08/04/2024
I started My Hope in Marriage in about 2018 to publish what I learned in over 30 years of marriage. It started as a resource for people to use to learn more about marriage and improve theirs. That's why I started studying and learning about marriage over 36 years ago myself.
However, it has become more focused on husbands to help them cope with their marriages. Most of the comments I get are from men, though I treasure those I get from women because I want that perspective. Truth be told, there are many men silently suffering in their marriages. Their marriages aren't necessarily bad, but they are not conducive to their own happiness and fulfillment.
Remember this essential fact about marriage. Your spouse is human. He or she has needs, and it is your responsibility to do your part to meet the needs they have. Of course, you can't meet all their needs, but you can do what you are able to do for them.
Another important aspect of marriage is it is the union of two souls. If that union doesn't happen or fades away over the years, the marriage becomes the cohabitation of roommates, which is not healthy for the marriage (unless both are cool with that).
Many men silently suffer because, for one thing, they want peace. They have learned that bringing up issues with their wives usually leads to an emotional response and a self-centered disposition, leaving their concerns unresolved. Then, there is less peace because of that conflict.
From a young age, men know that their success will include providing for and protecting their wives and children. However, many men feel there is little to no reciprocation. They don't get the emotional connection they crave and assumed they would get in marriage. Instead, they end up living with their children's mother instead of their wives.
Losing hope, men shut down and distance themselves from their wives. That leads to one of two, perhaps three options: continue in a life of misery, get his needs met elsewhere, or perhaps divorce.
I've encountered this so many times when speaking to men and reading their comments and posts on forums. They feel unloved and stuck with women they no longer love emotionally. They are alone with stumbling blocks in front of them all the time, searching for a way off the train. Life is hard enough. Husbands assume that their homes would be a peaceful safe haven. However, for many, it is just another source of stress, loneliness, and unhappiness.
I hope that more women will become enlightened to the plight of men and do what they can to help their husbands and be their companions. I wish that more women (and men) would prioritize their marriage over the children, church services, and careers.
I pray that unhappy husbands would somehow find comfort (morally) and obtain a happy and fulfilling life regardless of the state of their marriage.
I also hope that men would be worthy of their wives' respect and companionship. Don't be lazy. Be there for her and cover her. Do what you can so that she is not looking for alternatives to you. Be responsible.
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