G Brenton Mock

G Brenton Mock Brent was pastor for 30 years with a Masters of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.

I provide Christian counseling, coaching and relationship education to help people overcome obstacles to their growth so that they can fully realize and become the person God created them to be, so that they can do all he calls them to do.

08/26/2025

Today Carol and I celebrate 53 years together. After Jesus, no one has brought more meaning and joy to my life than her. A most blessed anniversary, Carol, for you sure have blessed me.

08/01/2021

Breaking Free from Shame, God’s Answer

Which is more painful to believe: I made a mistake, or I am a mistake. The “I am” belief will most assuredly cripple our lives and, if left unchecked, can kill. It comes from the terminal disease of shame. Shame is so deadly because it attacks the very core of our being. It is different than guilt. Guilt comes from bad choices and hurtful behaviors. Guilt focuses on what we do or don’t do. With guilt we can be motivated to improve. We can learn to make better choices. We need not be locked into repetitive patterns that defeat us and prevent us from having the life we want. The mindset with shame is entirely different. As shame defines who we are, our being, we assume, “This is who I am and that can never change.” It becomes a life sentence of despair and hopelessness. We, therefore, feel powerless and that the choices we make will make no difference in the quality of our lives. We constantly feel less than the people in our live, inadequate or unlovable.

A shame based person tends to be focused on their inadequacies and insecurities. They fail to appreciate that, to varying degrees, everyone struggles with a sense of shame. That is because we all are sinners living in a fallen world. Sin is best defined as falling short, not able to meet the standard. We all instinctively know this, and it causes us to act from those insecurities, usually in ways that do not work, do not resolve our sense of shame. These perceived failures just reinforce our feelings of inadequacy and being unlovable. This results in a world of hurting people who hurt each other.

We all need a solution beyond ourselves. That solution comes from our loving God. John 3: 16 and 17 wonderfully declare that: For God so loved the world [a world of hurting people hurting other people], that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life [share in the very life of God]. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Shame condemns. God saves us from condemnation. Shame makes it impossible for us to love ourselves. Our hearts have a hole in them that we are unable to fill. Romans 5: 5 tells us that, God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. God’s answer is to change our hearts, to fill that hole with his love.

We can no longer see ourselves as a mistake, as defective. Our God, not only created us to be exactly who we are and who he knows we can be, he sent his Son to set us free from all the painful distortions a fallen world caused us to believe about ourselves. If the all-knowing God of the universe does not condemn us, we no longer can condemn ourselves. As I like to ask: If all the seven billion people in this world say you are a jerk and God says you are not, who is right. God’s solution, therefore, is not looking to the world to treat us better, but to what he can do in our hearts.

Our ability to embrace this life changing truth grows in the garden of our lives as we seek to bring forth a bountiful harvest of good. It all begins by realizing there is a harvest we can reap. Romans 5: 1 – 5 spells this out:

Therefore, since we have been justified [made right with God] by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace [unmerited favor] in which we stand, and we hope in the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Being at peace with God inevitably leads us to be at peace with ourselves. Romans 8: 31, If God is for us, who can be against us? His view of us trumps our view distorted view of ourselves. And it is in the midst of suffering and, perhaps, feeling like failures, that we find our God even closer as he uses those tough times to shape our character to be like his. Seeing God using this to prune us to be more fruitful, always gives us hope. He never gives up on us, especially when we are tempted to give up on ourselves.

For those of us who struggle with shame, I commend to you Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3: 14 – 19:

For this reason I bow before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that being rooted and grounded in his love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

I pray this scripture every morning. I need to intentionally connect with the God who loves and gave himself for me.

What I have shared here is foundational to all the work I do as a Christian counselor. If this blog has blessed you, please like and share it. For more articles like this visit our website at: https;//bcncccounseling.com.

03/19/2018

How to Stop Worrying and Find Peace
Trusting God and Doing the Right Thing
Philippians 4: 4-19
I want to share a biblical truth that changed my life. Embracing the truths in Philippians 4 took away the anxiety I had in making my life work. God replaced that worry with his presence and power. He showed me his part and my part and how each of us does our part resulting in a peace that transcends all stressful circumstances.

The primary truth set forth in Philippians 4 is that the Lord is near, a reality that should cause us to continually rejoice. These verses repeat the promise that we can have the peace of God, which transcends all understanding; that the God of peace will be with us. Philippians 4 instructs us on how to let Christ’s peace rule, every day – with every challenge we face.
We, first, trust God for the outcomes (4-7)
Paul acknowledges that we will get anxious, often. When anxious about anything, he calls us to pray about everything. Why don’t we do this? Why do we choose not to turn to him in our anxious moments? In my experience I think it is because we do not believe God is near to us. If we honestly look at how we tend to handle stressful challenges, we must conclude that too often we operate on the assumption that it is all up to us.

