06/16/2024
For all the Special People Known as Father
Today is all about your dad as we celebrate Father’s Day. But, I wonder if they really know how we truly appreciate all that they do. I want to dedicate this blog to all of the fathers of special needs children, my own fathers, my son’s father, and most importantly to my late husband and current husband.
As a young girl, I grew up in two households, since my parents were divorced. I remember my father picking me up in his Corvette. Then he would tell me, he wanted me to help him get back to his place. I look back and remember, the dad who took me to my first Astros game, who introduced me to comedy, who wanted me to see the world and took me on trips, and bought me my first pet. I was crushed the day I got a message from my mom to come back to her place. I had been at an Astros game with friends that day and my dad had been close to my heart. I knew something was wrong and drove back to Refugio, where my mom lived, and was told my father had died in a car wreck. My father never had the privilege of getting to know my children, his grandchildren. My step father Ronnie, also known as Opa, did.
Not only was my stepfather there for me through my teens to help raise me, but he also was there for my children. He had a special relationship with each of my children. He understood they had special needs, but offered support and guidance from the time they were babies until his passing this past October. Oddly enough, he passed on the same day as my previous husband, Skippy, who was laid to rest two years prior. For the knowledge, sacrifices and encouragement they all gave to me, I am truly grateful.
Regardless of whether dads are helping to raise their children in separate homes, as a family, or as a step father, the fact is our children need their fathers. For those fathers who make the effort to be there for their children, I want to express my deepest gratitude for your unwavering dedication. Your sacrifices, both seen and unseen, do not go unnoticed. You are a beacon of strength for your family, and your love leaves an indelible mark on your child's heart.
My oldest, Davis was blessed to develop a loving bond with not only his biological father, but also my late husband, his step father. He helped me raise my son through the teenage years, forming a very strong bond. Davis thrived under his care. He taught my son everything from consequences to joking around, while nurturing him to be his unique self. My son will still ask me to do things like Skippy did it. He also has a great love for his biological father and all other family members. He asks to see his dad often, telling me the many places he has been with him. There is just a special kind of love between a boy and his father.
I am now remarried to Billy whom I have known for over 40 years, having grown up in the same small town. He is teaching Davis the wonders of being be a traveler as well as helping him grow into a young man. Because of Billy, my son was the second blind person to climb Old Baldy in Garner State Park. He was able to experience the sounds of Yellowstone, with all of the bubbling mud pits as well as the sound of Old Faithful. Davis gave everyone around us a good laugh when he yelled “what’s that noise” when Old Faithful blew as he thrust out his recorder out to catch the sound of the water. He loves to record sounds and scrambled to get his recorder for this unique sound. We have been lucky enough to travel throughout many of the Western states and up to Western New York. He has not only recorded the sounds of Yellowstone, but also the gunfight at Tombstone and the falls at Niagara Falls. I am so thankful for the fathers in his life. Not only did they nurture his growth, but they have been wonderful supports to my other son and myself.
My other son, Carson is a gamer. He also has very high functioning autism. Although he and my late husband did not always see eye to eye, he knew Skippy loved him and wanted the best for him. My husband Billy, who is also a gamer, has really brought him out of his shell. Talking to him about games as well as the hardships of life. He has shown him the joys of learning a new skill, by teaching him how to do a form for martial arts tournaments. This is where I saw a huge change in my child. When we first went to tournaments, my son did not want to be in the same room due to all of the noises and crowds. But he asked Billy to teach him and he experienced a huge transformation. He not only walked into the room and hung out by his ring, but performed with confidence. He even would do his form if he had no one competing against him, impressing several of the martial artist judging as well as Billy and I. I credit my husband for guiding him and encouraging him to see his potential and providing him with the opportunity to explore something new and grow in his confidence.
As a teacher and parent of special needs, I take notice of all of the families I encounter. I see that it is not just the mom who supports the growth and development of our children. The fathers presence makes a significant impact on the family as well. Dad’s, your patience, understanding and endless encouragement create an environment where your children feel safe to explore, learn, and grow. Your commitment to the child’s well-being is unparalleled, and your love carries your child through every hurdle, setback and triumph. By embracing a child's uniqueness you teach us the power of strength, acceptance, empathy and unconditional love.
I am sure that being a dad is really hard work. Being the dad of a disabled child is ten times harder! I know you notice your friend’s children, who grow into independent men and women, go to college, get jobs, marry and raise their own families. You watch as your own children struggle to progress and not reach the milestones that go along with the “typical” child’s journey.
I am sure that it’s isolating and a bit lonely to watching your child/adult child’s peers doing every day things with their dads reaching typical milestones, having families and careers of their own. You may feel as if your child was left behind and feel left out of the loop at times. One of the hardest parts in this, is having to plan for what happens after we are gone. For those dads that have children with special needs, your job of providing quality care and programs for your children does not end. You know this is a lifelong gig you’ll be doing long after other dads have seen their kids leave home and start their own lives. However, fathers have a knack for finding the joys in life while nurturing their children. I believe you help your children become stronger and more confident.
We know this is tough for a father, but not only do you bear this weight you make it look easy. Fathers provide comfort during tough times and inspire hope for a brighter future. You embody strength, resilience and unwavering support for your amazing children. A fathers ability to see the beauty and potential in their child, even when the world may not, is truly inspiring. Your role as a father to a child with special needs is nothing short of extraordinary, and it deserves recognition and admiration. "Sometimes the things we can't change end up changing us"
So Thank you for:
Playing the same songs every day because you know your child loves them
Taking your daughter/son to numerous doctor appts. year after year
Pausing your program on TV several times to answer questions or to deal with a problem
Patiently listening when your daughter/son is talking, trying to understand what they are trying to tell you
Laughing at the same antics that your son/daughter does day after day, year after year
Trying to balance your life with work, providing a quality life for all of your children, providing support for not only the children, but your wife/partner
You are loved and appreciated for all that you do.
Laura Swinney
