http://limitlessmindsetcoaching.com/

Mindset Coaching, Philadelphia, PA (2025)

07/05/2024

Can I tell you why replacing a limiting belief with a new, more positive belief doesn’t work?

I do a lot of mindset transformation work with my clients. I also listen to a lot of coaches who are *not* mindset experts try to help their students with mindset stuff. I really wish they’d stop doing that and just hire someone like me to teach mindset stuff to their students!

One of the recommendations I see most often is coaches telling their students that they just have to replace their limiting belief with a new, more positive belief.

This is very well-meaning advice, but it doesn’t work. And here’s why.

Beliefs that hold us back from building our business were formed before we turned 7 years old (some people say 6 years old; some say 9 – I’m going with 7).

So, it’s not like you just woke up yesterday and decided, “I’m not good enough,” or, “What if this doesn’t work for me?” or, “What if this does work for me?”

You decided you’re not good enough or things don’t work out for you or you’re afraid of things working out for you before you were 7 years old.

Then, once you had the belief, you started looking for evidence to prove you’re right. Then, as a result of looking for evidence to prove you’re right, you created a well-trodden path in your brain that always leads to that (limiting) belief. And since your brain always takes the path of least resistance – i.e. leading you directly to that (limiting) belief, simply replacing that belief with a new, more positive belief isn’t going to work.

It's like taking a hike on a trail where thousands, or tens of thousands, or hundreds of thousands of people have hiked before (this is the “I’m not good enough” trail). You decide that you’re going to take a different route (the “I’m good enough” route). So you start to break in the new trail. How many people (i.e. your brain) do you think are going to follow your new trail (“I’m good enough”) versus the old, well-trodden (“I’m not good enough”) path? Not many. You’d have to keep going back thousands of times, tens of thousands of time, even hundreds of thousands of times before your new trail (the “I’m good enough” trail) is the more appealing trail for people (i.e. your brain) to hike.

Let’s look at an actual example. You likely started school when you were 4 or 5 years old. Maybe you had an older brother or sister. You drew a picture in school. All proud of yourself, you brought it home and showed it to your parent. Your parent or caregiver gave you a cursory, “Oh that’s beautiful, honey,” and then kept moving on with their day.

You notice that your brother’s or sister’s artwork is hanging on the fridge. Yours never makes it there. So you decide (even though your parent didn’t intend for you to believe this) that you’re not good enough.

The next day you come home with your paper full of letters you’re learning to write – you know those papers where you copied the A in uppercase and lowercase format. Then you did the B and the C and so on.

Again, you show your paper to your parent. But your brother or sister just came home with a spelling test where they got an A and your parent is fawning all over them. You conclude, again, that you’re not good enough.

Now you’re on the hunt.

You dress yourself the next day and your parent tells you your shirt doesn’t match your shorts, and you need to go upstairs and change.

You’re not good enough ... again.

Now you’re 50 years old. You’ve had, what? 43, 44, 45, 46 years of building up all that evidence that you’re not good enough.

Do you actually think that putting up a post-it note on your computer is going to change that “I’m not good enough” belief?

To be honest, yes, it would change that belief. But it took you, say, 45 years to form that belief. How many years do you think it’s going to take to unform that belief? Because remember, you’re still going to be looking for evidence as to why you’re not good enough, even while you’re trying to change that belief to “I’m good enough”!

This is why simply replacing an old belief with a new, more positive belief just doesn’t work.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please comment below. And share this post if you think it would help someone!

And, if you enjoyed this, please follow me 🙂

06/24/2024

There’s a story I’ve been telling myself – I hate social media.

This has been my story for quite a long time – years even.

I hated the pressure.

I am a healer and a coach. And everyone who teaches coaches how to be successful in business teaches that you have to be on social media to get clients.

I get it. Makes sense. But I HATED how they were teaching it.

I tried the things they said to do. But it never felt like ... me.

And then I heard a coach say something different.

Stop posting for other people. Post for YOU.

It feels different.

It feels aligned.

It feels easy.

So that’s what I’m doing. Finding my voice. Posting for me. If you like it, stay. If you don’t, that’s cool. Go find someone who speaks to you.

And I’ll still be here, being me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

06/21/2024

I had a really big breath through recently while having dinner with my family. I have shut myself down. This didn't happen recently, although I think it's become more apparent recently.

There are lots of reasons I shut myself down, which I won't go into here. But one of the reasons was glaringly apparent at this recent family dinner.

I opened my mouth one time at this dinner to recount a recent experience, and one of my family members literally started a whisper conversation with another family member within seconds of me starting to speak.

I realized this happens whenever I'm in this person's presence.

It's not like they do this to everyone. They only do it to me.

Now, there are lots of ways I could process this experience.

I could get pi**ed and just cut them off.

I could not spend time with them anymore.

I could make this about how unimportant I am.

I could make this about how worthless I am.

I could just shrink back and go back into that hermit state I've spent so long in.

