
12/30/2023
This is how much grace I live under…
Yesterday it around 4pm and I had just had my last client. I put her money in my wallet and went around to the back to get Henry for his afternoon walk. Usually his afternoon walk is shorter than his morning walk but it’s still about a 2 mile walk. So we’re gone for a half an hour or so from the house.
I live in Pomona and I live off a major street in Pomona. Even though we live in a very nice section of the city, we have our “characters.” Because I have the goal of peace, I try to see these characters as just people who are going through challenges just as we all are. Some of those challenges might include homelessness or mental/behavioral issues…some are going through substance addiction or abuse of some kind or another. Notice how I said at the outset that I have a goal of peace - I don’t always make that goal. In fact, I have yet to experience a day in the almost 59 years that I’ve been trudging around this planet that has been completely peaceful.
To me, being at peace is not the absence of things stressful or unpleasant- but it is the absence of inner chatter about those things that appear as stressful or unpleasant. It is about letting go of what I think needs to be so in order to experience peace and like I said, I have yet to have one full day in 59 years where I didn’t have at least one grievance about some kind of “bulls**t.”
I recently learned that a beautiful friend I had for many years passed away nine days before Christmas. Her husband found my phone number and called me to let me know. She was from Austria and I loved her thick Austrian accent. She was funny and playful and liked to play tricks. The last five years of her life were of her body totally betraying her and yet she remained optimistic and cheerful. To some, this would just seem like a brave act because the inevitable would be too tough to deal with, but with Ingrid, she understood the inevitable and she laughed with it - never at it but with it - she didn’t play at being brave; she just was.
I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would and I didn’t go down the path of regret and remorse that I tend to go down when someone I deeply love passes - oh, I should’ve called more…I should’ve let them know how much I loved them more…we should’ve had that lunch we always talked about…
Y’know. Bu****it.
And Ingrid would’ve said that, too. Instead of sobbing, I sat quietly and remembered a few inner “frames” of her and I and I imagined those times that came to be in as brightly as I could. I turned the “volume” up and I felt love and light oozing from the memory and I felt it all as Real in the only moment I ever have; the Eternal Now and it was Real and is Real and will forever be Real because Ingrid and I are Real…you are Real…we all are Real and by Real I do not mean this fleeting physical reality…I mean, that ‘Let there be Light’ Reality where there are no breaks, cracks, or divides…
Sit with that and let your mind implode.
Henry and I finished our walk. I looked at him and I smiled. He’s turning out to be such a lovely boy. He was difficult to train and he still can be quite unruly and when he stands up, he’s 5’7”, 100 pounds of pure intimidating muscle but I ground myself and never waiver in my knowing that for now we are meant to be in each others life and that’s okay.
I go in the kitchen and Tracy hears a thud at the front door. She opens it up and comes in the kitchen and hands me something; my wallet. I didn’t even know it was missing. There was $200 in it. There were credit cards and gift cards and private information in that wallet.
And it was all there.
It was all magnificently and beautifully there with nothing missing. Tracy checked the doorbell cam tape and whoever found it made sure they remained out of view.
Lots of characters go by our house every day and one of them did the very right thing and returned my wallet to me and just like stories can be used to take away peace, stories can be used to promote peace.
I live under enormous grace and I live under it with you.
Let’s be even more Real in 2024.
Happy New You.
Peace,
John