AAT Certified Life Coach

AAT Certified Life Coach My name is Alexsandra Torres and I am a certified Cognitive Behavior Transformation Life Coach. I help those who feel stuck get unstuck in their lives.

I provide individual coping skills to help achieve a positive outcome in your life. Disclosure:
I am not a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. I am a certified cognitive-behavioral life coach who practices transformational skills that will allow you to move forward in your life. CB is a psycho-social intervention that aims to improve mental health. It challenges by changing cognitive distortions and behaviors.

07/11/2024

Marcus Aurelius Stoic Reflections 75: Power Over Perception

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."
— Marcus Aurelius

Marcus Aurelius teaches us that distress comes not from external events but from our perceptions of them. This reflection emphasizes the power of our minds to change our responses to external circumstances.

Reflect on situations that cause you distress. Consider how your perception and interpretation of these events contribute to your pain. Understand that by changing your perspective, you can reduce or eliminate your distress.

Practice mindfulness and cognitive reframing to alter your perception of distressing events. Remind yourself that you have the power to change your response by changing your interpretation. By embracing this principle, you align with the Stoic ideal of mental mastery and emotional resilience.

To dive deeper into Stoic philosophy, explore the "50 Stoic Rules" book at https://shop.thestoicknights.com/products/50-stoic-rules

07/01/2024

Lately, I have been posting a lot about self-love. What is your relationship with yourself, and how does that form a foundation for all your relationships with other people, places, and things.
This line of inquiry is endlessly regarding.
The deeper you go into your journey, the more you realize that much of what you think you are is an illusion.
Also, many of our lives are based on what others tell us.
You believe in so many lies and misconceptions.
About the world, about yourself.
That realization can be immensely liberating.
I am not a guru.
Every time I write, I encourage you to gently question your reality.
To find out who you really are.
When you talk about self-love, that question requires courage, Most of us are afraid of what we will see when we look at ourselves closely.
Fear and self-doubt are what make us resistant to new and unfamiliar ideas. It makes us addicted to being right.
You no longer need to be right when you are secure in your image of who you are, and what you are not, and in your values, purpose, and convictions.
Instead, you can relax into your own uncertainty. Being unsure is a good thing.
In many situations, "I don't know" is one of the most empowering things you can say.
If you are open to exploring, to questioning, and to facing yourself with courage...
You can learn to piece together all your "I don't know" into an authentic personal truth.
Until one day you can look at yourself in the mirror and say,
"I know I love you".
So the question I have for you today is this , do you want to always be right or do you want to be free?

Alexsandra LC Torres

07/01/2024

ately, I have been posting a lot about self-love. What is your relationship with yourself, and how does that form a foundation for all your relationships with other people, places, and things.
This line of inquiry is endlessly regarding.
The deeper you go into your journey, the more you realize that much of what you think you are is an illusion.
Also, many of our lives are based on what others tell us.
You believe in so many lies and misconceptions.
About the world, about yourself.
That realization can be immensely liberating.
I am not a guru.
Every time I write, I encourage you to gently question your reality.
To find out who you really are.
When you talk about self-love, that question requires courage, Most of us are afraid of what we will see when we look at ourselves closely.
Fear and self-doubt are what make us resistant to new and unfamiliar ideas. It makes us addicted to being right.
You no longer need to be right when you are secure in your image of who you are, and what you are not, and in your values, purpose, and convictions.
Instead, you can relax into your own uncertainty. Being unsure is a good thing.
In many situations, "I don't know" is one of the most empowering things you can say.
If you are open to exploring, questioning, and facing yourself with courage...
You can learn to piece together all your "I don't know" into an authentic personal truth.
Until one day you can look at yourself in the mirror and say,
"I know I love you".
So the question I have for you today is this, do you want to always be right or do you want to be free?

