Actually, i CAN

Actually, i CAN The grind of life can crush self-esteem and spawn demons like alcohol, drugs, anxiety, depression & anger - all results for trying hard. Need help? I got you.

Strength arises from hardship… Mistakes sculpt, not define….

08/25/2025
The Body Remembers What the Soul Wasn’t Allowed to SaySome days, the pain is sharper than memory. You bend, reach, move ...
08/23/2025

The Body Remembers What the Soul Wasn’t Allowed to Say

Some days, the pain is sharper than memory. You bend, reach, move just slightly wrong—and there it is: the ache. The throb. The burn beneath the skin or inside the joints. It shows up without ceremony, like a ghost you’ve learned to tolerate, not fight. But here’s the thing no one talks about: sometimes, that pain feels weirdly functional. Almost like it’s doing something important. Not good, not pleasant—but vital. Like it’s carrying a message the psyche couldn’t hold without cracking.

Because when you’re the kid who had to swallow what should have been screamed, when you were taught early to tuck your instincts behind your teeth and wear “I’m fine” like armor, your pain doesn’t just disappear. It relocates. What couldn’t be expressed verbally, gets encrypted into flesh. What couldn’t be named emotionally, gets stored in the joints, the gut, the nervous system’s circuitry. That’s not dysfunction. That’s survival. And in a world where your soul wasn’t allowed to protest, your body did it for you.

08/16/2025
The Jekyll and Hyde split in me was never just madness — it was a survival trick. Jekyll kept me charming enough to pass...
08/16/2025

The Jekyll and Hyde split in me was never just madness — it was a survival trick. Jekyll kept me charming enough to pass in daylight, Hyde kept the wolves away at night. But the more I fed Hyde, the more he fed on me, until I couldn’t tell if I was wearing the mask… or if the mask was wearing me.

08/16/2025
didn’t drink to feel better—I drank to feel less. To carve out a void where my fears couldn’t reach me, to build a bunke...
08/15/2025

didn’t drink to feel better—I drank to feel less. To carve out a void where my fears couldn’t reach me, to build a bunker brick by brick between me and the world. It wasn’t escape; it was erasure—a slow dismantling of the parts that hurt, and the parts that still hoped. In the stillness, the whispers grew louder. Each swallow sanded down my edges until I barely recognized the shape of me. And when I buried my pain, I buried myself beside it.

2Bits: Recovery Thoughts (a memoir- available as both an audiobook and e-book.) 📖 E-book & Audiobook Available On: Amazon Kindle , Google Play, Barnes & Noble, Apple Books 🎧 Audiobook Also Available On: Spotify, Audible, Apple You can also download 2bits (the pdf) free below.

08/15/2025
08/14/2025
Most people talk about rock bottom like it’s a crash. But sometimes it’s a slow fade—the kind of unraveling that fools e...
08/09/2025

Most people talk about rock bottom like it’s a crash. But sometimes it’s a slow fade—the kind of unraveling that fools even you. No sirens. No blood. Just this strange numbness that becomes your new normal.

And that’s the scariest kind of broken. Because when you’re falling apart out loud, someone might notice. But when you’re hurting in silence? You can rot behind a smile and still get praised for being strong.

This is the kind of loss that wears your skin, walks your walk, and pretends it’s you—until even you start believing the act. You look in the mirror and see someone who kind of looks like you, kind of sounds like you, but feels hollow. That’s what rock bottom can look like. Not dramatic. Just a slow burn.



From the book 2bits

Address

Newark, OH
43055

Telephone

+17402000550

Website

https://www.actuallyican.org/, https://www.twelch.com/2bits-ebook

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