12/23/2023
Good morning ya'll! This is going to be a stupid long post...
First and foremost, I want to thank each of you from the bottom of my heart for the love and support. To those of you who have donated and shared, sent prayers and uplifting messages.. My heart is full of gratitude and joy!
I have had quite a few comments and messages that were calling my integrity into play and accusing me of trying to steal money from people. It had been hurtful. I knew that asking for donations to assist in my personal life would open me up to criticism and scrutiny. That, among other things, has been one of my biggest fears. I did it anyway, I have exhausted all of my options and reluctantly am here asking for help, again.
I do not owe ANYONE an explanation on how I choose to parent or live my life. With that being said, I decided to explain a few things that have come up as concerns. I understand that there are so many scams out there and people who do not want to legitimately work for their money and try to fool people. I am not one of those. I work hard for what I have, like the majority of you and I do not want to lose it all. If I lose everything, I have a back up plan for my kids and me. Is it ideal, no. But sacrifice rarely is.
We all choose to live our lives a certain way and (at times) cannot understand the choices made by others so we are critical of how others live, instead of having compassion and understanding. I am a single mom struggling to provide for my kids- I am not special and I am not the first or the only mom in this position, nor will I be the last. I understand that I need to put my big girl panties on, shut up and get to work. I do that (almost) every day. Some days are just too much and I take a break. Everyone needs a break or they go mad. I also like to spend time with my kids because they are the most important thing in my life and never having interactions with them is a disservice to all of us.
Issue #1- "Get a second job" - a lovely suggestion from someone who lives on the other side of the country and does not know me. I'm sure other people have thought this as they rolled their eyes at my posts asking for financial help.
My reply- I have a full time job, and a part time and a side hustle. I have sold quite a bit of my possessions to be able to pay my divorce attorney and bridge the gap in bills. I've lived off of credit cards as well. I make too much money to receive any aid but not enough to make ends meet.. the constant struggle of many others I know.
Issue #2- Another stranger, in Georgia, trolled my IG and saw my bus, motorcycle etc and said: "WOW... only pic of kids is on the GoFundMe. NO kids anywhere else on profile. But plenty of you dressed in evening gown and fur stoll, you blowing off work to go riding, and more out riding alone. Makes you wonder." (omggg I wanted to correct her grammar.. But I digress…..)
BTW one of my main IG pages is OMG_BIKER_BEKI my art IG is Rabekas_art
OOOOOO... This one is a lot to unpack... here we gooooo
My reply- Fair enough. Now let me explain WHY I choose to post what I do. Like many others, I choose to focus on my happy times etc when I post on my IG, esp my moto page. I hope to, at some point, monetize that page- side hustle (you know, trying to go along with the first suggestions "get a second job" - see ladies, I'm listening!!) :)
-I choose not to put my children on the internet. It is MY choice and I do it to protect them. If you choose to do something different, that's ok! That is the beauty of all of this. We all get to choose what is right for us and our families. There are people who wish to do me harm and I choose to keep the identity of my children, where they go to school, what activities we enjoy, when we travel etc private. I rarely will post things as they happen because, in my opinion, it opens my family up to vulnerability and victimization. We have been through enough already that has not been our fault and I do not want to knowingly put my family at risk. Over the years, I have had A LOT of hate comments in person and online for my choice not to share my children with the world. But IDGAF. With so much evil out there this is how I have decided what is best for me and my kids. You do what you think is best for yours. We choose to spend time off of the computers and more time developing skills that this generation is lacking. Artistic, creative, outdoors, etc.. Those are the things we value. They are not over scheduled with sports or things because they are kids and should be able to be kids, learn and grow and not be on a tight schedule. Let's be honest, they won't be professional athletes so the need to push them as if they are is not what I have chosen to do. I do believe sports are an integral part of a kid's development, learning to work as a team and have a skill. I also can't afford sports or time to take them any more, so there's that as well.
-The pictures of me in one of my favorite green dresses and fur.. It was my brother's wedding. I dressed up. I felt it appropriate to do so. The dress was A STEAL... $2 at a thrift store!!! and that particular vintage fur was also an absolute STEAL.. $12 at a thrift store. I will add that I own quite a bit of fur, as it reminds me of my great grandmother and my grandmother. I feel close to them when I wear it. Guilty pleasure.. wearing one to the grocery store or when I hang out at home. shhhh.. don't tell! :D Some of the other gowns I post are also thrift store finds, second hand-me-downs or borrowed. Remember social media and pictures aren't always what they seem. (I used to model and so I’ll randomly post a picture I like from those gigs or shoots, some being 10 years ago because I cherished that moment)
-The copious amount of pictures I have of me riding solo.. Some of me riding by myself… I choose to ride solo because of my schedule and most of the time I need to clear my head. Quite a bit of those I have cropped people out of them because I try to be aware that not everyone wants to be on someone else's social media. I try to respect other people's privacy. If I had pictures of my kids on my bike with me, I'd have comments that I am a bad mom and they shouldn't be riding with me. 🙄 I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I am not here to appease anyone nor am I going to try. The work that I blew off was ...... yard work! I went for a ride.. I think my boss (me.. I’m the boss at my house) understood 🤣 but was definitely upset when I had to do it in the dark hahahaha
Issue #3- :"Just in time for Christmas! You are going to have a great Christmas, and the stocking stuffers for your kids are going to be a lot too!"
