06/02/2025
I pulled a card from my "Embracing Metanoia" Oracle deck this morning. Found it to be an interesting choice for me.
Lately I've been reviewing my life a lot - not in a therapy setting or anything, just privately - looking at connections from certain points in my life to other points, where things went well, where things went awry, and where things were just, "Duh?".
It's always been my belief that my childhood years were the most formative, which is true for a lot of people. But when I hit adolescence I started pressing the adults in my life to make choices for myself.
Some weren't great. Some were choices for the moment, until I grew older and formed my own beliefs.
Like when I got engaged to a boy when I was 16 (fortunately, it didn't work out, LOL).
Like when I became a born-again Christian at 16 (I still believe in that to an extent, but my beliefs have morphed to accommodate other realities about spirituality based on my life experience up to my present age of 63).
Like when I wanted to become a commercial artist, was all set to apply for art school, and then got told, "Sorry, we spent all the money on schools for the younger kids".
Like when I married for the first time at 18, just to get away from my parents, and it was like a huge bus accident the entire time.
My adolescent years were filled with emotional and physical trauma that I won't get into here - much too personal - but it's still all there.
How many of us go through similar or stranger things? All of us, I suppose. I didn't have much emotional support back during this period of my life, and was figuring things out on my own.
But this card makes me wonder, at what point during these years did "I" become "me"?
Because that adolescent girl is still inside, and she's not going away.
Feel free to share your thoughts.
How do you relate to this card? What does it make you feel, remember? Does anything stand out for you as something to be addressed now, even all these years later?