Better Relationship Counseling

Couples Counseling and S*x Therapy in Rochester NY. Online Therapy in the state of New York.

Operating as usual

I’m a 37-Year-Old Mom & I Spent Seven Days Online as an 11-Year-Old Girl. Here’s What I Learned. 01/02/2020

I’m a 37-Year-Old Mom & I Spent Seven Days Online as an 11-Year-Old Girl. Here’s What I Learned.

Kids as young as 8 or 9 years old have cell phones. We try to teach them about stranger danger but we have minimal control over who they talk to or what happens to them online.

This article is sickening but it only confirms how young kids are exposed to s*xual predators. Talk to your kids about healthy and unhealthy s*xual behaviors and dangers and don't wait for them to receive their "s*x education" from school.

I’m a 37-Year-Old Mom & I Spent Seven Days Online as an 11-Year-Old Girl. Here’s What I Learned. Note: This piece contains s*xual content and descriptions of child s*x abuse that could be disturbing to some readers. The messages…

When Three Threatens Two 06/07/2019

When Three Threatens Two

I often see couples that need help to reconnect in the bedroom after the kids come. Esther gives a vignette that describes so well what is happening!

When Three Threatens Two By Esther Perel - S*x makes babies. So it is ironic that the child, the embodiment of the couple's love, so often threatens the very romance that brought that child into being. But the brave and determined couple who maintains an erotic connection is, above all, the couple who values it. They know t...


Want to have better s*x? Get the 5 points that will help get you there! In the comments.

The #1 Lie About Getting Laid | Goop 01/19/2019

The #1 Lie About Getting Laid | Goop

Becoming Cliterate: The #1 Lie about Getting Laid.
95% of women do not or**sm from in*******se alone.

"The overwhelming majority of men want to please their partners, but don’t know how. They are subject to the same cultural myths and misinformation as women are. Getting to know how a woman's body works s*xually will benefit both partners. It can take the performance pressure off of men to thrust hard and last long—which isn’t actually the most reliable way to or**sm for most women—and instead to immerse in their own pleasurable, erotic, or**smic sensations"

The #1 Lie About Getting Laid | Goop We’re big proponents of or**sm equality, the topic of a brilliant new book from s*x therapist/psychology professor Laurie Mintz, Ph.D.


What a fantastic summary of the work I do with couples! Read the three mistakes all of us do in our intimate relationships and how to shift your mindset to have a successful and fulfilling partnership 🤩

"Blocks arise so that you can push through them and create a stronger relationship both to yourself and your partner. The problem is that if you believe that relationships are supposed to be effortless, you'll run at the first sign of challenge, which usually arises when the infatuation stage wears off (as it always will). The flaw in this thinking is failing to realize that there's a purpose to the challenge; it's how you grow. You can keep running from the challenges, but you'll be running for the rest of your life"



S*xual pain can be confusing and shameful. Women are often told that it's in their heads and decide to abstain from having s*x or quietly suffer. S*x shouldn't hurt. Talking about women's s*xual health and pleasure can bring relief, break down myths that lead to false information and find the appropriate help and treatment when needed.


Huffpost?!?! I am impressed! This article actually offers some accurate and practical information about what can get in the way of people enjoying their s*xual experiences and finally "seeing fireworks". Check it out and let me know if you have any questions!

Reclaiming Female S*xual Desire | Pam Costa | TEDxPaloAlto 11/26/2018

Reclaiming Female S*xual Desire | Pam Costa | TEDxPaloAlto

So many of us struggle with issues of s*xual desire and what we don't know is that female s*xuality is complex and multifaceted. It fluctuates. And all that is healthy and normal! This TED talk is 13 minutes and 30 seconds long but it's worth it!

Reclaiming Female S*xual Desire | Pam Costa | TEDxPaloAlto After a decade-and-a-half at Apple and Facebook, Pam left her career in high tech to found Down To There to share her real-life stories of challenges and suc...


Most women have been given advice like this in order to avoid becoming victims of s*xual assault. This is how we raise our girls. Daily. We teach them ways to avoid "provoking" and ways to "protect" themselves. I copied this from a friend not to placate men but because I thought it really showed how putting the blame on the victim is not OK. What do you think??

