.

If you love someone who’s grieving this season: don’t rush them. Don’t try to cheerlead their pain away. Just show up. Be a steady presence. Listen without needing to respond. Honor their sadness the way you would their joy.

And if you’re the one grieving— you don’t owe anyone a version of you that looks more “together” than you actually feel. Your grief is valid, whether it’s loud or quiet, fresh or familiar.

Let yourself be where you are.
Let the people who can meet you there, meet you.

That’s more than enough.

Wishing so much gentleness and peace these holidays.

03/06/2025

Want to hear some heartfelt authors read some short original pieces on grief? It’s a bit late on the east coast, but It’s worth it! Join us ar 10pm eastern

Join us here for a free experience, heart to heart:

Welcome! You are invited to join a meeting: Coffee Talk #67. After registering, you will receive a confirmation email about joining the meeting.

02/02/2025

People ask me all the time, as a grief & trauma therapist, what is the best thing to do to support ourselves following any type of significant loss?

I say the same thing I’ve said for many years now, or at least after losing my mother and realizing the extent to which the initial trauma of loss can affect us— body, mind and spirit.

Last year, I wrote a book on navigating grief called, “Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go”, where I describe how grief can take endurance, but it’s not something we really understand until we are in the thick of it. It can be absolutely exhausting. And, it can take a very serious toll on our nervous system.

Grief will be with us for the long haul.
In different ways emotionally and physically (and neurologically and psychologically)…
It will show up in different intensities at different times.

Some days or weeks or months might feel like we are constantly being knocked down by our grief experience.
Some hours, days, weeks, or months we may feel okay and ‘almost normal’ (though what’s that after loss?).

But most of all, I want you to make sure that you are taking care of your body and nervous system:
💧Drink enough water.
🥙Eat nourishing food.
☀️Get fresh air and sunlight (or vit D).
🧘🏻‍♀️Move your body gently, however you can.
😴Rest your body.
🙏🏻Offer yourself compassion when you can’t do the things you used to do with ease.
🫶🏼Check in with yourself often, hand on heart, to ask what you may need. Our needs change in grief— a lot.
✋Create boundaries where it’s needed, because others won’t always change, adapt to our grief needs, or understand these needs, and they may push us towards an outcome not always possible for us in grief.
🗣️Talk with people who ‘get it.’
🤲🏼 Receive help or support from those who feel safe.

There is no right way to grieve, and we can’t get it wrong, but it’s important to be very mindful about how we take care of ourselves and move through life when we are in a state of overwhelm and long-term stress.

Go gently. One moment at a time. Leave the judgment behind. Give yourself some grace. We’ve got this.

(Please share this or save for when a little reminder is needed) 💜

01/31/2025

There have been events in the world these recent years that truly break open my heart. Traumatic losses. Almost too many to list these days. The kind that can thrust one into a state of shock and numbness, survival instincts kicking in… and inevitably we have our griefall to the reality of our significant loss, and we find the grief experience begin …sadness, despair, anxiety, anger, exhaustion, physical symptoms, neurological symptoms— it can be overwhelming.

We may find ourselves joining collective grief, right now, as well as experiencing the reemergence of our own personal grief. It’s all normal and valid in these uncertain times, so please be gentle with yourself.

Today, for right now, I am also simply holding in my heart, all of the victims and families of the deadly plane and helicopter crash near DCA this week. May they all be resting in peace, and remembered and honored every moment ahead.

I’ve been voicing a lot of prayer and favors up to the skies lately… and gratitude for the people who come in, support, help, and try to save lives. Grateful for first responders, emergency services, and other helpers springing into action for so many people and terrifying events, from hurricanes in Florida, to flooding and mudslides in NC and the south, to Southern California wildfires, to tragic aviation accidents such as this, and so much in between I am sure I have missed, in addition to our own traumatic experiences and tragedies.

May we all simply remember the fragility of this life, and the power we have in coming together, caring for one another, and remembering our shared humanity in the darkness times. Especially, in the darkness of times.
🤍🙏🏻

01/13/2025

For anyone who is hearing “bright siding” for the first time, the term stems from the phrase, “look on the bright side.” It’s the ever increasing practice of steering someone toward the positive and away from anything that feels dark or negative while they are enduring something painful. Especially (especially, especially) in the very beginning …

Sorry to say, especially for those well-meaning folks out there, but it is a form of gaslighting. Often a toxically positive and well-meaning attempt to offer comfort, it’s the phenomena where someone tries to tell you that, no matter your situation, you should look for some kind of positive.

Why should we not do this?
We risk alienating them, retraumatizing them, isolating them, and disenfranchising their grief. Everyone deserves to feel what they feel in loss, no matter the circumstances someone else judges or minimizes.

Again, I’m all for the well-meaning part of all I shared above. But, there are better and healthier (and more loving) ways to connect. And honestly, easier, too.

How about we just show up?
We show up emotionally, we can show up physically, we could show up in tangible ways, and we can show up in ways of being a safe loving place for somebody’s heart to land.
We can validate their feelings and experiences, and allow them the space to talk or not about what they are enduring
It really just comes down to presence — ours.

There is so much love in the phase, “This is so hard— I love you, and I am here.” And be there.

We don’t have to do huge, grand gestures if we cannot, we simply want somebody who is enduring significant trauma or loss to know that they are not alone, that they are cared about, that they are seen.

In my book, I have a whole chapter dedicated to helping us show up for someone in their loss. It’s easier than it seems, easier than it feels, and we can be a soft place for someone’s broken heart to land, I promise.

