Kristi Vega, Family Therapist

04/22/2026

Self-Care is not the same thing as pampering.

Self-Care may not even feel relaxing, or enjoyable, or like a treat.

Self-Care is taking basic care of yourself.

And Caregivers sometimes forget that. Because they are busy taking care of others by cooking for them, doing their laundry, helping with their healthcare, talking through their problems, making sure they have what they need for each day.

Have you cooked for your own nutritional needs lately? Have you done your own laundry and put it away for easy dressing? Made your doctors appointments? Exercised? Showered? Tidied your living space? Brushed and flossed? Gone to bed on time? Talked through your worries with a trusted listener?

Self-Care begins with the basics, and it might not feel relaxing and pampering, but you deserve and need all those things, in order to stay healthy and keep thriving and caring for others.

So Caregivers, take care of yourselves.

04/08/2026

One of the most threatening feelings is when someone is MAD at us.

It can send us into a tailspin.

It sets off anxiety attacks and conflicts.

It often triggers one of the big 4 threat responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn.

Fighting can be literal violence, like hitting or shoving, but as we grow up it most often takes the form of blaming, accusing, yelling, insulting, mocking, swearing, and rejecting. To fight a perceived threat.

Flight means running away, deleting and blocking the chat, quitting the group, going home, leaving home, or removing yourself from the scene.

Freezing is going silent. Your mind might go blank, you can't think of words or a response, and you just hope the attention shifts off of you.

I've met many kids who freeze when scolded, when flooded with emotion, and then they get in trouble for not answering an angry adult who is yelling and threatening and demanding an answer.

Fawning sounds like "Oh, It's okay, whatever you want!" It sounds like soothing and sympathizing and even apologizing to calm someone's anger.

Many children with a threatening tempermental parent instinctively fawn to return to safety.

These patterns are not learned responses, they are the instinctive reflexes all mammals respond with.

When we work on noticing our threat triggers, we can get better at practicing better learned responses.

And maybe we don't have to be afraid of someone being mad.

Maybe we can learn to be okay with the truth that none of us are perfect, sometimes we all feel hurt or mad or offended, and its okay and SAFE to talk about it, respectfully.

03/14/2026

Have you ever heard of the Gallup-Purdue Index on college success? It is research that found the six biggest factors that lead to satisfaction and success after college. It's not elite status, cost of attendance, or competitive admissions. It's these Big Six experiences. (Link in the comments.)

02/24/2026

Haha! But also, true!

02/10/2026

As a therapist, I've helped many grown kids of addicts learn to set boundaries.

And "boundaries" doesn't mean cutting off, or going "no contact." It means communicating on your terms.

It requires making peace with accepting only what they are able to give, while setting boundaries on timing and visits and conversations.

It might sound like "Look, I'm tired of trying to reach you, feel free to call me when you want to."

Or it may sound like, "I'll have lunch with you, but I won't discuss my life choices, if you start criticizing me I will say goodbye and we'll have to try again another time."

It can get rocky when you start setting new boundaries, but it will change the relationship eventually.

In some families, no one sets boundaries until they are really, really mad. But you CAN set a boundary calmly and lovingly.

If that hasnt been modeled for you in a respectful and safe way, that's a GREAT goal to work on with a Family Therapist.

02/08/2026

When you're watching the Superbowl with your kids tomorrow, check in with them about all those Gambling ads. Online betting is a growing crisis among teen boys.

We want you to know that gambling behavior comes in many different forms. Many parents don't realize that in-game purchases, fantasy sports leagues, and March Madness brackets can introduce gambling concepts at an early age. Learn the mechanics of the games your kid plays.

If a game offers loot boxes or randomized rewards for real money, talk about how chance-based spending works. Ask your kid to explain how they spend money in games or with friends, and listen for patterns: Are they chasing rare items? Betting with peers? Spending more than planned?

02/03/2026

Rest and Boundaries aren't avoidance--they're sustainability.

Noticing your energy feels low lately?

Your body’s “low battery mode” is a reminder to pause, unplug, and care for yourself.

Rest and boundaries aren’t avoidance — they’re sustainability.

01/29/2026

""Shall I make a cup of tea? It's what my mum does whenever someone's upset." -- Ron Weasley

"Social protocol states when a friend is upset, you offer them a hot beverage." -- Sheldon Cooper

"Here we only have one rule, Never ever let it cool." -- Conductor of the Polar Express.

May you all enjoy a hot beverage on a cold day, preferably in a favorite mug you can wrap your hands around, and with a friend or coworker you enjoy talking to.

There are very real benefits to a hot beverage, not just on a cold day but any day. Not only will it warm your body, it can also boost circulation and digestion and reduce congestion.

The temperature, smell, and taste of a hot beverage tunes into your senses, promoting focus and mindfulness.

Offering or accepting a hot beverage is often an opportunity to connect with someone, and that's valuable both in hard times and also on a cold day.

01/28/2026

Perfectionism is not a positive trait.

Success and achievement come from traits like perseverance and diligence. And from good habits like planning ahead and organization.

Perfectionism is not about valuing High Standards. It's about rejecting anything less than perfect. It links self-worth to an unattainable standard of Perfect.

Do you focus only on your flaws, and dismiss your achievements?

Do you think only of your goals, never about your improvement?

Do you avoid activities where you are likely to struggle or feel less than perfect?

Perfectionism is highly linked to anxiety, depression, and compulsion. And low self-confidence.

And when we turn it outward, to our children and our partners, it will erode our relationships. And possibly teach our kids to stay anxious.

Examine your beliefs around perfectionism and "good enough." What is scary or worrisome about being less than perfect?

Take some risks and see what happens when you are efficient. Prioritize some standards, and let some others go.

If you look up perfection in a dictionary, you will see it's not defined by values. It's defined by rejection.

It's often said that perfect is the enemy of good.

Keep in mind, Perfection is also the enemy of Happy.

01/08/2026

Do you think about making goals, but then worry that you won't have the Willpower to see it through?

Repetition will build routine. Routine builds habits. Habits reduce your need for Willpower.

Without routines, we exhaust and use up our Willpower quickly.

What tasks can you make a routine, instead of using Willpower?

A wake-up routine.
An exercise routine.
A school routine.
A dinner routine.
A bedtime routine.

Repetition pays off when you no longer burn through all your Willpower just to get through the day.

12/16/2025

Friendly family therapist here, with a reminder that a good boundary in a relationship is more like a door than a wall.

Boundaries are not for going "no contact." They are for setting terms of a relationship.

A boundary is saying, "Please knock and wait for me to open the door."

A boundary is choosing to meet only in a restaurant but not in your homes.

A boundary is explaining you will visit for 2 hours and then you must leave.

A boundary is saying no talking about my parent who is your ex.

A boundary is saying good night and making your departure if you have a "no politics" policy.

Boundaries are rules you set for YOURSELF to follow, that keep your relationships respectful to your own values.

11/24/2025

Do you play cards with your kids?

Which card games did you learn as a kid?

Did your family have a card game the relatives would play at every holiday gathering?

Playing games together reduces anxiety and depression.

And also . . . Almost every goal parents come to me with for their child can be helped by playing games around a table with family.

♣️ Impulse Control
♥️ Cooperation
♠️ Social Confidence
♦️ Patience
♣️ Resilience
♥️ Honesty
♠️ Conversation skills
♦️ Respect

Also, playing games with your kids tells them you enjoy having fun with them. This holiday week, play a game together!