This Is The Way I Live

12/09/2025

I just realized today, while doing some internal digging to why I have not started to purchase any Christmas gifts yet this year. Typically, I start this process the day after Thanksgiving and have all my shopping completed online before that weekend ends. Today, my husband wanted to remind me that we are only a couple of weeks away from Christmas, and I have not started.

Looking back at last year at this time and everything that I (we) were dealing with, it all began to make sense. If you remember, my landlord flooded our apartment in September and decided that he wanted to address the partial payments we were sending for rent right about this time. The morning that I had scheduled to have my Christmas celebration with my children, the landlord though it was a good idea to invade my personal space by attempting to pull down the window of my vehicle with his hook and shove what he called a 5-day notice in the window. This is when the real hell began, with the landlord filing an unlawful eviction and beginning further invasion of my space by sitting in my hallway, giving the process server a key to access our apartment door, and all of the other toxic activities that he took part in. My safe space no longer felt safe. As soon as Christmas was over, we had to begin looking for a new apartment and all of the stress that brings, not to mention hiring an attorney and fighting the unlawful eviction filing.

It was not until today that I realized that I have been carrying this unresolved trauma with me. It really came out when the new apartment manager placed a note on my door, and I immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario, and fear set in of what could this mean. The notice on my door was nothing more than a notice for our annual inspection of the smoke detectors and other emergency equipment. , yet I panicked!! I am carrying trauma from what happened last year, and the way that I feel that I get through this is to avoid it, hence why I have not made any Christmas purchases to date.

Now that I know what is going on, I can work on it, and the way that I do that is to live my live and stop looking behind me but to keep looking foward and to all the new great things ahead of me. I will most likely be causing trauma to the postal service with all of the gifts that they will be delivering very soon, as I am going to start making purchases.

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12/03/2025

We are just about ready for the fun stuff now that the work that goes into Christmas is complete....time for shopping!!!!

Without working on my recovery each day none of this would be possible.

11/18/2025

I'm so excited for the upcoming holidays especially since we have this outdoor lighting competition going on with our other neighbors. I could never decorate outside at my previous living situation because they would mysteriously be gone the second I put something up and went inside the house but here my stuff stays in place for all to enjoy and the electric company to enjoy the spinning meter.

10/18/2025

My purple Chair (bench) for overdose awarness is just about completed. Now that she received her clear coat it's time to add her flowers her angel and her candle. Because we always leave the light on for those who are seated at our table.

It will make a great conversation piece just in time for trick or treat.

Not only will I pass out candy and goodies I will have Narcan and fentanyl test strips to those who need them.

09/10/2025

1 thing for certain and 2 things for sure is that these police/sheriffs are attempting to be authoritative in situations that should never involve them. They will learn to not get involved, as everyone has a supervisor, and I fully intend to have an indication as a nuisance caller.

I am not sure who needs to hear this, but this is to the person in the back who is calling 911 when they need to be calling 211.. I'm going to give you an education, and it's not free. Choices come with consequences; you choose the one you get.

A TRO is between you and the other person listed in the TRO, not you and every person in the world! Everyone is not out to contact you regarding or on behalf of the person in the TRO. More importantly, creating a scenario where you are fully under the influence and falsifying documents to call the "authorities" and creating a senerio to lead officers to beleive that there could be a potential breach of a TRO is not only stupid it's ILLEGAL and there are penalities for this such as harrassment and making a false police report while I fully intend to have you charged with.

Keep kicking the hornet's nest because you will get the QUEEN to come out, and she will get you, and you will have no control over those consequences. You have already made your choice by this time.

I will sit back and eat my popcorn because some of us look great in orange. Oh, and I have quotes and a song to....

"I got wasted just to fill my head with lies
Feelin' like Superman, the Henny makes me fly
Until I wake up as the sun sets
I pick up that bottle, tell me another regret?"

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08/17/2025

I wish I could skip the world maybe not the world just my family from making the same mistakes but I previously did. Once upon a time I believed that love ment that person wanted to be in my presence every minute and I'd feel jealous when they didn't respond to a text or call. Now I have learned that all of those feelings are not healthy and what's healthy spending time with your partner and trusting them. When I see my past experience happening in relationships with those that I love it breaks my heart and I want to shake them and be like wake up this is not normal. But just like I had to learn so do they. Today I love my private time yet in a healthy happy relationship

07/17/2025

Every year, you get 365 days older than you were at the same time last year. That's one year older for your skin, your bones, and your whole body.

When you slip and fall at 5, you bounce back, cry a little, have a parent kiss it, put a band-aid on your invisible owie, and do not remember the next day.

Doing this at 18-25 is similar to when you were 5; however, you may not cry, you may notice a scrape or a bruise, make sure it's clean, put on a band-aid if needed, and get back to life.

Now, any fall after 40 could be a life-changing event!!! You could require medical attention, possibly require stitches, or worse, a surgery for a new knee or hip.

While pushing 50, you will require time off work as all the muscles you used when you were 5 that you have not used in 20 plus years now had to become activated, it requires 2-3 days off work, on your couch and all the while laughing even though it hurts so bad and you may p*e on yourself.

Pushing 50 is where I am at, and let me tell you, activating muscles in my abdomen and legs that my office job does not require me to use is a painful experience. I will say that when I feel I did this with such grace that I did not break a single nail, did not damage my bag, shoes, or clothing. Even though it took me a minute to get off the pavement in the middle of the parking lot, I was not embarrassed! I hobbled to my vehicle, checked out my body, and when I noticed that the only visible damage was road rash on my forearm, I chucked and said damn bitch you are a queen.

Now my husband was very fearful, expecting the worst from my baseball slide, he was impressed that again I only had road rash on my elbow.

Moral of the story...Stay active, use all the muscles your body has, because when you take a tumble, you will not be like me and home from work because everything internally hurts.

07/13/2025

🌟 We're honored to be named a BizTimes Nonprofit of the Year finalist! This recognition shines a light on the life-changing work happening at Meta House every day - healing women, strengthening families, and breaking the cycle of addiction.

This moment is possible thanks to our community's support. Help us keep this momentum going by donating today. www.metahouse.org/donate

BizTimes Milwaukee

07/06/2025

I also share about addiction so my kids know what was numbing experimentally turned into a decade of hurt. Unfortunately you don't know you have the disease until you awaken it with that 1st try.

07/06/2025

No fun 4th of July pics this year. The drown show in Milwaukee was a BUST, a let down and so disappointing! I didn't blow off any fireworks...yet. what I did do was spend time with my hubby, got some projects completed around the house, and got some relaxation in.
Recovery is not always exciting or always on the go, sometimes its sitting with yourself learning who you are.