Even when we struggle to believe God is near, Paul calls us to act as if he is; to pray about every concern we have. When anxious about anything, pray about everything. What happens when we pray? We ask God to be at work regarding the concern that makes us anxious. We do so thankfully. In doing so we remind ourselves that God is near, with us. Our prayer can go like this: “Lord, you do not seem near to me today. I feel like I cannot connect with you. But, Lord, I know you are with me, that you care. Here is my concern. This is what I am asking you to do.”

When we do so, the text tells us, we experience the peace of God. The text says Christ’s peace will guard our hearts and minds. The word for guard here has the intent of there being a garrison around us. It is a picture of a citadel under attack, which God garrisons by his power. When doubts assail us, when we cannot guarantee the outcome we need, Paul calls us to thankful prayer to the God who delivers; who delivers us and delivers what is needed. Such prayer trusts God for the outcomes. We cannot guarantee the outcomes. That is way above our pay grade, but not above God’s. To release our anxious concerns to God in thankful prayer is to tell him we trust that he will do what he thinks best. We trust that whatever outcome he brings, will be in our best interest.

An uncertain future makes us anxious. In this troubled world the only certainty we have is Jesus, and this is the Jesus who said:” In this world you will have trouble, but take heart. I have overcome the world.” Anxiety can lead us to rash choices as we attempt to guarantee good outcomes. Psalm 37 reminds us:” Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;…Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it leads only to evil. Rather, we trust the Lord who goes on to promise: If the Lord delight in a man’s way, he will make his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” It all comes down to recognizing it is God’s responsibility to guarantee good outcomes. Our job is to release our anxious concerns to him and trust him.

Second, we focus on the truth and do the next right action (8, 9)
If God’s part is to guarantee the outcomes we can’t, what is our part? For what are we responsible? The text goes on to clarify this.” Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

There are two crucial actions we can take.

The first is to think rightly. What we focus on is important. Our focus can be a help or a hindrance. This is because what we focus on we intensify in our thinking. That can be harmful or helpful. What things are we to focus on and intensify? We are to focus on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. We are not to focus on what is false, ignoble, wrong, impure, ugly, reprehensible, shoddy, or condemning. To think rightly is to focus on God’s truth, his noble calling for us, what he considers pure and lovely, and what he considers worthy of praise. When distilled down what Paul wants us to intently focus on is God’s values. My work convinces me that in the deepest part of our being we embrace these values. To be created in God’s image involves sharing his values. When we are at our very best, we operate out of the values that God has written on the tablet of our hearts. Values that more than anything else tells us how much God values us (as seen in Ephesians 1). Anxiety can cause us to act against those values, and that is just about the most self-destructive action we can take.

When we activate God’s values by focusing on them, we will make God-honoring, good choices that are in our long-term best interest and the interest of those we love. The logic is simple. When people feel better about themselves, they make better choices. When we feel bad about ourselves, we tend to make less than good choices. So, the first crucial action we take, after releasing our anxious concerns to the God who guarantees good outcomes, is to think God’s truths.
Paul goes on to identify the next crucial step we can take. We, first, trust God for the outcomes. We, second, we focus on God’s truths. From this good, highly valued place, we then do the next right thing. Paul goes on and commands us: “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Put it into practice. We can do this. We may not be able to guarantee the outcomes, but we can choose to do what we know is right. What is right refers to the apostolic teaching that Paul references. For us, it is God’s truth written down in our Bibles. These right choices are within our pay grade.

There is a cause and effect relationship at work here. We operate from that place where we are overwhelmed by the love of God. What we, then, choose will be what Jesus would do. And the God of peace will be with us. It is a peace that comes from knowing our God will bring about good outcomes. It is the peace we feel when we see that we are acting in line with God’s values and purposes. We know he will do his part, and we see ourselves doing our part. We know that, if we do the next right action, it will all work out. Such confidence in God and in our choices removes all stress and anxiety. The peace of God guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, because we know the God of peace is with. We rejoice to know he is near.

Third, we trust our Lord to give us all we need to consistently accomplish his purposes.

At this point God removes the anxiety we have that we will not be equal to the challenges we face. Verse 13 affirms that our God will give us the strength we need to successfully take that next right step.” I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” When we feel inadequate to the challenges we face, when we know we do not have in ourselves the ability to go forward, we will find God’s strength as near to us as he is, and he lives in us by his Spirit.