I could never open my mouth again at a family dinner.

Sure, I could do any or all of those things.

But instead, I made a decision.

I decided - I am worth more than that.

I will continue to be me. I will continue to speak up.

And if you don't want to listen, that's cool. Don't. That's about you.

I will NOT make it about me.

I'm not doing that victim identity anymore. Period.

07/03/2023

The Money & Mindset Summit is on Saturday, July 8th from 9am EST/8am CST - 6pm EST/5pm CST. I will be presenting Let’s Be Friends: Making friends with money @ 4pm EST/3pm CST. You can join me live on the Empowered Women Sell More FB group. Remember to join the group ahead of time so you don’t miss anything! https://www.facebook.com/groups/7752399748163999/?ref=share

05/23/2023

Guilt or shame can make it difficult to forgive someone because these emotions can lead us to believe that we are somehow responsible for the hurt that we've experienced. We may feel that we deserved to be hurt or that we should have done something differently to prevent the hurt from happening.

Forgiveness is not the same as absolving responsibility. Forgiving someone does not mean that you are absolving them of responsibility for their actions or that you are saying what they did was okay. It simply means that you are choosing to let go of your anger and resentment towards them.

Practice self-compassion. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and it's okay to forgive yourself for any mistakes that you may have made. Offer yourself kind words of encouragement and remind yourself that you are worthy of forgiveness.

Challenge negative self-talk. Challenge negative self-talk by identifying the underlying beliefs that are driving it and looking for evidence that contradicts those beliefs.

Focus on the present moment. Guilt or shame can be rooted in past actions or events. Try to focus on the present moment and let go of any thoughts or feelings that are tied to the past. Practice mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, to help you stay present and centered.

Guilt or shame can make it hard to forgive someone, but with the right strategies and support, forgiveness is possible. By recognizing that forgiveness is not the same as absolving responsibility, practicing self-compassion, challenging negative self-talk, seeking support from others, focusing on the present moment, and considering working with a coach, you can work towards forgiveness and cultivate a sense of inner peace and healing.

05/19/2023

Did you know that feeling guilt and/or shame is a choice? Let me know in the comments if you knew that.

Guilt or shame can make it difficult to forgive someone because these emotions can lead us to believe that we are somehow responsible for the hurt that we've experienced. We may feel that we deserved to be hurt or that we should have done something differently to prevent the hurt from happening. As a result, we may struggle to let go of our anger and resentment towards the person who hurt us and find it hard to forgive them.

Here are some strategies to help overcome guilt or shame and cultivate forgiveness:

Recognize that forgiveness is not the same as absolving responsibility. Forgiving someone does not mean that you are absolving them of responsibility for their actions or that you are saying what they did was okay. It simply means that you are choosing to let go of your anger and resentment towards them.

Practice self-compassion. If you are struggling with guilt or shame, it's important to practice self-compassion. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and it's okay to forgive yourself for any mistakes that you may have made. Offer yourself kind words of encouragement and remind yourself that you are worthy of forgiveness.

Challenge negative self-talk. Guilt or shame can lead to negative self-talk, which can make it harder to forgive someone. Challenge negative self-talk by identifying the underlying beliefs that are driving it and looking for evidence that contradicts those beliefs.

Seek support from others. It can be helpful to talk to trusted friends or family members about your feelings of guilt or shame. They can offer you emotional support and help you see the situation from a different perspective.

Focus on the present moment. Guilt or shame can be rooted in past actions or events. Try to focus on the present moment and let go of any thoughts or feelings that are tied to the past. Practice mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, to help you stay present and centered.

Guilt or shame can make it hard to forgive someone, but with the right strategies and support, forgiveness is possible. By recognizing that forgiveness is not the same as absolving responsibility, practicing self-compassion, challenging negative self-talk, seeking support from others, focusing on the present moment, and considering working with a therapist or mental health professional, you can work towards forgiveness and cultivate a sense of inner peace and healing.

05/18/2023

Do you get triggered when you feel out of control? Let me know in the comments.

Fear of losing control can make it hard to forgive someone because it can trigger feelings of vulnerability and powerlessness. When we forgive someone, we're relinquishing our hold on the situation and trusting that the other person will not hurt us again in the future. For someone who fears losing control, this can be a daunting prospect and make forgiveness seem like an impossible task.

Strategies for overcoming the fear of losing control and cultivating forgiveness may include:

Identify and challenge limiting beliefs. The fear of losing control may be driven by underlying beliefs that are holding you back. Identify any limiting beliefs you may have, such as "if I forgive this person, I'll be weak" or "if I let go of my anger, I'll lose my sense of control." Challenge these beliefs by looking for evidence that contradicts them and replacing them with more empowering beliefs.

Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques. When we're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, it can be helpful to ground ourselves in the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation to help calm your body and mind. This can help reduce the fear of losing control and create a sense of inner peace and stability.

