Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT

08/19/2025

I feel so lucky to have Jenny to learn from

We are so lucky to have Jenny Blaszczyk, MS, LPC as a senior clinical supervisor and therapist at A Better Life! Jenny sees clients at our Ardmore office and supports clinicians working toward their licensure. She speaks English + Spanish and specializes in trauma, addiction, narcissistic abuse, and couples therapy. She is a wonderful colleague, friend, and therapist.

08/12/2025

Early in my career, I felt frustrated with the limits of traditional weekly, 50-minute couples therapy sessions. Fifty minutes is barely enough for one person, let alone two partners who both need to share their perspectives, learn new skills, process past hurts, improve their attachment system, and still come to some kind of consensus about moving forward.

So I tried something different. Instead of meeting once a week, I devoted entire weekends to working with one couple at a time. These intensive sessions created the space for deeper work, faster breakthroughs, and lasting change. Over time, I connected with other therapists doing the same thing, and we all agreed: the impact of intensive therapy is hard to put into words—but you can feel it in the profound shifts couples experience.

The more I talked with colleagues, the more I realized many wanted to offer intensives but didn’t know where to start. That’s why I wrote The Clinician’s Guide to Intensive Couples Therapy—a comprehensive roadmap for bringing this transformative approach into your practice.

It’s available for preorder now! If you’ve ever thought about adding couples intensives to your work, this guide will show you exactly how.

Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.

06/12/2025

It’s been a few weeks since I ditched my smartphone for a flip phone and no, life hasn’t gotten harder. In fact, I hardly notice it's gone.

All the little things that once felt essential when I was overthinking the switch like ordering takeout, checking social media, sending instant payments turned out to be easily replaced or, honestly, not that important at all.

I don’t Grubhub as much. I Venmo from my laptop. And social media? It's there when I choose to sit at my computer, but ordering, scrolling, researching... it doesn’t hold the same power it did when it lived in the palm of my hand. It’s lost its trance.

The hardest part hasn't been about losing access to anything it’s been waking up to how disconnected we are to everything *here* while trying to stay so connected *in there*.

Without my smartphone to lean on, I find myself more present in waiting rooms, in lines, at restaurants, during school pickup. And what I see is everyone else isn’t.

We’re everywhere, but our attention is nowhere. A person’s telling a story to their partner while that partner scrolls. A kind stranger tries to make eye contact, but the moment’s missed. A four-year-old tugs at a parent’s shirt, unnoticed. I used to be that person too more than I realized.

We often justify it:

“I need a moment to zone out.”
“I’m just responding to something important.”
“This is the only time I have to catch up.”

Believe me, I used those lines too. It's why I know them so well. I told myself I had urgent things to handle—emails to send, bills to pay, school forms to submit, calendars to check.

But I’ve managed to do all of that without a smartphone.

Smartphones have become so embedded in our lives that we've stopped giving ourselves credit for what we’re capable of without them. The truth is: most things still work without instant access to a screen.

You can still:

Navigate your day
Coordinate with friends
Pay a bill
Submit a school form
Be entertained

But what we can’t do well when we’re constantly glued to our devices is look someone in the eye. Be interrupted by a child and respond with curiosity. Sit still and feel the boredom or restlessness of a quiet moment. And then move through it.

Our smartphones can keep us connected, but they also are designed like mini slot machines in our pockets. Checking our phones feels a lot like pulling the lever. There’s always the chance, however small, of a reward. A notification, a comment, a bit of novelty. That tiny rush of dopamine keeps us coming back for more. And every day life has a hard time competing with that.

One study found that “phubbing” (snubbing someone in favor of your phone) reduces relationship satisfaction—both for the person being ignored and the one doing the ignoring.¹ Another shows that the average person taps their phone over 2,600 times per day.²

It’s not just habit. It’s design. And it’s working against the kind of presence that relationships thrive on.

I didn’t switch to a flip phone to make a point. I did it because I needed a break. But it’s done something bigger it’s made me see what I couldn’t when I was always in my own screen.

We’re not missing out when we put the phone away. We’re returning to what we’ve always needed: real, unfiltered, here-and-now connection.

06/10/2025

Couples often feel less satisfied after the baby comes. Career transitions can lead to divorce. Illness can shake a marriage—especially when the woman is the one who gets sick. Even empty nesters face another spike in divorce.

It’s easy to hear all of this and think:
Maybe committing to someone just doesn’t work.
Maybe love can’t survive life’s big changes.

But the surface-level data leaves something out.
It’s not the change itself that breaks a relationship rather it’s how we respond to the stress of that change.

Big life transitions are demanding because both partners are suddenly trying to:
– Self-regulate
– Problem-solve
– Compromise
– Redefine roles
– Navigate identity shifts

It’s messy. It’s hard. It’s frustrating.
And at first, it can feel like your partner is the problem. But often, it’s the stress talking.

When couples forget that, they start to blame each other, shut down, get critical, avoid, deny— All the things we know don’t help a relationship thrive.

What I wish more couples knew is this:
If you're going through a big change and things feel off or disconnected, it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.
It might just mean that something is new.

One of the best things you can do is stabilize your relationship by leaning into a “we mindset.”

Something as simple as:
🗨️ “We’ve got this.”
🗨️ “Things feel off—let’s figure it out together.”

When there is change, expect discomfort and work toward managing that together.

