01/29/2025
"How are you doing?"
That is a question all of us ask (a lot)... especially when someone is struggling.
When someone is grieving we ask that.
When someone is caring for someone they love who is ill or dying, we ask that.
When someone is hurting, we ask that.
When someone has experienced anything that might cause pain or tears, we ask that.
I asked that once, to a wife who responded, "how do you think I am doing, my husband is dying." And that was the last time I asked that. I have since tried to find other things to say, avoiding that particular question.
I have learned, especially recently, that some people do want you to ask if they are okay. I can speak from experience, that when you are sitting at the bedside of someone you love who is dying, you want someone to ask if you are okay. Your honest answer would probably be, “I am not okay,” but you will usually say, “I am okay,” and inside you are whispering, “thank you for asking.”
I will often send a text message saying something like:
“I am thinking about you.”
“I am here if you need me.”
“Do you want to talk?”
“Do you want company?”
“If you need to cry, or scream, or vent…I’ve got you!”
It is definitely all about your presentation and timing. Be prepared for them to tell you they are fine and they don’t need anything, because that is a whole lot easier than telling you the truth.
Your heart is in the right place... you ask because you care... they know that. Whatever you do, please do not stop checking in… they probably aren’t “okay,” and they might not accept your extended hand right away, but knowing it is there, is comforting.
xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net