06/25/2024

When you are struggling with Life's ups and downs, I know the idea of self-love can be ridiculous.
So, today, as part of the Self-love topic, I want to share a personal story with you.
I am living proof that building a better relationship with yourself can transform your life in ways that can feel miraculous.
As a teenager and into my 20s, I developed the habit of always being in control. Control of everything around me. I would clean ob obsessively, manipulate people into doing what I wanted, and throw a fit if I did not get what I wanted.
The whole time I was living with intense anxiety and I was labeled as having OCD. I tried to hide it but it was not easy.
No surprise, my relationship was full of conflicts. I self-sabotaged in everything I did. I was physically unwell. I even lost a lot of weight when I looked anorexic. Every day I carried this feeling that I know now was shame.
For some reason, my mental health issues were taking over my life. I didn't feel like I deserved to take place in the world.
And the only way I felt valuable was to try and fix other people.
I found myself in codependent relationships with addicts, and narcissists. They were mostly alcoholics.
I would accept them, their flaws because I thought If I was important to them, they would change their habits. After a while, I started blaming myself and tying myself into knots to please them., because I was desperate for love.
It wasn't until one day in my early 40s that I found myself in a relationship with someone that I married who turned out to be a toxic alcoholic. I realized something had to change. I took the time to study and I became a certified Life Coach.
I tried to help him and encouraged him to go to AA. I covered up all the damage he was causing me.I didn't want others to see the turmoil I was living in.
And I completely lost myself.
I remember the shock when I realized I no longer knew who I was.
But I am forever grateful for that moment because it was the start of a new beginning. A new life.
Since then, I re-discovered my spirit. I reignited the flame in my belly and in my heart. I have gotten to know myself properly and become the strong woman I am today. It is not too late for any of you. It does not matter how old you are on. I have gotten to know myself properly.
It might sound silly, but I know what I like and don't like. I know when to say no. I am not a people pleaser anymore, and I know when to say yes and plunge in with both feet.
I know how to feel happy and fulfilled in my own company. How to met my own needs, and how to trust myself enough to feel safe.
In short, I know how to love myself.
In this new state of mind, I met someone special.
What is more, I've found a new direction at work. To pursue my dream. My world is full of opportunity, and I know I can navigate life, even when I feel afraid.
I finally have what I always wanted. It had to come within.
If you ever experienced the pain of codependent relationships, if your friendships and working life are full of conflict, if you carry a feeling of unformed shame about who you are and what you are...
I can't recommend enough to learn how to love yourself and everything will fall into place.
take this small step. I promise you, you re worth it.

If you are ready to talk about self-love IM me. Let's talk.
Alexsandra LC Torres

06/19/2024

I hope some of my posts inspire some of you.

Good Morning everyone, some thoughts came to my mind this morning and I would like to share them.
The journey to self-love can be a tough one. It's littered with self-doubt, criticism, and comparison.
Have you reached a point in your life where you truly love and appreciate yourself? If you have, give yourself a big pat on the back. You deserve it. It is a sign of emotional maturity and inner strength and it's definitely worth celebrating.
I have also learned to let go. One of my biggest life lessons is that sometimes you have to let go to be able to move forward.
A few years back I was unhappily married. It drained me emotionally, mentally, and physically. I was miserable, but I held on for five years because I was afraid of the change and uncertainty that came with it.
After many sleepless nights, I decided to let go. I was scared, but it was my best decision ever. This is about letting go of past mistakes. It is about releasing toxic thoughts and moving forward from failures. It is also about understanding that you don't have control of everything, and that is okay. It is about moving forward.
Another thing I have found critical is having long-term friendships. I need to say thank you to my bestie Nina Robinson for being there for the good, the bad, and the ugly. Of course my brother and sister, Minery Ruiz and Jaime Ruiz. They were my rock when I needed them the most. They never abandoned me or walked away when my life was in turmoil. To tell you the truth meaning full friendships are hard to find nowadays. It has become somewhat of a rarity.
I have also overcome fear. Fear can be a crippling emotion, often preventing us from stepping out of our comfort zone and pursuing a dream. During Covid, I decided to open up my life coaching business. At first, I doubted myself because I let fear overwhelm me. I decided to get past that, it was my choice to leave fear behind and I studied from 8:00 am till 10:30 pm for three years. Due to my tenacity, I was able to become certified in Cognitive Behavior, Emotional Intelligence, Neuro-linguistics, and my master's in Life Coaching.
Overcoming does not mean that you no longer feel scared. It is about choosing to move forward. It takes a lot of courage to look fear in the eye and keep moving forward.
I Learned to embrace failure. There was a time in my life when failure felt like the end of the world for me. I used to see it as a sign of incompetence rather than a step towards growth. Over time, I learned to embrace failure and my mistakes as a stepping stone for growth. It is not easy to look at your shortcomings and failures positively, but doing so is a sign of incredible resilience and strength.
In time I have also learned to set boundaries. It is an essential part of painting our mental and emotional health. It is about defining what is acceptable to you and what is not. This applies to your relationships with family, friends, co-workers, etc.
Pursuing my passions has not been easy but I have accomplished good things in my life. Choosing to follow my passion, taking risks, and challenging my path have led me to open new doors. There is something incredibly fulfilling about doing the things you love. It gives purpose to life. It fuels your creativity and brings a sense of joy no matter the amount of money or fame you have.
Final thought. Life is not about monumental achievements, it is also about the small victories, the personal growth, and the quiet moments of reflection. Whether it's learning to love yourself, reaching out to long-lost relationships, or pursuing your dreams against all odds. All of this has contributed to my happiness and made my life worth living.