My reply- Ummm what?!?! Yeah my kid's stockings are going to be LIT! .. too bad I don't know where they are so thank you for reminding me that I need to go find them and put em out for my cats to shred. This year my kids are disappointed that I didn't bring out the tree or decorate extravagantly like we are accustomed to. I'm tired. I don't have the energy to do so at the end of a long ass day of work, being a kiddo taxi and cooking and cleaning. I put up our giant wreath and a few decorations to make it festive. I explained to my kids that this year we don't have a lot of extra money and they can either have STUFF for Christmas or plan a trip to visit family next summer. They chose to visit family.. which was a HUGE relief because that gives us 6 months to create art and other things to sell and save up for their trip!
This year is a homemade Christmas! Each of us have thoughtfully created a gift for each other and the excitement is absolutely heartwarming. I think they forgot me, but honestly I'm ok with that... I want to see them open the thoughtful gifts they made for each other. We are raiding my craft stash and it has been so much fun!! It has also given all of us an opportunity to spend time together creating and I love it! Their stockings are an orange in the toe, apple in the heel, nuts in the shell, a new toothbrush, a few leftover Halloween candies (hahahaha.. running joke with them) and a mini sugar cereal.
To those who have reached out and offered gifts for my kids, thank you, your generosity is appreciated more than I can express. I did refuse them because I am trying to teach my kids that sometimes we pivot and try something new for the holidays. It is about spending time, not money and cultivating relationships over material wants.
The money from the GoFundMe is to help with bills, hopefully get my truck back and mortgage. It isn't funding an extravagant lifestyle, trips or presents.
Do I own a motorcycle? YES! could I sell it, yeah I could but I'm upside down on it so I'd be without a moto AND paying on something I no longer own.. I call that financial stupidity. We all have that one thing that helps keep us sane.. mine is my motorcycle. It had saved my life when I was ready to throw in the towel. It is the ONLY time when my mind can S**U and focus on one thing. When I ride I have to block out all the noise, all the have to's, all the self hatred and trauma and focus on the road ahead of me and not dying because drives are fkn horrible and mean.
Do I own my house? Technically yes. Could I sell it? Yes. However, in this market I would be stupid to do so. I would be either paying triple for another house that is smaller, my interest rate would be just about triple of what it is currently AND I'd have to uproot my family and move. OR I'd be renting a studio apartment for almost double my mortgage... Now make that make sense.
Do I own a school bus? YES! Matilda is part of the family. She is paid off and we go camping and road trips on a budget with her. Could I sell her? Yuppers. However, if we lose everything the skoolie is our plan B. We will have an adventure for a year or so (to save money etc) and travel and live on the bus. Plus, she ain't worth much in cash value.
We live simply. We shop second hand, even for special occasions and gifts. Thrift stores and yard sales and buy nothing groups have helped immensely. We raise our own chickens and some of our food. We barter and trade and sew our own things and create our own art and reuse as much as we possibly can. If we are wearing anything name brand, you best believe it was a red letter day at the thrift store or yard sale! I hate paying full price. Even ROSS is too expensive most times. I have learned how to do so much myself since it is a fraction of the cost of buying it or paying for the service needed. Is it as good? HAHAH no. But I get the job done in a satisfactory manner. My truck was not a new one but it was paid off, too bad it wasn't in my name.. hoping to fix that soon. We visit community pantries and do our best to give back to the community who has supported us in this difficult time. We won't always be in this position, I hope to be able to turn around in a few years and help others that are struggling. But for now, this is where we are. It is humbling and oftentimes embarrassing.
I already know that I will continue to get criticism after this update but that's okay. I know where my heart is, what we have been through and that is enough. If you have taken the time to read this, thank you. Thank you for your generosity and love. Merry Christmas ya filthy animals! 🥰
Who this will help Hi and hello. I have debated on creating… Rabeka Spagnolo Harrison needs your support for Help us get back on our feet after suffering abuse