Copied from a friend:

Several people have expressed concern that men might be falsely accused of r**e, s*xual assault, s*xual harassment or s*xual misconduct going forward. Sharing these tips to keep yourself safe:

1. Don’t put yourself in compromising situations.

2. Stay alert and aware at all times. If you are at a party with a woman who you think will falsely accuse you of s*xual assault, limit your alcohol consumption. She is free to drink, but your impaired judgment is not an excuse for her false accusations.

3. If you walk or jog for exercise, try to vary your route and time on the street. To be predictable is risky. Don’t give women the opportunity to falsely accuse you by having an exercise routine.

4. Keep your body covered. If you expose certain areas of your body she may get the impression you are interested in s*x with her. Don’t give her that impression by revealing more of your skin than necessary. Modesty is the best policy.

5. Think before you talk. Flirting with a woman is fine but be careful not to give her the impression you’re interested in s*x. Chaste words will help you maintain your virtue and good name.

6. Don’t make yourself an easy target. Hold your head up, walk confidently, directly and at a steady pace away from the woman you think may falsely accuse you of s*xual misconduct. Don’t forget, you’re a strong capable man too.

7. Attract attention to yourself if you feel like you might be falsely accused of s*xual misconduct. Make noise, call 911, use a whistle in hopes that some one will come to your aid as a witness. You can get “Falsely Accused of Rape” whistles at your local shelter.

8. If you are being followed, head for a well-lit area where you think there will be other people who may be able to help you. Well-lit areas could be the difference between a please evening stroll or a night that will forever change your life.

9. It’s probably best to stay home after dark. If you’re worried that while you’re walking home at night you might encounter a woman who may falsely accuse you of s*xual assault, it’s best to avoid that situation completely. Consider a self-imposed curfew.

10. If you do have to be out after dark. Stay away from suspect women. Keep your guard up and keep your distance. Remember to bring your “Falsely Accused of Rape” whistle at all times.

11. Trust your “gut instincts.” Even if you get the feeling a woman is about to falsely accuse you of r**e leave her alone immediately.

12. Always make sure you lock your car doors, whether or not you are in the car. Always check the floor and rear seat for suspect women before getting into your car.

13. If you suspect that you are being followed by a woman while diving, keep on going—do not stop and pullover until you get to some place that is well-lit and where there are other people to assist you and attest to your innocence.

14. If your car should break down, raise the hood and remain in the car with the doors locked until the police arrive. Don't stand outside your car. This may give women the impression your helpless circumstance means you want to have s*x with them. If a woman should stop and offer to assist you, roll down the window just enough to tell them you called the police.

15. Stay safe at home. Be sure you know whom you are opening your door to. If a sales or repair woman is legitimate, they will not mind your asking to see her identification and confirming their identity with the company they represent. If you still feel uncomfortable, schedule all appointments at a time when your wife can be home to help you.

16. For men who live by themselves in a house or apartment, never advertise the fact by listing your full name in the phone book or on a mailbox. This makes you an easy target for false accusations because you have no alibi.

17. Attend large parties with friends you can trust. Agree to “look out” for one another. Try to leave with your group, rather than alone or with a suspect woman.

18. Be cautious about revealing any personal information over the telephone and/or Internet. Don’t make yourself a vulnerable target.

19. If you have roommates, talk to them about the importance of everyone following the safety strategies at all times.

20. Lastly, stay safe out there. There are plenty of good women ready to help you if you need it. Don’t let a few bad apples change the way you feel about all women. Most of us are good and trying to help you do the right thing.

Disclaimer: Following these tips and strategies does not guarantee that a false accusation will not occur. They are offered as strategies to reduce the likelihood of you becoming a victim of false r**e accusations. -Blaire Ostler

Timeline photos 09/28/2018

Timeline photos

You can't change how your partner reacts, but you can change what they are reacting to: YOU!


Just a moment...

Let’s be honest, most divorces are not easy. You enter into a bond with someone who you plan on building a life with. The fear of things falling apart never enters your mind. Then the unthinkable happens: one day the divorce papers are signed, and life as you know it is over. While that thought alone is traumatic, it is the in-between times that leave lasting scars. Fact of the matter is, you may be suffering from PTSD after divorce.

Just a moment...




625 Panorama Trl
Rochester, NY

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Tuesday 10am - 8pm
Wednesday 10am - 8pm
Saturday 10am - 3pm
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