Audrey Schoen, LMFT

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United States
Roseville, CA
Audrey Schoen, LMFT

California Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Online video counseling for clients in California.

Helping couples and adults gain insight and clarity to feel more grounded, improve communication and create connection in their relationships.

12/31/2025

You've asked nicely. You've hinted. You've complained. You've even yelled.

For a few days, things improve… and then it all slides right back.

We often only know two ways to handle conflict: accommodate and hope, or demand and push. Neither actually gets the results we want.

There’s a third option most people never learn:
Loving firmness.

It's direct. Grounded. Kind. Firm. All at the same time.

It's learning to hold your boundaries while showing understanding. Soft and powerful at once.

I break down exactly what this looks like (with real examples) and how to actually implement it in your relationship.

https://www.audreylmft.com/blogs/loving-firmness-how-to-set-boundaries-without-fighting-and-actually-get-through-to-your-partner

12/26/2025

"I've already told them."
"I shouldn't HAVE to ask my partner not to yell."
"Why don't they just KNOW what I need?"

And you're absolutely right. You shouldn't have to.

In an ideal world, they'd be a partner. They'd notice what needs to be done. They'd step up without being asked. They’d give you the same respect they want from you.

But we don't live in an ideal world. And what you've been doing—asking nicely with no teeth behind it, then exploding when nothing changes—isn't working either.

Loving firmness is different.
It's saying "I love you. This cannot continue. And if it does, this is what happens next"—and then actually following through.

Most people attempt to set boundaries and then don't enforce them. Your partner learns (consciously or not) that your words don't mean much. That's the part we need to fix.

I broke down exactly how to implement this (and why follow-through is everything) in my latest blog post.
https://www.audreylmft.com/blogs/loving-firmness-how-to-set-boundaries-without-fighting-and-actually-get-through-to-your-partner

11/26/2025

Motherhood is beautiful… and exhausting.

I’m honored to be part of the Supermom Resource Bundle, a free collection created to celebrate the Everyday Supermoms Podcast hitting 100 episodes! It’s packed with loving, real-life support from fellow moms and experts.

Inside, you’ll find:
🧘‍♀️ Self-care tools
💬 Relationship & communication help
🧠 Confidence + mindset resets
📅 Planning & calm-in-the-chaos resources

I contributed The Art of Getting More of What You Want in a Relationship, and I hope it gives you a little extra support right when you need it.

My motherhood story:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/3-twins-mom-rage-and-embracing-imperfection-and/id1771780433?i=1000678896311

Grab the free bundle here:
www.amygrace.bio/100bundle

11/25/2025

This is the thing most couples get wrong about apologizing.

You think repair is a conversation.
A mutual exchange.
A "let's both share our sides" moment.

So one person tries to repair, but they're also defending themselves. Explaining. Making sure their partner understands their perspective too. And somehow the apology turns into another fight.

In Relational Life Therapy, repair works completely differently:
it's a one-way street.

One person is hurting.
The other person needs to show up for that hurt.
End of story.

No "but you also."
No "let me explain what I meant."
No defending yourself.

Just: "I'm sorry you're hurting. Tell me more. What do you need?"

Sounds simple. Feels impossible when you're the one being asked to do it.

But it works. And I break down exactly how to do it in my latest blog post.

https://www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-most-couples-get-repair-wrong-and-how-to-actually-fix-whats-broken

11/20/2025

Nobody teaches us how to repair after a fight.

We watched the adults in our lives either:
→ Defend themselves until everyone was exhausted
→ Sweep everything under the rug
→ Give each other the silent treatment
→ Yell and then pretend nothing happened

So we do the same things. And wonder why our relationships feel so hard.

The truth? Repair is a skill. One you can learn. One that completely changes how conflict works in your relationship.

When you know how to repair effectively:
✔ Fights don't feel so scary
✔ You trust that you can work through hard things together
✔ You stop getting stuck in the same patterns
✔ Your partner feels safe being vulnerable with you

But it requires doing something that probably goes against every instinct you have: putting aside your need to be understood in order to understand your partner.

Sounds impossible? I walk you through exactly how to do it in my latest blog post, including what to actually say when your partner is upset, and what the hurt partner needs to know too.

https://www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-most-couples-get-repair-wrong-and-how-to-actually-fix-whats-broken

11/15/2025

Most "apologies" are just disguised defenses:
→ "I'm sorry YOU felt that way"
→ "I didn't MEAN it like that"
→ "You're MISUNDERSTANDING me"

All of that translates to:
"I'm more interested in being right than making you feel better."