Alexsandra LC Torres

06/18/2024

Dear Friends,
I was thinking of this last night.

It does not matter who you are or how much motivation you have, the struggle is the same.

The hardest things to do are the things where your natural response is to do the exact opposite.

Here is what I mean ...
If you want to eat healthy, but all your brain does is pull you to junk food. It is going to be hard to stay healthy.

You want one thing, but all your brain does it seems to have another agenda.

This can create "difficulty" and "struggle" because you have to fight "against" your brain.

Not just once, but all the time.

Which makes simple decisions feel like monumental tasks.

This normally applies to ANYTHING in life.

Whether you want to stay positive, or practice patience, the natural reaction is to spend, be negative, or react. Be proactive, not reactive.

So it does not matter how easy something is or should be. It is your natural response, the harder it will be to do.

This can shed light on why it's tough to line up your actions with your intentions.

It is not because you are lazy, undisciplined, or doing something wrong.

It is simply because you have to fight against your brain

instead of fighting your response, it helps to release the response itself.

When you can do that, you can transform your way of thinking. Then everything you put your mind to will come naturally and easily.

Alexsandra LC Torres

06/12/2024

Hello Everyone,

Everybody is looking for the perfect relationship with someone else.

But we usually have a horrible relationship with ourselves.

Curiously, we don’t talk so much about this in our culture.

Because it’s impossible to live a healthy relationship with anyone else if we are completely messed up inside.

I hear so many of you tell me that you have no self-confidence. That you struggle to see why you are important. And even that you hate yourself.

The endless self-criticism we subject ourselves to is insane.

We build ourselves up with this idealized image of how we “should” be, only to tear ourselves down when we fall short of it.

We look outside ourselves for validation. And when it doesn’t come, we reject, shame, and abandon ourselves.

We echo the voices of everyone who has ever judged us or made us feel small, internalizing their words, and picking ourselves apart in a way we would never do to anyone else.

We react to our partners. We expect them to be perfect and take it personally when they are not.

And all this chaos comes from the way we feel about ourselves.

If you are interested, I will guide you through a step-by-step process that will begin to shift your relationship with yourself, developing self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-confidence.

And empowering you to live a joyful and fulfilling relationship with your partner.

Ask yourself, are you ready for the transformation?

Alexsandra LC Torres

06/12/2024

I post a lot about self-love. It has not been easy to adapt to this behavior. It takes practice and the will to change your mindset.
For years I struggled with Self-love. This affects your confidence and your self-esteem.
I have experienced these lows in the past. This is why I want to share my thoughts with you because for some people this might help.
Your relationship with others directly reflects your relationship with yourself.
This means that, if you want to experience intimacy, fulfillment, and happiness, you need to self-love.
It's easy to say, "Love yourself first and everything else falls into place".
As I said earlier, it is not that easy to put into practice.
Doing the Self-love challenge has been a life-changing experience. I needed to heal and grow. I feel more connected to myself and others and my life has never been better.
If you are interested in learning more about how you can transform your life, IM me. As a professional Life Coach, I can help you dig deeper understand yourself more, and unblock the path that is stopping you from fulfilling your life's goals.

