Our society needs to fully understand Domestic Abuse- the signs,the victims, the types of abuse (as it isn't always physical or visible), and how to help someone. Often the psychological abuse, financial abuse, and many other dynamics taking place behind close doors go unnoticed, unspoken about, ignored, or denied. We never think it could happen to us...we expect huge red flags to be waving in fr
ont of us as a warning before we are in too deep. I never thought this would ever be a part of my life. I didn't tell anyone for a long time (silence is golden). I didn't want to think it was my reality (denial). I was embarrassed. I was ISOLATED. I lost touch with my friends, my family, and MYSELF. I found strength when I started to educate myself...when I reached out...when I talked to other women, and reconnected to my life. Healing is a process. And we all need each other through the process. I hope by sharing my own experiences that I can help others, provide support, or help them understand what is happening. Knowledge is power. If there is one thing everyone reading this should know- LEAVING IS NOT AS EASY AS EVERYONE THINKS IT IS. Our society has attached such a negative stigma around domestic abuse (and mental health) that we do not discuss it enough; we do not educate people about it, and we simply try to ignore it. Most often the victim is blamed. However, through my own battle, I have found that not only does our society lack the proper education of mental health issues, specifically personality disorders, but our judicial system is completely ignorant on the topic. Possibly intentionally ignorant...but nonetheless, too many evaluators and judges ignore the huge red flags. The Judicial System does not provide judges or family evaluators with the proper training on identifying a personality disorder, or the abuse that comes along with it. This is a huge issue in family courts across America. The abuser often ends up with custody of the children, only for the other parent to continue to endure the abuse along with the child(ren). The abuser makes the victim look emotionally unstable, upset, and frazzled while they remain cool, calm and collected. It is time to open up the discussion without fear of who might judge your questions, your circumstances, your experiences, or your stories of survival. This is a place that is SAFE, a place that will provide support, and help those that we can. Not everyone understands this, and not everyone wants to, or will. People have often asked, "How could you let him do that...?" No one just ALLOWS people to abuse, control, manipulate, or isolate them. It is a gradual process that you don't see until you've lost it all, including yourself. I would also like to educate those who know someone who has been or is in an abusive situation. Think before you judge. Think before you assume. Too often I hear people blaming the victim, or asking why they didn't leave. It's not always as simple as people envision in it their minds. We must shine the light on this topic to help others, to educate people, to support people, to SAVE people. Most of all, the victims of abuse need to understand what is happening to them. It is not your fault. You will find strength in learning, and find strength from others who have been through it who can relate. No judgement. Unconditional love and support. Victims need help and understanding...and unconditional love. I hope we can join together to use our voices, hearts, prayers, words, support, any anything else possible to help victims of domestic abuse. Thank you.
