11/06/2024
Practice holding challenging feelings with compassion:
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Support for the Sangha Post Election
Dear Friends,
Many of us, including myself, woke up to the news this morning with a combination of shock, grief and dread. I noticed the thoughts starting to spin … How could this have happened? What’s going to happen next? I noticed the physical feelings of the emotions, especially the tightness around the heart. I want to share a few words with my dear Sangha members in hopes that it may help reduce suffering.
Whatever your response has been to the election, just know that there are millions of people going through similar experiences today. We are not alone in our emotional reactions. It’s very important to be real with what’s going on for us and not to pretend it isn’t happening. If your reaction is to shut down and not want to feel your feelings right now, that’s fine, that’s what’s happening. If your reaction right now is feeling grief or fear, that’s fine, that’s your reaction. There’s no need to make any of our experiences bad or wrong.
We can use any situation in our life as spiritual practice - we have the opportunity to fully experience these human emotions. So now, I feel grief. There’s tightness around my heart, the breath is more shallow, my shoulders are hunched over. And, I can notice the thoughts that are wanting to spin around this.
This is where we can use the technique of RAIN, by Michelle McDonald.
R - recognize what is happening
A - accept that this is happening
I - investigate the felt physical sensations in the body
N – nonidentification – this is not just me and mine. This is a human experience shared by many others
I now get a chance to really fully experience grief. I don’t need to get rid of it, and I don’t need to identify with it. I can examine it carefully. Where is it in the body? What are the exact sensations? Is there any aversion to it or not wanting it to be there that’s causing more tightening? As attention moves into the body and explores this carefully, it can be noticed that these sensations change.
Now, it’s possible that one of 2 things happens: 1. The thoughts that are fueling the feelings keep coming up over and over again, no matter how many times we put them down and redirect. 2. I want these sensations to change and go away because they are unpleasant.
Simply notice the tendency for the thoughts to keep coming up over and over again and choose to keep putting them down over and over again, and redirect attention into the body sensations. It doesn’t matter if this happens 5 times or 500 times.
Notice that we tend to have aversion to unpleasant sensations and thoughts and have a hard time just experiencing them as “this is the experience of my life right now”. Can we start to notice the aversion to the unpleasant sensations and see if it’s possible to relax that. The practice is always the same. Open fully to the experience of life in the body.
So today, we’re intimately experiencing dukkha, the first noble truth. The unsatisfactoriness of the relative world. Can we realize that there’s really nothing wrong with our experience? This experience simply demonstrates the truth of the teachings of the Buddha. We get a chance to fully understand the fact of dukkha, and the fact that it’s not possible to make the world exactly the way we want to be.
If we have the bandwidth to practice with this, it can be really beneficial. If, it’s too much, it’s always fine to distract ourselves in a way that is helpful and at the least is not harmful. It’s a great time to go outside and take a walk in nature. Feel your feet on the ground, feel the breeze on your face, notice the birds, trees, plants, and water. Stop and look at the flowing water as it goes over the rocks. Listen to any birds that might be singing. Ground yourself in the presence of nature.
Hug a friend, or a pet your dog or cat. Listen to some relaxing music. Or, watch some comedies and laugh. There’s nothing wrong with redirecting ourselves when we need the space to let things settle before trying to process.
If you have the bandwidth to practice a little more deeply, we can choose to do so. And it’s fine to take it a little bit at a time.
Can we move our attention in closely to our felt physical experience and understand that it is an unpleasant experience which is unfolding. If we are able to feel it without aversion, it’s simply unpleasant. We can also notice that there are small sensations arising and passing away in the overarching ones, and all of these sensations are impermanent. Some of them may even be neutral or maybe be pleasant. In other words, our mind’s idea of this as being an unpleasant experience that we have to get rid of it may just be a thought in the mind.
A practice which is always appropriate during difficult times is compassion practice. And we can rely on Lama John Makransky’s benefactor practice to help us hold these challenging situations.
Bring to mind one or several benefactors. Benefactors are people who you enjoy being with as they hold a deep wish for you to be well and happy. They don’t have to be perfect in every way and in every circumstance, but when you’re with them you feel safe and supported. You may naturally feel a smile coming to your face as you picture your benefactors.
A benefactor can be a spiritual figure such as the Buddha, or can be a grandparent, teacher, caring friend, pet or place in nature. As you bring your benefactors to mind, see if you can imagine them before or around you radiating love and care to you. As you take in that loving kindness, let it saturate your body, especially the areas which have been hurting. And as you connect with that feeling of loving kindness, see how it’s natural to want to share love and compassion with your benefactor and others.
You can deepen this feeling with contemplating the fact that in allowing yourself to fully open to grief, you now understand what others are going through in their own deep grief. Imagine all of those who are feeling this today, and see if it feels fine to visualize yourselves all together in this circumstance. As you are taking in that care from your benefactor see if you want to send that out to all who are feeling this grief today. Allow it to flow out to them in whatever way feels natural to you. Whether it is with the breath, with the visualization of light, or just with the loving intention to have everyone showered with this care and compassion.
“Now I understand what others are going through in their grief. May we all be free from suffering may we all live with ease and well-being.”
Make sure that you bathe yourself in compassion thoroughly as you share your compassion with others. Do this for as long as it feels comfortable to do so. Always taking care of not pushing beyond your capacity.
We can allow this circumstance in our life to be a way for us to deepen in our practice and compassion. Although the nature of the relative world is unsatisfactory, we have the choice to meet it with care, open heartedness, and we can share that with others. Wishing you all ease and well-being.
With Metta and Karuna,
Kim
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