Alexsandra LC Torres

05/29/2024

Self-respect:
You cannot expect to be respected if you do not respect your whole self.
We are programmed to seek validation from others.
When we feel lost, angry, or alone, we look around for someone else to blame.
To get our needs met, we manipulate, manage, and manifest.
When others don't behave as we want, we take hurt and resentment. Never considering that we are looking for answers in the wrong place.
Spend time alone and you will notice.
Your own behavior towards yourself is not always pleasant. Your inner critic is not always kind or fair. You sometimes make decisions for the wrong reasons, acting against your own needs. I know I have gone through this, I married the wrong person.
The kind of relationships you manifest in your life are an exact externalization of your relationship with yourself. For example, having toxic people in your life.
So, you must learn to trust yourself, to be loving, supportive, and respectful towards yourself.
You will open yourself to be loved.
Self-love is not easy. It is not a one-time event.
You don't need to force yourself to love yourself.
Bring yourself to the center of your life.
You will begin to shift something inside of your consciousness.
pay attention to how you speak to yourself. How you behave towards yourself. How you think about yourself.
Then, put yourself in front of the person you love.
You will begin to dissolve the need you feel within.

Alexsandra LC Torres

05/25/2024

Don't get caught up in the small stuff. Especially on things like what you wish you had vs appreciating what you have.

Life is short. It is great to set yourself long-term goals and short-term goals. This gives you a purpose, but don't spend every waking hour thinking about what you wish you had. Look around you, thank the heavens that you can breathe and that you have control of your life, your destiny.
Make it HAPPEN.
Always remember where you came from. Forgive your past but don't forget it. They are learning lessons. Don't live in the past.
Don't repeat your mistakes.

You are the author of your own book.

Alexsandra LC Torres

05/20/2024

I am hearing this over and over again as I get new clients. I thought I would share it with you.
Many of my clients have paid A LOT OF Money to other coaches and mentors.
Unfortunately, they did not receive the help or the results that were promised.
I finally realized it that it was not the coaches and mentors they hired for help.
The reason is these clients have the attitude that they can not do it themselves without the help of others.
I told them, they need to stop relying on others to fix their problems.
No one will be more vested in your success than you.
It does not matter how much you pay someone, and be careful with false promises.
Think of fitness advice.
You can hire the best fitness trainer, but if you don't put in the work yourself, you will never see results.

It is the same with everything else.
This does not mean you can't hire coaches, or mentors or take advice from others.
What it means is you do NOT rely on them for results.
You have to be in control, in the driver's seat.
Sure, you may get directions along the way, but ULTIMATELY you are responsible for pressing the gas and steering in what direction you want to go.

Alexsandra LC Torres

05/20/2024

Society conditions us to feel guilt and shame.
From almost the start of our lives, we are taught we must behave in a certain way to win the acceptance and approval of others.
Doing the right thing equals praise and affirmation.
Do the wrong thing and that equals punishment and rejection.
But as a child how do you know what is "right" or "wrong"?
How can you regulate yourself in the face of unspoken rules?
And who is making these rules anyway?
Sometimes, when our needs and feelings are denied, the wounds settle in our subconscious and we learn on some level that we are not ok.
We shrank and softened our sharp corners to avoid being hurt. And it became painful even to take up space in the world.
As adults, we tell ourselves things like:
"It's my fault this happened. I make bad decisions".
"My emotions hurt other people".
"I don't believe in myself".
We carry this shame through life.
And we spend so much time trying to suppress it, to hide it from others.
Some anesthetize it with drugs, alcohol, overworking, s*x ... turning our rage on ourselves for existing.
BUT HERE IS THE TRUTH.
The inner core of yourself where you'll find peace and fulfillment isn't free from shame, anger, fear, or any of those emotions you run from.
When you stop and become conscious, grounded in your body, present with your emotions, and in touch with your instinct, YOU are the creative power of life, giving birth to endless possibilities.
You are not SHAME.
You are not your EMOTIONS.
Strip off all of your masks and you can reach this inner dimension to experience the mystery and drink from the primal source of your being.
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
Instead of turning shame, guilt, and regret towards yourself, you will discover a formula to transform them into constructive power.
Yes, Yes, you can do it.
Believe in yourself. It is the greatest asset you have.

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