05/22/2024
Iโm in a Facebook support group for spouses of people with chronic illness. I felt impressed to share this today. Maybe it would be helpful to some of you. โค๏ธ
My husband has been battling with chronic illness for eighteen years. Weโve had some good years where he has been able to function quite normally. But the last few years have been rough since Covid. Every day is a struggle. Sometimes he is able to get out of bed and some days he canโt.
I know what it feels like to hit the breaking point as the caregiving spouse. I hit it several times last year and felt like I was finally breaking down under the pressure of โcarrying it allโ while he was trying to recover from something he may never recover from. And the grief I finally let myself feel about future things we may not ever get to do as a family (i.e., trips, hikes, adventures, etc.) set in and overwhelmed me. And I felt it all. Anger, frustration, hurt, hopelessness.
But, I had a turning point a few months ago when I began to change what I prayed for. Although I continued to pray for solutions for him, I started to pray for โHis willโmore. My primary prayer was a prayer of both surrender and strength: โLord, bless me with the capacity to do Thy will.โ
In response to that prayer, lots of shifts began happening within me and around me. The main miracle that I experienced was an increased capacity for joy (even though his health circumstances remained unchanged).
Iโve been reminded time and time again during quiet moments of reflection that God hears my prayers and desires to increase joy in my life. It is what He desires the most for each of us.
Somethings that have helped me tremendously have been having:
1. Personal goals again that light me up and feel outrageous and adventurous.
2. Healthy habits that help me to feel stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally. I take my doTERRA vitamins, exercise, mediate, and prioritize sleep more intentionally right now. This has been huge!
3. A tribe that loves me and can help me to laugh and cry through the heart ache. I love my family and friends so much.
4. A more personal and intentional relationship with God. This continues to be a tremendous source of power and guidance and Iโm so grateful for the faith I was blessed with.
5. A remembrance that this life is about rediscovering and intentionally creating joy daily. This comes in a lot of different forms. With my spouse, this has even been as simple as sitting together to watch silly YouTube videos on the days he is bed bound. Just laughing more has been bonding and healing.
6. Good quality essential oils for both of us. This is a huge part of our lives and something we use daily for pain, immune support and mood management. Such a game changer.
7. Books that help me to cultivate a better mindset. I just finished the Big Leap by Gay Hendricks again. It been amazing to work on the principles myself and share them with my spouse.
Even though I may not know each of you personally, I feel you. I hope my pain can be put to good use. My prayers are with you. My hope is to find and create healing support and strength here.