For now though, let’s cut it out with the bright-siding, okay? Even with ourselves.

In our hardest moments, we just need caring, warmth, comfort, presence, and well, as always, love.💗

01/08/2025

Los Angeles is a place I love, and visit frequently, even toy with moving to….

Nearly everyone I know and love has had to evacuate, or has lost nearly everything— it’s so easy to feel powerless when horrific things are happening in the world. Posting regular content generally can feel weird (though not a new feeling since the world is as it is).

The trauma and grief for these devastating losses and the fear of what there will be left to return to, is raw and real. The grief and trauma needs to be acknowledged.

It feels impossible to post about anything else today as I talk to friends and loved ones in harm’s way (and friends of friends, children of friends), hearing about lost pets or nursing homes trying to evacuate residents … and well, I am just keeping my heart pointed west. 🤍

May the winds die down. Fires be contained.
May all humans and animals be safe or saved.
That’s my simplest prayer today.

📸: Philip Cheung for the NYTimes

01/06/2025

Grateful to be among these amazing titles!

Whether wellbeing, business advice, pop psychology, or health & fitness, here are some great reads to kickstart your 2025 📚

Amy Porterfield Gina Moffa, LCSW Darren Hardy Daniel Goleman Tsoknyi Rinpoche Dr. Cate Dr. Sara Kuburic Dr. Mariel Buqué Layla Saad Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy Siddarth Shrikanth Juliet Starrett Kelly Starrett

12/31/2024

As we close out this strange and surreal year, I just wanted to come by, face to face, not just as a grief therapist, but as a fellow griever and friend here, to tell you how grateful I am that you’re here— on this page, a part of this community, and in my life. I don’t take any of this (or you) for granted.

Though it can be hard sometimes, social media (I’m mostly on on instagram) has brought to much goodness to my life, in the form of new friends, amazing colleagues and collaborations, tender heart to tender heart connections, and the ability to share with a greater audience the awareness and understanding around grief and loss (and all that comes along with it)…

Grief can upend us. It can turn everything inside out. It can make us question so much within our life and within ourselves. It brings so much change, and it can feel like an endless free fall at times, especially in the beginning.

I always say, we are better together. And, I mean it.
I’m better because of you, too.

The experience of being witnessed and seen.
The authentic and honest caring.
Someone just ‘getting it’.
These things aren’t a given in grief.
So, when we do get that, our nervous system has the chance to find safety and a soft landing, pain and anxiety and exhaustion in tow.

All of that—all of YOU, in your grief and pain, are deeply respected and valued here in this space.

I wish you a peaceful year ahead, and I look forward to connecting even more — on our hardest days and in the moments we can embrace hope and connection. The grief is in the in-between of all of that.

Have you been thinking about this coming year?
Is there a feeling you want to feel (for the first time or again) in the coming year? I’d love to hear it, and be in that with you.

Until then, a million thank yous for just being here and sharing your raw truth. I’m honored to be on this path alongside you.

With gratitude and love,
Gina

📸: The amazing

12/10/2024

Just be there.

11/28/2024

It’s okay if you’re not feeling grateful.
It’s okay if you’re struggling to just show up to life.
It’s okay if you just want to hide away for a little while.
I really get it.
And, you’re not alone.
You don’t have to pretend here.

I do better with real.
How about you?

Instead, how about we cut one another and ourselves a break, and just give space for all the messy to show up, too, if it needs to.
Take the pressure of a little— what is it all really for?

If you’re feeling grateful, feel it, allow it.
If you’re not, it’s okay- absolutely nothing is wrong with you.
You’re reacting to something within and around you that’s been really, really hard.
Gratitude and grief can live together sometimes, but they don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
It’s all fluid, our feelings.
I endorse authenticity— whatever it is.

I hope you are surrounded by caring and goodness.
Or, just peace.

I’m wishing you a very peaceful and gentle holiday ahead, and hope you are surrounded with people who can be kind, gentle, loving, and real …. 🤍

p.s. if you or someone you love is in need of some extra tools or support for navigating the holiday season (and beyond really), I created a downloadable comprehensive guide to help you (or someone you love) through these harder days. In the pages, we explore the full range of emotional and physical experiences, understand our thoughts with mind mapping, reflect and write with gentle exercises to tend to the emotions you’re carrying, then, explore practical strategies like plans and scripts for gracefully navigating holiday gatherings, obligations, and expectations. Because, let’s face it, the holidays can be so hard. Doing it totally alone can be so much harder. Though the workbook isn’t therapy, it can be a supportive tool to help you through these harder days and it’s on sale for $4.97!

https://ginamoffa.com/holiday-workbook

11/26/2024

Meet Gina Moffa, LCSW, a compassionate Help Texts expert contributor who we're looking forward to connecting with at End Well in Los Angeles this month! 🌟

As a New York City psychotherapist and author of "Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go," Gina brings nearly two decades of experience working with grief and trauma, including her profound work with Holocaust survivors. Her approach helps us understand how grief touches all life transitions, even the positive ones.

Through Help Texts, Gina shares wisdom on:

💛Healing from trauma
💊Processing substance-related loss
💥Understanding complex grief
💫Navigating past losses
📚Building grief literacy

Join us in receiving Gina's insightful guidance at helptexts.com 💜

11/26/2024

Grateful to talk again with the amazing Paula Felps with Live Happy podcast! Let’s talk about estrangement and how to navigate it!

Listen here: https://livehappy.com/season-10/navigating-estrangement-during-the-holiday-season-with-gina-moffa/