07/05/2024
What is Grief? You ask?
It is an unexplainable break in a family system. The role of the loss loved one is never replaced or even some times still alive broken from contact (most common with substance use and addictions or prison sentences).
This is what grief is:
The magnitude of love you have to give to that person having no where to put it.
The words you wish to speak to them hoping to hear their voice in return.
The unanswered questions and bargaining what could you have done or do to change the narrative
The regrets of what you didn’t do leading to deep feelings of guilt and self-blame
The warm body now cold or vanished from the extent of their injuries or illness that diminished it.
The visuals of what you saw leading up to the loss or during the burial
The damage to your self worth when they are still alive and won’t contact you or spend time with you (absent and imprisoned mothers, fathers, siblings, and family)
The unexplainable feelings of unfairness thinking of how others who don’t care like you did still have their loved ones with them
The lack of empathy and respect of those who are caught in religious myths and haven’t experienced the loss you have telling you to hurry up and move on.
The exhaustion of dealing with the process and aftermath while people try to rush you into moving on
It is the anger with God, the deceased one for leaving, and others for their insensitive behaviors as you try to process your pain
Grief is heavy. The weight is unbearable for those in active bereavement. Take a look for an example.
A hole ripped through the very fabric of your being.
The hole eventually heals along the jagged edges that remain. It may even shrink in size.
But that hole will always be there.
A piece of you always missing.
For where there is deep grief, there was great love.
Don’t be ashamed of your grief.
Don’t judge it.
Don’t suppress it.
Don’t rush it.
Rather, acknowledge it.
Lean into it.
Listen to it.
Feel it.
Sit with it.
Sit with the pain. Say their name. And remember the love.
This is where your healing will begin.
-T. Alisha Huff, IMHC, CAGCS
Certified Advanced Grief Counseling Specialist
Dr. Mary Archibald, PhD, CAGCS
Florida Counseling Services, Florida Counseling Services, LLC.
Because I’m anointed to help, I prayed a special prayer for every grieving family in our community today. May the Lord comfort your hearts as only He can.