We get anxious because we have responsibilities and commitments from which we cannot walk away, and yet we are unsure we can meet them. We struggle with feeling inadequate. The God who gave Paul strength is the God Paul prays to for us in 2 Thessalonians 1: 11, 12: “We constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” Will the purposes we strive to accomplish succeed? Will we be equal to the responsibilities we carry? Will we be faithful to the people we love? The God who is near to us is the God who gives us the strength we need and by whose power every good purpose of ours will be fulfilled! 2 Thessalonians 1 tells us that in all of this our job is to act in faith. Will we have the faith to act? We will once we rejoice in the truth that God is near. Once we are content to trust him for the outcomes; once we know we can lean on him for the strength; we can in faith and confidently take the next right step. God will do his part. We will do ours. Good outcomes will come to pass.

There is one final truth that completes the partnership we have with God. It is his job to guarantee the outcomes and give us the strength we need. Our job is to act in faith and do the next right thing. What happens, though, when we look at the next right thing we want to do, and we do not have what we need to take that step? Often there are resources we need, gaps we cannot bridge. We know that if we do not get help, these outcomes will not happen. The fear we face is the fear of being isolated and the haunting question comes will the person we need be there for us? Paul addresses this lack when in verse 19 he confidently declares:” And my God will meet all of your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus”. When we need him, in whatever way we need him he will be there for us. The God, who gives us the strength we lack, will is also be the God who supplies what we can’t. He is the God of the gaps. Psalm 34: 8-10 tells us: Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord will lack no good thing.
Our strength comes from his power. Our needs are met out of his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. He can meet whatever need we have, supply whatever we lack because he never runs out of glorious riches. Can the God who made the universe come up empty handed?

It all comes down to this. We can act in faith and take the right steps confident in good outcomes. We may have to acknowledge our fears, the anxiety we feel. Rather than giving in to the pressure to make it happen ourselves, we pray thankfully to the God who is near. We trust him to do his job; to guarantee good outcomes, to give us the strength we need, to meet the needs we can’t. Thankfully resting in who he is and what he promises he will take care of, we do our job. We focus on thinking rightly and activating our God-given values. We act obediently because we know the right thing to do. Jesus Christ overarching purpose was to come near to us, so that we can come near to him. So, rejoice in the Lord, always, again I will say it, rejoice. The Lord is near. His peace will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. The God of peace will be with us.

02/28/2018

A critical factor in how we respond to people and situations comes from how we see ourselves. Our owned identity often determines whether we respond to them positively or negatively. If, for instance, my identity is based on the affirmation from others, I relate in ways that garner affirmation. If my reaching out does not result in being affirmed, or negatively criticized or put down, I will react with resentment or anger. Our identity, therefore, sets up expectations that may or not by met.

The truth is that identity is received. From early on how we are related to shapes our self- identity. The source of our identity critically affects us positively or negatively. We all need that source to be accurate and encouraging. For me as a Christian, that source is best found in Jesus Christ. He accurately tells me that I am a lost sinner in need of a Savior. He encourages me by inviting me to give my life to him; sins forgiven, life made new with an identity given by him. As Colossians 3: 12 affirms, we are, "God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved" This is an identity that this troubled world cannot distort or diminish.

I can respond out of a loved by God identity in love and compassion no matter whether my expectations are met, or how unloving the other person is. This identity is securely placed inside my heart and I am internally empowered by the God who loves me and whose Holy Spirit lives and works in me.

01/10/2018

Research suggests that removing a negative pattern of relating positively impacts a relationship more than adding a positive. This is because a negative experience is seven to twenty times more powerful than a positive experience. Husbands, you can do ten right things all day, do one thing wrong, and you sleep with the dog. A lot of the relationship work we do helps people remove of never start negative patterns.

A WORD FROM THE LORD WHEN WE FEEL LIKE NOBODYSome years ago a Christian author talked about getting a word from the Lord...
11/24/2017

A WORD FROM THE LORD WHEN WE FEEL LIKE NOBODY

Some years ago a Christian author talked about getting a word from the Lord. He pointed out that there are occasions when we need a simple word from the Lord to help us at that moment. The Lord Jesus knows this and he will graciously give us just the word from him we need. I thought this was a neat idea. That night, therefore, as I was falling asleep, I prayed, “Lord, if you have a word for me, I would sure like to hear it. I was quiet just waiting to see what the Lord might say. After a few minutes a word came into my mind. That word was “nobody”. Crestfallen, I responded, “Lord, I know that word far too well. I have felt like nobody for most of my life. Lord? Do you have another word for me? Again, I waited in silence.

