Olivia’s Hope
Six years ago in 2013, my husband and I were excited to find out we were pregnant for the first time. We were filled with excitement and nervous anticipation envisioning our life as first time parents and getting to meet this new little being and seeing this person grow. Our lives suddenly changed at our 20 week ultrasound. We found out our baby, a daughter, would not survive. She had a fatal condition called Bilateral Renal Agenesis- the lack of both kidneys. Without her kidneys, she would not be able to fully develop her lungs and would die shortly after birth. It was a huge punch to my gutt.
Our lives changed that day. We were catapulted into a world of living a balance of life and death. My daughter was still alive in my womb but would die soon after she was born. I couldn’t grasp my head around it. I had no idea what to expect, no idea what to do. I felt so lost. I needed help and didn’t know where to look. But we didn’t want to lose hope. We knew and believed that despite her lack of kidneys, she was created and loved by God. We knew she had a purpose. We named her Olivia Hope for our hope is in the Lord and we never wanted to lose hope for her and her purpose no matter how long or short her life on earth would be.
She was born on our 5th Anniversary and lived just under 5 hours. We met her, saw her and held her in our arms while she passed away into heaven. We continued to hold her, sing to her, tell her we loved her, and committed every detail of her to our memory. We treasured the time we got to spend with her. Our hearts broke again when we left the hospital and began living our lives without her. Words can’t express the hole she left in our lives. Yet our lives have changed for the better because of her.
Since Olivia, we have experienced the disappointment of two first trimester miscarriages.One in 2014 and most recently, March of 2018. In-between those two miscarriages, we had our son James who is now 3 and a half years old. Yes, he fills our hearts with so much love and we absolutely adore him. But his sister will always hold a special place in our hearts that nothing else could ever fill. Because of her, I am here. I wanted to become the help and resources for others that I couldn’t find for myself. As a doula, I'm here to walk alongside those walking the sacred journey of pregnancy and have been met with disappointment. If you are experiencing a miscarriage, I'm here. For those whose unborn baby has been given a fatal diagnosis or life limiting condition, I'm here. For those whose baby's heartbeat cannot be found and will be born still, I'm here. For those experiencing a subsequent pregnancy after a loss, I'm here. I've been through it. I'm living it. Because of ALL of my babies, 3 in heaven and 1 on earth, I want to be here for you.