05/30/2025

Last weekend, my phone fell out of my pocket into the shallow water of a lake. I didn't notice until after I finished canoeing. By the time I got to the phone, I guess it was too late. So, I've been phoneless since then.

Today, I went to the store to get a new phone, and as I waited for my turn, I had a visceral reaction to getting another smartphone. So, when they asked me which phone I wanted to replace it with, I said, "A dumb one." The man laughed at me and then asked, "Are you sure?"

I was sure.

He went to the back, where they apparently keep their flip phones, and brought me out two options: durable or flimsy. "Unless you're in construction, the flimsy one will be fine," he said.

So, I took the flimsy one because I am not in construction.

$125 later, and I am the owner of a new, incredibly dumb phone. This is the second time I have done this in the last 10 years. Last time, I lasted a pretty long time—until my service provider told me my phone was analog and they could no longer support it. Then I caved and got the free "upgrade." But honestly, I think it was kind of a downgrade.

Today, I've still gotten to my emails, connected with whomever I needed to connect with, and got where I needed to go. But I didn't scroll anything... not even once.

How long do you think I can last?

05/21/2025

Today ❤️

Celebrated one year of Kenna Mellinger, MFT being part of the team at and her amazing clinical director, Kristelle Mallah, LMFT opening her own ABL office in Easton, PA and leading with so much care and skill. Watching both of them grow over the past year has been the best!

05/21/2025

Today I spent the afternoon at the A Better Life Therapy, LLC Easton office to celebrate Kenna’s one year anniversary with the practice!

One of the best parts of my job is having the opportunity to work with amazing therapists like Kenna Mellinger (and Kristelle Mallah, also pictured here).

If you’re in the Easton area and looking for a therapist who specializes in relationships - Kenna and Kristelle are both excellent.

04/28/2025

Each week, I send out a newsletter to help you and your partner connect. Read it by following this link > https://elizabethearnshawlmft.substack.com/p/easy-like-sunday-morning-v-71

04/24/2025

As therapists, we know relationship challenges often stem from deeper stressors. The daily pressures of
life create tension between partners, leaving them emotionally drained—and that tension shows up in
therapy.

Couples often walk in feeling distant, not because of one specific issue, but because stress is piling up.
And when stress is high, addressing conflicts becomes nearly impossible.

That’s exactly why I created a self-paced, 6-hour workshop designed to give you real, practical tools to
support couples in navigating these challenges.

Here’s what you’ll get in my workshop…

 22 Clinical interventions to help couples:
🗣️ Regulate their emotions and communicate more effectively
❤️ Reconnect emotionally—both in therapy and at home
✋ Set healthy boundaries and move past resentment

 Proven techniques for helping couples manage stress and strengthen their bond
By the end of this workshop, you’ll have a clear, actionable toolkit to help couples rebuild trust and
emotional safety in their relationships.

If this sounds like something that could benefit you follow the link to sign up! You can start any time since it's completely self-paced! https://shorturl.at/6RaYe

I’m confident these tools will help you create lasting change with the couples you work with – plus get
an additional 50% off my exclusive partner rate with code: LizListens at checkout!

04/24/2025

“This was one of the first books I read on how to have difficult conversations, and I find myself going back to it again and again with clients,” Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Philadelphia and the author of the book “’Til Stress Do Us Part,” said in an email.

Among its “clear and actionable suggestions,” the book outlines a process for both parties to “own their part” in creating the problem in the relationship, Ms. Earnshaw said. The first person to admit any wrongdoing is “modeling to the other person that it is safe for them to express their own contribution, too,” she explained.

Read my recommendation (along with the recommendations of 4 others) in this article in the New York Times Well section. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/22/well/difficult-people.html?searchResultPosition=1

04/24/2025

We've all experienced ourselves sitting on the edge of our seat while watching a scary movie wanting to scream through the screen to the characters "don't run up the stairs!!" knowing what awaits them if they do. It's a trap and we know it.

When I observe couples in therapy, I have my own "don't go up the stairs moments". As I watch the couple use a strategy I know is going to walk them straight into their dysfunctional dance of conflict I wish that they could see what I see from the start...before it's too late.

At first, they often don't. We struggle to see ourselves because we are too close - in the same way that someone struggles to make out the image of a Monet painting if they are too close.

In couples therapy, I am able to help them see the big picture - the dance that I notice they do each and every time their conversation goes in the wrong direction. I even encourage them to think of the unhelpful things they do as their "don't go up the stairs" moments. Some of them even leave with that mantra and use it to remind themselves to just stop. To not participate in the same destructive behavior they participate in each time. To try to find another approach instead.

Even if you're not in couples therapy, though, you can begin to see the bigger picture of your arguments. Reflect back on a recent conversation that didn't go how you had hoped. What happened toward the start of that discussion that might have led it in the wrong direction? Was there criticism? Defensiveness? Stonewalling? Contempt? Did someone just have to be right? Were there efforts to exert control? Was there unbridled self expression ( you know the whole "if you can't love me at my worst" thing), did someone retaliate (well you did that so now I am going to do this!)? Did someone withdrawal? And if any of these things happened, do they tend to happen again and again, each time there is disagreement?

If so, reflect on which of these things you do. And then, if you'd like to improve the way you show up in the relationship, whenever you are tempted to use one of these "losing strategies" say to yourself "don't go up the stairs."

04/21/2025