A few moments later the word, “apple of my eye” popped into my mind. That word I liked. As I reflected on these words, I came to see that the first word set up the second.

We live in a world that, in too many ways and too frequently, tells us we are nobody. We are not important. We do not count. We have little worth. It is hard not to believe those demeaning and defeating messages when we have heard them all of our lives. How amazing and wonderful it is to hear from the God of the universe that he sees us as the apple of his eye. To our Creator we are important. We count. We have eternal worth. Our God values each of us as a masterpiece of a divine Artist. If a Da Vinci painting can sell for four hundred and fifty million dollars, how much more valuable is each of us when our artist is God? Our Heavenly Father redeemed us at the price of his Son’s death. No higher price could ever be paid. That’s how much he loves us and wants us to enjoy a relationship with him. To the world we are nobody. To our God we are a highly desired treasure.

Malachi 3: 17 affirms, referring to us: “They shall be mine,” says the Lord of hosts, “in the day when I make up my treasured possession.” In Deuteronomy 32: 9, 10 God rescued Israel from Egypt: “But the Lord’s portion is his people, Jacob his allotted heritage. He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.” The word that God spoke to me is a word he used to describe his people in the Bible. All God did that night was to remind me of a biblical truth I should have known and needed to hear.

We can respond to the God who sees us as the apple of his eye as King David did in Psalm 17.
I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God
incline your ear to me; hear my words.
Wondrously show me your steadfast love,
O Savior of those who seek refuge.
Keep me as the apple of your eye;
Hide me in the shadow of your wings. [verses 6-8]
As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
when I awake I shall be satisfied with your likeness. [15]
As the apple of his eye, we know that, when we call upon our God, he hears and answers; when we need to feel his love, he wondrously pours his love into our lives; when we need help, our Savior becomes our refuge. And at the end of our lives on this earth, we will see him face to face and our Father will see that we look just like Jesus. This is the treasure we are and the treasure he gives us.

That night someone who knew all too well what it felt like to be nobody heard his loving Heavenly Father change his view of himself and in that new insight empowered him to live as he truly is, the apple of God’s eye.

If you found this post helpful, please like and share it. For more posts and articles like this, please visit our website: https://bcncccounseling.com.

11/09/2017

Essential Steps to Thrive in Our Marriages
A Biblical View of the Process of Becoming Married

We all want to thrive in our marriages. As God is the designer of marriage, the best way to develop a thriving marriage is to build it God’s way.

The foundational passage for the process of becoming married is Genesis 2. After God brings Eve to Adam, the process of becoming married is detailed in the verses that follow. There are three steps in arriving at the place where you function as a married couple. Walter Trobish, a Christian marriage counselor, described the process as:

1) LEAVING (a man shall leave his Father and mother);
2) CLEAVING (KJV language for being joined to his wife); and
3) WEAVING (Trobish’s word picture of the two becoming one flesh).

The wisdom of the text says that each subsequent step cannot be successfully done until the prior step has been successfully completed. In other words, you can’t WEAVE until you CLEAVE; And you can’t CLEAVE until you LEAVE.

Let me take a moment and describe all three steps.

LEAVING: This involves the work of putting to rest the past. It is the hard and sometimes painful work of identifying those people and events and patterns in your past, especially in our family of origin, that constitute unfinished business. Until identified, these factors still control our attitudes, thoughts, actions and choices in the present, and can mess up current relationships. Once identified, we can decide what we want to or need to do with them. Often it takes the insight and support of another person to help us work these through so they no longer damage our present.

The chosen actions to take might include:
• letting go of past hurts, forgiving past offenses and offenders (including most importantly ourselves),
• confronting people who contributed to a problem seeking resolution and release,
• recognizing patterns of behaviors that are unhelpful and establishing new patterns where, when we find ourselves beginning to act in an old way, we catch ourselves and consciously choose the new pattern.

We walk past old barriers on to the next right path we know we should take, even if it’s scary initially. Our goal is to bring no old baggage into the new relationship, to have no old ghosts haunting our present.

CLEAVING: Once freed up from the past, we can unhinderedly do the work of building the sturdy structure an intimate relationship requires. Cleaving is the hard work of building an unshakeable commitment:
• It involves making decisions and setting into place procedures that make for a well- functioning partnership.
• It asks questions regarding hopes, dreams and goals for life and seeing if and how they line up with the same aspirations of the other person.
• It asks all the values questions and looks for congruence between both parties.
• It makes the decision to give exclusive priority to the beloved.
• Finally, it expresses and lives out an only you – forever commitment.

