Charles Mott LMSW

01/12/2024

Something I've learned over the years which pretty much holds true for every issue, is looking at probemw and being overwhelmed by it because "it's a problem" does nothing to solve the problem. Calling it a challenge though, puts you in a mindset of finding a solution.

'Awfulizing" about a problem may light a fire under you to get moving on something, but being stuck on the hamster of "this is awful, look how awful this is" puts you in the mindset of what CBT therapists call "fortune telling" , looking into the future and predicting the worst possible outcome.

Asking yourself "what is the next stepo and what is the next step after that" lowers your anxiety because it sets you on a problem solving path. People have asked me "Aren't you worried" abut something and are surpriased when , often I will tell them no, I don't put myself tin the position of worrying, because A. I don't have a crystal ball B. if I do worry I am living into the future instead of the now, which means focusing on what can I do now in this moment.

This is part of living with mindfulness, keeping yourself in the present. Worrying is about the future and hasn't happened yet. This is I believe unique to us as himan beings or, as George Carlin (I think he was the guy) said peol e are the only creatures who can look at the outcome of something thwt hasn't happened yet so we can feel bad about it in advance. Worry only serves you to the point where is is a motivator, but jut as often as not, or more so, ruminating and worrying leaves you anxious and depressed.

Anyway, a different kind of rant from me then people are used to seeing fro me. It'nice out, get out and get some fresh air and look at your day with a new perspective. Rant over.

12/29/2023

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4pP6HyXRMI

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08/10/2023

https://youtu.be/0E2YncA4UME

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08/08/2023

05/20/2023

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06/03/2022

Anger is A River

04/06/2022

What I believe wholeheartedly is that reframing problems as goals will vet you looking towards a solutions. When you work towards solutions instead of feeling like victim and focusing on your problem, you now look for solutions, and what you look for, you will find , as long as you ware willing to put in the work. If someone bemoans the fact that they dropped out of high school, instead of being emotionally distraught by it, ask yourself, how do I get a GED. Who do I call? Where do I go to achieve it. You are now a goal driven active participant in the outcome. I like the SMART tools paradigm. CLick on the link for more info on it. And take small steps.

Set SMART goals to clarify your ideas, focus your efforts, use your time and resources productively, and achieve what you want at work and in life.

11/23/2021

I wanted to share a couple of extremely helpful resources for folks for persons with TBI, and for their family members. Both sites offer tons of tips and information on living with TBI, and BIANYS also has several local chapters to help support persons living wi traumatic brain injury.

https://bianys.org/

Another helpful resource would be Brainlline.org, which offers lots of educational videos. Also, keep in mind that both BIANYS and Brainline.org have youtube channels you can subscribe to. Here is a link to Brainline.org

https://www.brainline.org/

Information and resources about treating and living with traumatic brain injury (TBI) and PTSD: research-based articles, videos, personal stories, expert Q&A, research updates and more for people living with brain injury, caregivers, family, friends and professionals.

11/23/2021

For people who are caring for, or people who are learning to cope with a brain injury, several things that we used to take for granted and be able to do become a struggle. One of the most all encompassing is it's effect on short term memory - we often don't think about how much we rely one short term memory, i.e. being able to follow a TV show when you can't follow the plot because you can' recall what may have happened two minutes ago, following a recipe. We often need to make use of a calendar, to do lists,add notes in our phone, to the extent where we didn't have to before. We all need to make use of calendars and reminders sometimes. But folks with a TBI need to do it more often then most. If you need to remember something , write it down and put it where you can access it. Reminders taped ton your refrigerator; sticky notes; calendars all become an important lifeline. Especially with a TBI, the old adage " If you didn't write it down, it doesn't exist"
If you or someone you know are looking for counseling , and tips on learning to live with a TBI, feel free to reach out to me, you can message me here, or you can check out my Psychology Today page. I would look forward to help, counseling and coaching you through this new journey in your life, and look forward to sharing the knowledge I have accrued over several years of working to with people with Traumatic Brain Injury.

11/05/2021

How much of what we think , or do, is a personal choice? Back some time ago, the thought that I was personally responsible for being the captain of my own life and realized I had choices, did my life change for the better. Realizing that no one is making you stay in an abusive relationship, a dead end job, or making you feel a certain way (angry, depressed), first and foremost, then the longer that you stay in that frame of mind, you have handed them your power. Ask yourself: am I truly powerless in this situation? Where can I choose differently? If I can't leave the situation immediately, can I choose to look at it differently, empower myself to say, I always have choices although they may be difficult. Did you choose to get hit ? Probably not. But are you choosing to stay? While you may not always have choices right in the moment, once you realize, just because I was victimized does not subject you to being a permanent victim, and when you take steps to change your situation, that can be extremely empowering and set into motion changes that are life changing, usually, and sometimes i the long run, your satisfaction with your life, and with yourself, will grow leaps and bounds.

02/08/2021

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mIDAoJHqgw&t=6s

Obvious but the moral of the story is sometimes it is better to just listen and validate. Funny.

01/28/2021

I was watching a video with Lane Pederson discussing Dialectic Behavior Therapy and he was talking about a time early in his career where he was called to fill in for a cancellation and give a talk on DBT. When he showed up he discovered that he was taking the place of a renowned expert and started to feel panicky . It wasn't until he embraced his anxiety as a friend and said to it" Thanks for showing up, now let's go out there and do this". He likely did some things to help cool his anxiety without pushing it away. He accepted it as being there and used some coping skills to get through the worst of it.

This made me think of my experiences as a musician. After 30 plus years of performing, I still have moments of anxiety before I play. Usually I embrace them, because it is on those nights where I feel the most alert and on my toes and I have what I consider a good to great night. Other nights it may get in the way. Point is, I think often times we try to shove anxiety out of the way, and when that happens, paradoxically, we make it worse. However if we accept that it is there, and use our tools as needed without trying to eliminate it, we feel empowered. Panic may not be useful; but otherwise in general, anxiety is your friend, and is normal, even if you feel like it is only normal for you. Feel it, welcome it when it shows up, use your tools to cope with without any expectation of it going away. If you are panicking, it is ok to realize you aren't dieing and still acknowledging that it may feel as if you are. Breath. As cliche as it sounds, visualize your happy place. You've got this.