Nicole Byrne, LMFT

04/24/2026

I just made a video explaining how EMDR helps with fawning.

If you've ever wondered what happens in an EMDR session or how it works with people-pleasing—this breaks it down.

Watch here: https://youtu.be/3M3iY6zN7to

04/22/2026

When you stop fawning, anger shows up.

For years, I kept the peace. I took responsibility for everything. I could spin gold from dysfunction - creating these introspective narratives that made terrible interactions seem like growth.

And I believed it.

Now? I'm feeling rage. And I'm learning how to hold it without letting it consume me.

I wrote about this in my latest newsletter—the part of healing fawning that nobody warns you about.

If this resonates, the link is in the comments.

04/20/2026

Fawning isn't something you choose. It's automatic.

Your nervous system learned that saying yes and keeping the peace = staying safe and loved.

It's like an old program running based on stored beliefs.

If this resonates, I made a full video explaining fawning and how therapy helps. Link in comments.

04/17/2026

For years, I've been talking about people-pleasing. But I'm learning something deeper.

Sometimes people-pleasing isn't only a pattern. Sometimes it's a trauma response, or what we call fawning.

Your nervous system learned that keeping the peace was how you stayed safe. So now, even with safe people, your body still responds like disagreement is dangerous.

That's why:
- You say yes before you can even think
- You feel responsible for everyone's emotions
- Setting boundaries makes your chest tighten

If this sounds familiar, I just made a YouTube video explaining:
- What fawning is
- 3 signs you're fawning (not just being nice)
- How EMDR therapy helps heal it at the root

Watch here: https://youtu.be/JdRKLKH_HlI?si=Zc9Mn3tDuZ15IYHk

What is fawning? It's the fourth trauma response (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) that shows up as people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and feeling responsible fo...

04/16/2026

Sign #12 of mom burnout: Being resentful of your partner even when they're trying to help 😭

You're not mad they loaded the dishwasher wrong.

You're mad that you're the only one who knows where things go, who remembers to run it, who notices when you're out of detergent.

Resentment doesn't come out of nowhere. It's the slow build of doing more than your share.

If you're feeling this, you're not being unreasonable. You're burnt out from carrying the invisible load alone.

Watch the full short ➡️ https://youtu.be/mnRzzIDXMSQ?si=Acu23aT_cfBnK3sl

Sign #12 of mom burnout: Being resentful of your partner even when they're trying to help.Here's what's actually happening: You're not mad they loaded the di...

04/15/2026

For years, I've talked about people-pleasing. But lately, I've been learning something deeper: people-pleasing isn't always just a pattern. Sometimes, it's a trauma response.

And when that's the case? We call it fawning.

Your mom calls for the third time today. You're exhausted, don't want to talk. You know you could say, "Can I call you back tomorrow?" But what comes out is, "Oh hi! How are you? What's up?"

Your body won't let you set the boundary.

Our nervous systems are designed to protect us. When your body learned that conflict was dangerous because anger got you hurt or speaking up meant punishment, it did exactly what it needed to lovingly protect you. It made you easy, agreeable, helpful, and low-maintenance to neutralize the threat and keep you safe.

In my latest blog post, I'm sharing what fawning actually is, 10 signs you're fawning (not just being nice), why it happens, and how therapy helps you heal the pattern at the root.

Fawning was the most loving thing your body knew to do at the time. And now? Your body doesn't know how to unlearn it on its own.

That's what therapy helps with—teaching your nervous system something different. 💛

Read the full post: https://counselingwithnicole.com/new-blog/2026/4/14/what-is-fawning-the-trauma-response-no-one-talks-about

Fawning is a trauma response that shows up as people-pleasing, over-functioning, and saying yes when you mean no. Learn what fawning is, why it happens, and how therapy (ACT + EMDR) can help you heal the nervous system patterns at the root.

04/07/2026

New on my Substack: The People-Pleaser's Guide to Making Friends

If you've ever felt like you're waiting to be chosen instead of choosing, hovering at the edges hoping someone will invite you in, or shrinking yourself to avoid being "too much" — this one's for you.

I wrote about what I had to relearn (twice) after moving to Reno and then Pasadena: how to build community from scratch when your default is to wait, to minimize, to disappear.

Turns out, most people aren't waiting for you to be perfect or effortless. They're just waiting for someone to go first.

Read the full post in the comments below.

04/02/2026

Sign #10 of mom burnout that often goes unrecognized: saying "I'm fine" when you're anything but fine.

As a therapist specializing in maternal mental health, I see this pattern constantly. Moms who've learned to perform "fine" while drowning inside - saying "Busy!" with a laugh even after crying in the car that morning.

Why this matters: When we can't be honest about how we're actually doing, we can't access the support we need.

We can't heal what we won't acknowledge.

This is from my latest video covering 8 hidden signs of mom burnout. Full video on YouTube (link in comments).

03/31/2026

I just posted Part 2 of my mom burnout series on YouTube!

In this video, I cover 8 MORE signs of burnout that overwhelmed moms often miss - because they feel "normal" until you realize they're not.

Signs like:
→ Being touched out and not wanting anyone near you
→ Resentful of your partner (even when they're trying to help)
→ Jealous of other people's freedom
→ Forgetting things constantly
→ Can't make simple decisions anymore

If you saw yourself in my first video (or even if you didn't), this one might surprise you.

Link to watch in the comments below 👇

I'm curious, can any of you relate?

03/24/2026

The tulips wilted early this year.

It's been 30 degrees above normal here in Pasadena for weeks. After school pickup, the kids can't play outside. I look at my tulips, dried up before they had a chance to bloom, and I feel something I can only describe as mourning.

For those of us whose nervous systems are wired to respond to threat with action, it's genuinely destabilizing to solve a problem this big and this unresolvable.

Fix it. Do something. You should be doing more.

And when you can't? The nervous system spirals. Into guilt, into numbness, into midnight doom-scrolling, into buying the right products while the planet warms regardless.

In this week's newsletter, I write about climate grief, over-functioning, and learning to carry what's actually ours.

Because this one actually does belong to all of us. But it doesn't require you to carry the weight of the entire planet on your already tired nervous system.

Can you care deeply without letting it consume you?

Link in comments 💛

03/17/2026

You know you're over-functioning. You can see the pattern. So why can't you stop?

Because the pattern doesn't live in your thoughts. The pattern lives in your nervous system.

At some point, anticipating everyone's needs kept you safe. Managing their emotions earned approval. Your body learned: "When I do this, I stay connected."

And it worked.

But what protected you then exhausts you now.

In this week's blog post, I write about:
- Why knowing you're over-functioning isn't enough to change it
- What your nervous system learned (and why it still runs the show)
- The hidden cost of chronic over-functioning
- How the pattern actually shifts, and when you need support

If you've been trying to "just stop" and it's not working, this might help you understand why.

Link in comments 💛

03/10/2026

I used to be the person who would quietly struggle alone, who would never want to impose, who would wait and manage and figure it out myself before ever asking someone to show up for me.

Earlier this week I asked a friend if she could help me hang my curtains. She said yes. She came over, our kids played, we had dinner.

When they left, her bike stayed behind.

So the next day I dropped it off. What followed was one of those evenings that simply cannot be planned: neighbors materializing, kids spilling onto the sidewalk, wandering and lingering. By the end of the night I had a new friend's number.

All of it started because I asked for help.

In this week's newsletter, I write about the shy kid I was, the muscle I had to build, and the science that validates what I've experienced: that female connection literally calms our nervous systems.

For those of us who grew up people-pleasing our way through rooms—initiating can feel enormous. But most people are waiting to be invited in too.

Link in comments 💛