Repair isn't about who's correct.
It's about choosing your relationship over your ego.

When your partner is in pain, put yourself aside. Get curious. Ask what they need.

That's repair.
Everything else is just negotiation.

New blog post on the Relational Life Therapy approach to repair (and why it actually works).

Read more: https://www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-most-couples-get-repair-wrong-and-how-to-actually-fix-whats-broken

11/10/2025

Your partner is hurting. And your first instinct is to explain what you actually meant.
To correct their interpretation.
To defend yourself.
To make sure they understand you didn't mean it that way.

But every time you do that? You're choosing being right over being connected.

Repair isn't about who's correct. It's about putting your ego aside long enough to care about your partner's pain, even when you didn't mean to cause it.

Most of us were never taught how to do this. We learned to defend, explain, and protect ourselves. Not to open our hearts when someone we love is hurting.

Want to know what actually works? I wrote about the Relational Life Therapy approach to repair and why it's completely different from what most couples try to do.

Read more: https://www.audreylmft.com/blogs/why-most-couples-get-repair-wrong-and-how-to-actually-fix-whats-broken

10/31/2025

Here’s the part no one tells you: Mature love means grieving what your partner can’t give you.

Maybe they’ll never be as adventurous as you want.
Maybe they’ll never match your emotional expressiveness.
Maybe they’ll handle stress in ways that frustrate you.

Healthy couples learn to grieve those losses without making their partner wrong. They find other ways to meet those needs while valuing what is there.

That’s not settling. That’s real love.

👉 Want to dig into this more? Check out my latest blog on what healthy marriages actually look like.

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/do-healthy-marriages-actually-exist-and-what-they-really-look-like

10/21/2025

Modern marriage asks one person to do what used to take an entire community.

✔ Best friend
✔ Lover
✔ Co-parent
✔ Therapist
✔ Adventure buddy
✔ Emotional support system

…and then we wonder why marriage feels so heavy.

A healthy marriage is about appreciating what your partner does bring, and letting other relationships, hobbies, and community fill the rest.

Read more:
www.audreylmft.com/blogs/do-healthy-marriages-actually-exist-and-what-they-really-look-like

If you’re ready to get real about expectations, therapy can help. Reach out anytime. I work in Roseville, CA, and online across CA + TX.

10/14/2025

That couple who claims they “never fight” and always meet each other’s needs?

Either they’re leaving out details… or it’s not the full truth.

Real marriages have conflict, disappointment, and missed expectations. And yet, they can still be healthy.

The key is learning how to repair, reset, and stay connected through the messiness.

I use Relational Life Therapy, ART, and Brainspotting to help couples develop the skills that actually keep love alive.

👉 Curious what realistic marriage actually looks like? I just wrote a blog about it:

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/do-healthy-marriages-actually-exist-and-what-they-really-look-like

10/09/2025

Did you know I have a monthly newsletter?? This months topic was all about the question "What does a healthy marriage even look like?"
Sign up here and you also get my free guide to getting more of what you want in your relationship.
https://www.audreylmft.com/newsletter

10/07/2025

That’s the honest question every person in a long-term relationship has to ask.

Healthy marriage isn’t about avoiding disappointment — it’s about reckoning with it.

Assessing if your needs are “enough” to stay invested and making peace with what you’ll never get.

Sometimes that means finally appreciating what you have.
Other times it means realizing the gap is too big.

Both are valid.

👉 Want to dive deeper into this idea? I wrote about it on the blog:

www.audreylmft.com/blogs/do-healthy-marriages-actually-exist-and-what-they-really-look-like

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Roseville, CA

Website

http://www.AudreyLMFT.com/

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I treat couples and individuals who are seeking to gain insight and create lasting change. I provide practical, straightforward, and interactive approaches to navigating life's challenges blended with empathy and thoughtful objectivity. I particularly enjoy working with couples seeking to repair or strengthen their relationship or navigate life transitions, including poly/open relationships. I have special interest in working with first responder families. As a LEO wife, I have a deep understanding of the challenges associated with the lives of first responders and their families.

My integrative approach to therapy is founded on establishing a genuine, trusting relationship. With a focus on effective therapy, I seek what works. I am also comfortable delving into the darker realms of our human experience as well as welcoming the humor and joy that often arises in the celebration of self-discovery.

Let's create the life you want, the relationships you desire, and happiness you deserve together. I offer online video counseling to CA residents with daytime availability. As of October 2019 I have Monday and Wednesday daytime openings.