We see the other person give themselves wholeheartedly and seriously to these tasks. This grows trust and the belief that the other person appropriately values us and the relationship, and will do whatever it takes for the relationship. At the heart of this is two persons who will give him or herself up for the other (Ephesians 5: 25-27).

This process takes on a “we and us” rather than an “I or me” perspective in dealing with life. When successfully done, cleaving creates high, strong walls around the garden of the relationship. To use another word picture, we create a structure sturdy enough to handle the powerful intimacies of a love relationship.

To use the word of Scott Stanley and Howard Markman of PREP, you create together a “safe” relationship. A safe relationship has three distinguishing safeties:
• The first is emotional safety. It is safe for us to share our deepest feelings and thoughts, and we will be heard and respected and validated, with appropriate actions taken on the needs and desires we express.
• The second is personal safety. Our partner will never, in any way, abuse us.
• The third is commitment safety. We are in this together for the long haul. We will work through problems until they are resolved. Leaving is never an option. This is the, “till death do us part,” commitment.

WEAVING: Once cleaving is accomplished, once the walls are up, the structure in place, the safeties assured, weaving can joyously and unreservedly happen. Weaving is the reason we get married.
• It is all the rich and varied intimacies that make a marriage a never ending delight.
• It is the deep knowing and being known.
• To go back to Genesis, it is being naked and unashamed. Weaving is a poetic image of a couple making love, their limbs entwined.
• It is becoming one flesh. It looks like two threads weaving one beautiful tapestry that is more that either partner can be by themselves.
• It is sharing the beauties and joys of life together. It is being best friends. It’s knowing that he still thinks I’m the most beautiful girl in the world on a bad hair day.

Weaving is very powerful, especially sexual intimacy. Such high octane fuel needs a container strong enough to handle the power. Cleaving builds that container. Being willing to share the deepest parts of us is scary. We will only do that when we are in a “safe” relationship. Like a flower in that garden, we will only dare to open our petals and blossom when we know there are strong walls around the garden of our marriage. Cleaving erects those unshakeable walls. Unfettered intimacy can only come once cleaving is done; the weaker the cleaving, the more unstable the weaving.

Anyone can work on leaving by themselves, before a relationship develops. If we are in a relationship and seem to be spinning your wheels or finding ourselves relating in unhealthy or unhelpful ways, there may be some leaving work that needs to be worked through. Seek whatever is helpful to put to rest the past.

As a relationship develops, assuming leaving has been accomplished by both parties, we begin to work on cleaving and weaving concurrently. The wisdom of the paradigm is that the weaving not get ahead of the cleaving. As commitments and the resulting trust and safety grow, so does the sharing of our hearts.

It requires real wisdom and discipline not to get ahead in the area of physical intimacies. Becoming too intimate too soon sends all kinds of mixed messages that confuse cleaving. A couple behaves as if the walls are in place, the forever commitments nailed down; when in fact they are not. On one level they are acting as if the safeties of the relationship are more than they really are. This increases insecurity and trust issues crop up.

This also works (or doesn’t work) regarding the depth of sharing both express. Deeper sharing of who you are and where you’ve come from, by design, deepens a relationship. This is usually a good thing. It becomes problematic when the safety nets are not yet constructed to handle the level of intimacy shared. So the wisdom is to let the level of cleaving reached set the bar for the level of weaving shared. It goes without saying that full sexual intimacy (and anything close to it) is only safe on the other side of a marriage ceremony.

As I have worked with young couples, the most prevalent problem I encounter is young people with leaving issues who naively rush to weaving, thinking that will fill the holes in their hearts. They are building a relationship house on the sand that will not withstand the storms of life (sometimes not even a stiff breeze). My counsel is to step back and start over. Do the work of leaving first and then enjoy the dance of weaving in tune with the current level of cleaving.

Patiently working this process step by step will move any couple to the place where they think, feel and act married. They are a well-functioning team that enjoys a championship season. The victory won is worth the careful effort expended and conscientious work accomplished.

If you found this post helpful, please like and share it. For more posts and articles like this, visit our website at https://bcncccounseling.com. Thanks and God bless.

Address

Pittsburgh, PA

Opening Hours

Monday 3pm - 8pm
Tuesday 3pm - 8pm
Wednesday 3pm - 8pm
Thursday 3pm - 8pm
Friday 3pm - 8pm

Telephone

+14122570520

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when G Brenton Mock posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Practice

Send a message to G Brenton Mock:

Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn
Share on Pinterest Share on Reddit Share via Email
Share on WhatsApp Share on Instagram Share on Telegram