Build trust gradually. If you're hesitant to forgive someone because you fear losing control, it may be helpful to build trust gradually. Start by setting small boundaries and seeing how the other person responds. As they demonstrate trustworthiness and reliability, you can gradually increase your level of trust and move towards forgiveness.

Practice self-compassion. Forgiving someone can be a challenging and emotional process, so it's important to be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Acknowledge the difficulty of the situation and offer yourself words of encouragement and support.

Seek support from trusted friends or family members. It can be helpful to have a support system in place when working towards forgiveness. Reach out to trusted friends or family members for emotional support, guidance, and perspective.

Fear of losing control can make it hard to forgive someone, but with the right strategies and support, forgiveness is possible. By identifying and challenging limiting beliefs, practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques, building trust gradually, practicing self-compassion, seeking support from trusted individuals, and considering working with a therapist or mental health professional, you can work towards forgiveness and cultivate a sense of inner peace and stability.

05/17/2023

Does unresolved trauma make it hard for you to forgive someone who's hurt you?

Unresolved trauma can make it challenging to forgive someone because it can trigger intense emotional reactions and make it difficult to regulate our thoughts and feelings. Trauma can leave us feeling helpless, powerless, and vulnerable, and it can create a sense of fear or anxiety around trusting others or being vulnerable.

When we've experienced trauma, forgiving someone may feel like we're letting them off the hook or minimizing the impact of their actions. It can be challenging to let go of the hurt and anger we feel towards the other person, especially if we feel like they haven't taken responsibility for their actions or made amends.

Strategies for overcoming unresolved trauma and cultivating forgiveness may include:

Seek support from a therapist or mental health professional who specializes in trauma. A trained professional can help you work through your feelings and develop coping strategies to manage the emotional reactions that may arise when thinking about the situation.

Practice self-care and self-compassion. Trauma can leave us feeling depleted and overwhelmed, so it's important to prioritize our well-being and engage in activities that bring us joy and relaxation.

Engage in trauma-focused therapy modalities such as EMDR or trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). These modalities can help individuals work through unresolved traumatic experiences and reduce negative emotions, leading to increased ability to forgive.

Consider forgiveness as a process rather than an event. Forgiveness is not a one-time decision, but rather a journey that involves ongoing work and self-reflection. It's okay to take your time and be patient with yourself as you work towards forgiveness.

Practice empathy and compassion towards the person who hurt you. This does not mean condoning their behavior, but rather recognizing that they too may have experienced trauma or difficulties in their life that led to their actions. This can help create a shift in perspective and open the door to forgiveness.

Finally, focus on personal growth and healing. Forgiveness involves finding closure and moving forward from hurtful situations. By focusing on personal growth and healing, we can find peace within ourselves and work towards cultivating forgiveness.

Unresolved trauma can make it challenging to forgive someone, but with the right support, strategies, and mindset, forgiveness is possible. Seeking support from a trained professional, practicing self-care and compassion, engaging in trauma-focused therapy modalities, and focusing on personal growth and healing are all ways to work towards forgiveness.

05/16/2023

Does needing closure affect whether you can forgive someone or not? Let me know in the comments.

When someone has hurt us, it's natural to want closure. We want to understand why they did what they did, and to hear an apology or explanation. But sometimes, closure is not possible or practical.

Lack of closure can make it challenging to forgive someone because it can leave us with unresolved feelings or questions about what happened. When we've been hurt by someone, we may need closure to make sense of the situation, understand the other person's perspective, or feel like we can move forward.

Without it, we may feel stuck in our emotions or thoughts, replaying the situation over and over in our minds, or feeling like we're still waiting for something to happen. This can make it difficult to let go of the hurt and anger we feel towards the other person and move towards forgiveness.

If you're struggling to forgive because of a lack of closure, there are some things you can do to help.

Recognize that closure is not necessary for forgiveness. Forgiveness is about letting go of anger and resentment, even if you don't understand why the other person did what they did.

Focus on finding your own sense of closure. This might mean talking to a therapist or trusted friend, journaling about your feelings, or finding a creative outlet to express yourself.

Practice self-compassion. It's okay to feel hurt and confused, even if you don't have closure. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to heal and move on.

Forgiveness involves finding closure within ourselves, even if we don't receive it from the other person. It involves accepting what has happened, acknowledging our feelings and needs, and finding a way to make peace with the situation.

Forgiveness can be a difficult and complex process, but it's important for our own well-being and happiness. By understanding the barriers to forgiveness and practicing strategies to overcome them, we can learn to let go of anger and resentment and move towards healing and peace.

05/15/2023

When someone has hurt you, have you found it hard to forgive because of social or cultural pressure? Let me know in the comments.

05/12/2023

Do you have a really strong sense of justice ... so much so that you either seek revenge on those who have hurt you or you believe their needs to be *some* sort of consequence for people's action? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Personally, I have a really strong sense of justice. It's really hard for me sometimes to move past not wanting the other person to suffer or at the very least, there being some sort of consequence when they've been cruel to me.

Mindset Coaching

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