02/15/2022
REMAINING CALM IN THE STORM
Part 3 of 4
UNDERSTANDING THE FFF RESPONSE
Hereās a quick video that discusses the FFF, Fight, Flight, Freeze response in case you're unfamiliar. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEHwB1PG_-Q Although originally termed the fight or flight response, there was an expansion to include the freeze response. Which I think is very valid. In some cases itās been called the FFFF response. I myself have called it that. The fourth F includes Fawning. Iāve backed away from use of that as most people arenāt Fawning in everyday life. Although itās definitely a trauma response and can pop up for people in various situations.
With the huge issues weāre dealing with in our current society this response is really being initiated in people. Over the last 2 years (itās early 2022 now), I see this across general society and not just a factor for my clients and followers. Clients that were formerly extremely stable have been more unstable. Iām noticing people withdrawing, shutting down, being in denial or on the flip side becoming combative, authoritative, rigid, overly excited, agitated etc. I myself have cycled through many of these symptoms. These are all indicators of a stress response and we all seem to be in various degrees of a stress response and some are having more difficulty getting on top of theirs! I truly havenāt talked to anyone yet that doesnāt feel stressed by current affairs in some way and are reacting to it in some manner. Current events have changed our lifestyles, introduced more separation and most importantly affected our feelings of safety. Iāve mentioned before just how important it is to help our body feel safe again. Even without societal pressures, mast cell issues made that a daunting task. Now added to the mix is all of the societal stressors. What makes a person feel fear is different for everyone. For one it may be the virus for the other loss of medical freedoms. For one primarily their health, for another primarily their finances. For still others their physical safety. Unfortunately I could go on and on with this list. Theyāre all valid and they all have an effect. Just recognizing that is where weāre at can be deeply healing and helpful. We need to grieve that life isnāt as it should be. Just as we grieved, (or maybe youāre still working on this), being chronically ill. Acknowledgement is so important. Processing is so important. Grieving is so important. Letting go is so important. Finding a way to proceed forward is so important.
ARE YOU OPERATING OUT OF A FEAR STATE?
Iām in the habit of checking in with myself to see if thereās fear involved in my reactions, interactions and decision making. Thatās because I know if Iām sitting in fear Iām not going to be making sound decisions from my prefrontal cortex, but instead from my amygdala, the fear center of my brain. Amygdala decision making tends to be rash, spontaneous, illogical and fear and emotion based. Making an active choice to what I call āsettleā, before I make important decisions, really helps. Sometimes weāre wound up tight and our mast cells are firing, adrenaline (and other mediators) are coursing, and weāre just not a good place to make any decision from what to make for dinner or pack for a trip, much less any weighty decisions. I often think of this time when I was packing for a trip to my auntās funeral. Iād had a CT Scan with radiation that day that I was reacting to. I literally walked around in circles in my room and bathroom unable to even figure out what I needed for the short trip. Someone had to help me pack! Also, think masto rage. If you arenāt sure what that is, felt itās effects yourself or seen it play out in groups, itās a state where itās clear that someone has been triggered and isnāt thinking clearly. Those triggers can be anything that causes mast cells to degranulate. Smells, sensations, emotions, food, toxins, environment, etc. Those are just not the places to be interacting or making decisions from if at all possible. Recognition of where youāre at is the first step. I often had difficulty recognizing when I was slipping into masto rage and/or confusion. I worked out a deal with my two teenage sons to offer for me to ātake a breakā. This had to be done kindly and lovingly or it would have made things worse. They would gently say āit looks like youāre having a hard time Mom, go rest, Iāll finish dinnerā or something similar. These experiences were invaluable to me and helped me begin to send safe signals to my body again. I was loved and cared for in those times my body felt threatened. Even in the midst of still full blown mast cell reactivity I would begin to feel my body and nervous system relax. Give some thought to what slipping out of your safe zone looks and feels like for you. Create a plan with your trusted loved ones on how to navigate those situations more easily. For some people this fear state is fairly perpetual. If that resonates with you I encourage you to take a hard look at that and work on it. What can you do to create more safety in your immediate imperfect situation? Because sometimes we just are where we are at the moment and need to find our way through the best we can.
WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE CONTROL OVER?
Some of that safety needs to be built from a place of maintaining some control where itās possible. You wonāt have control over everything and thatās okay. You canāt control every aspect of every day, every interaction, every smell. Brainstorm ways to mitigate and gain some control where you can. That may involve difficult conversations with people. Understand that your needs are important and lobby for your needs. Yet be prepared for that to not always work. Some people wonāt see it like you do. Do you need to resolve that situation or can you let it go? Also check your expectations. Are your expectations setting you up to not feel safety? If you expect your neighbor not to use RoundUp, in my world view, thatās unrealistic. Would it be amazing. Should everyone stop using it? Of course! However constantly battling unrealistic expectations also puts us in a position of continually being disappointed and let down. It can effect our ability to trust, feel important and valued. I prefer not to hand the reins of those things over to my neighbors who have no skin in the game to want to help me feel safe. So how do I create safety for myself in the current situation? Can I wear a mask outdoors and maybe even indoors? Can I purchase air filters for my home? Tighten up the ability of air to enter my home? Again, I could go on and on. There may be many situations to my dilemma but if I choose to focus on what someone is not doing for me, Iāll get stuck. I always think of things in terms of what my ASD spectrum kiddoās counselor taught me. Is it worth the fight? What is to be gained? Do I have any control? Each personās line in the sand is different from anotherās. Where are yours and what do you do to protect them? Then, most importantly, let the rest go! Find solutions within your control. The anxiety, anger and fearfulness over what canāt be controlled is often far more dangerous than what isnāt controllable. Please reread that last sentence. Not letting go is so much worse! You can do your nervous system, adrenals, immune system and microbiomes a huge disservice when remaining in a state of negative emotion and energy. Unfortunately it isnāt as simple as just willing those responses away of course. The limbic system and autonomic nervous systems are firing away and producing more of what isnāt helpful, while thinking theyāre protecting you. Iām discussing those aspects in the next part of the series. For now here are some great simple tools I have personal experience with and most of my clients have used.
TOOLS FOR DEALING WITH THE FFF RESPONSE
This article is great for quickly identifying when you, or someone you love, is experiencing fight, flight or freeze. https://trauma-recovery.ca/impact-effects-of-trauma/fight-flight-freeze-responses/
This video discusses how you can ground yourself to help you feel calmer. Youāll notice bits and pieces of all the things weāve discussed thus far. I really love Therapy in a Nutshell. If you like her style there are a lot more helpful videos to be found. https://youtu.be/agdpFsKGdOE
EFT and Faster EFT, a slightly different form of EFT, can be helpful when experiencing fear and/or anxiety. The feedback I get is that Faster EFT is simpler and more effective. Itās the one I started with and continue to use. Hereās a video from the creator of Faster EFT. https://youtu.be/UnTwiQY2hcM
Amygdala (alternate nostril) breathing helps to rebalance the left and right sides of the brain which are in an imbalanced state when in a state of fear/anxiety. Amygdala Breathing https://youtu.be/D1-gEgpo8Os
Additionally I loved all of the quick and simple left/right brain balancing exercises in this video. https://youtu.be/F0_FQHsLQrk I used them frequently and especially loved rubbing my hands together quickly for a quick reset and still do it often today.
These are just a quick few options. The goal is to find what works best for you. YouTube is a treasure trove of tools that can help. Everything takes some time to become habit forming but if you find yourself really turned off by certain things and attracted to others do the ones that resonate most for you at first so youāll follow through. There really is no ārightā way of addressing all of this. Doing nothing will not move you forward while doing something, anything, will!