Theconnectionlab-TaraConcelman

22/11/2022

Reflective commenting gives space, makes time, allows perspective. Thank you so much for sharing and connecting me. What a beautiful example of curiosity and shifting perspective ❤️

When your child is saying something triggering, something that is downright untrue, something that demands a challenge from somewhere deep within you- something like today was a trash day and nothing good ever happens, or my life is so unfair, or everything is (someone else’s) fault, you can practice reflective commenting, which is basically repeating back what you’re hearing.

The other night Ash was in a mood. He was full of drama and complaints. He got out of the shower and joined me on Gaia’s mat, where I was giving her a fresh diaper. He said, “Everybody’s been rude to me today, except for Gaia.” Of course I wanted to set the record straight, but instead I said with interest, “You’re upset at the way people are treating you, huh?” Then he said yes, but let me off the hook. He wasn’t upset with me.

He ranted about Javin and then went into a story that happened at school. I sat there and thought, wow, this really works. All I said is, “You feel like everyone has been rude to you today.” And next thing I know he’s telling me about his friend being difficult at recess. I was so grateful to be given more insight into his world. Through reflective commenting, space was made for further dialogue without me even having to pry. I was actually given the opportunity to truly empathize with him because a communication line opened that allowed me to see his perspective. It encouraged him to talk and allowed me to listen.

By the time we got into bed I wasn’t frustrated at all with his behavior, and was able to give him the TLC he needed.

12/03/2021

This was a huge mindset shift for us. Realizing that fear-based obedience is merely compliance helped us set new parenting goals that were based in connection, attachment, and trust-based obedience.

16/11/2020

When you are open to someone's perspective affirming them...(not the same as agreeing) but being open to them as a human who has perspective and beauty and originality and purpose...you discover openness. Again.. you don't have to agree but you can learn to be open.

New research showing that people who feel loved and supported have a tendency to embrace opposing views.

09/09/2020

www.theconnectionlab.me is open for business. Pretty proud of it. Thank you to Paper Cranes Media for your excellent design. You were so intuitive to my aesthetic. I love it. A shout out to Danielle Gumb for your motivation in moving me towards my calling. Thank you to Julie Lawson for your constant connection, wisdom and friendship. Thank you to my husband for your patience, your insight and your never wavering faith in me. To my children who carved the designs in my soul to make me who I am and to whom I dedicate my life’s work. I know this sounds like the academy awards but I launched my passion y’all.

09/09/2020

This is an incredible resource for parents giving their children cell phones.

*Gabb Z2 Update: If your new Z2 phone is indicating you need to insert a SIM card please remove the SIM card and battery, replace, and power back on.

08/09/2020

Finally! It is official! I am so excited to finally have it out there...
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You can find me at www.theconnectionlab.me

01/09/2020

An amazing way to solve problems in relationships: spouse, children, siblings, friend, coworkers and even enemies, is to curiously, humbly, look through their eyes.
Imagine what they see, feel what they feel, understand what they know. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Everyone is doing the best they can in the skin their in. Understanding through perspective-taking provides the way through conflict, fear, coercion and judgment. Getting past those obstacles will heal nearly every woe.
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28/08/2020

You can watch your mind and let your thoughts pass through and choose whether or not to engage. You can notice and call them by name: thoughts about the past, thoughts about the future are just that.... thoughts. They don’t have to be your reality but we get so confused and think that they are what is real. We think our thoughts are always true. And sometimes they are but mostly they are just thoughts. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Believing our thoughts can cause blindfullness... ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

A great resource on thoughts: A Liberated Mind by Steven Hayes. And The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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28/08/2020

You can watch your mind and let your thoughts pass through and choose whether or not to engage. You can notice and call them by name: thoughts about the past, thoughts about the future are just that.... thoughts. They don’t have to be your reality but we get so confused and think that they are what is real. We think our thoughts are always true. And sometimes they are but mostly they are just thoughts. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Believing our thoughts can cause blindfullness... ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

A great resource on thoughts: A Liberated Mind by Steven Hayes. And The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

27/08/2020

When my kids were little and they desperately wanted me to play with them, I was often at a loss for what to say and how to play... I had lost my never-never-land card. 😟
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What I have learned from incredible researchers and parenting methods like Parent Child Interaction Therapy is magic...literally how I became the child whisperer.
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When a child is playing sit with them and observe- a good place to practice mindfulness, consider it a form of meditation....observe what you see, describe it in your mind. Try to look at what they are doing from their perspective...through their eyes. When thoughts arise about laundry, or emails, or work...gently let it go and return to observing your child and their play. Set your timer on your phone for 5 minutes- that way you know you can get back to what you were doing and you won’t think it is taking to much time. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Softly, enthusiastically, describe what you see them doing.. just describe (take out the question voice, see below). “Oh your putting the big one on top. I see.” Or, the car is going down the road.” “The horse is flying through the air.”
If they comment- reflect that: child-“No, it isn’t flying it is floating on a cloud.” You-“Ohhh, I see, floating on a cloud!” It is easy, say what they say with connection, curiosity and empathy... You can add on: “The cloud is fluffy and white.” Again- avoid questions, it takes away from play.
Questions: “What are you doing?” “Where are you going to put that?” “What is it’s name?” Take away from play... you can really see a difference when you throw in a question. In behavior speak: Questions are called “mands”. It is a mand for information, or a request for something- very important in language and communication.. but it doesn’t belong in play. In play it takes away. Mand comes from the word “command” and “demand”. In play- it is your child’s world- where they should command. Try a fill in the blank with a pause. “The cat says___________.” Wait for a reply, if none comes, fill in the blank. “I see you put the big piece on top, you are building a_________. “ Child answers, you say, “Ohh a house.!”
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You can find really great you t

26/08/2020

Ever driven down the road and realized you don’t remember how you got there?
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Ever gone to a party with people talking to each other but you only hear the voice in your head?
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You have experience blindfulness. It happens when our thoughts are the primary construct of our reality. It’s ok except when it prevent you from noticing what is REALLY happening rather than what you “think” is happening.
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The fix? On purpose observing what you see, feel, and hear. Describing that to yourself, in your head- try to notice what is real. The more often you notice what is really happening...the more joy you find, the more life you experience, and the less stress you will have.
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This is especially true for parents. We interpret through our words in our head what is happening...when a moment of curious observation will provide an eternal moment of connection, and perspective taking and calm neutral, clarity of how to respond to our littles.
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