Believe it or not, family is the most powerful influence in the development of a
It is within the family that children begin to get a sense of identity. This is where they form their value system and find their models for future relationships.
It's also where children learn to relate to others, give and receive affection, communicate effectively, and resolve conflicts.
All of these skills contribute to your child's healthy s*xuality and help ensure satisfying, adult relationships.
Do you find this to be true as well? Let me know in the comments!
Healthy Chats for Tweens and Mom
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Coroute Pleno Verano
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Del Mar 92014
Private (your troop only) virtual workshops and public (for mom/daughter duo not in a group/troop) virtual workshops will be formed. Girl Scouts will earn a patch. Our workshops are personable and include live demonstrations, interactive polls, ability to ask anonymous questions and a shared mother/daughter experience you will treasure for a lifetime. We are in this together!
Please check out our website for more information – www.healthychats.com
Got questions? I'm here to help! Please reach out at [email protected]
Let the Chat begin...
Healthy Chats - Mothers and Tweens
Healthy Parenting You can read about Healthy Chats below.
Meet Dr. de Freitas...
Healthy Chats founder, Dr. Chrystal de Freitas, is a pediatrician, author, and mother of three children who has a special interest in health education. She completed her pediatric training at the University of Washington in Seattle, WA, and has been in private practice for over 22 years. She practiced with North County Health Services in Encinitas for 6 years, and in 2004
Operating as usual
Believe it or not, family is the most powerful influence in the development of a
Did you know there are six types of communication styles we should avoid as parents? They are:
- Passive Aggressive
The problem with these types of communication is they will not only affect our children negatively, but our children will use them on other people as they grow up!
Are you familiar with these types of communication styles? Let me know in the comments!
So, did you know that 25 % of females ages 15 to 20 will get pregnant at least once before the age of 20?
And did you know that the abortion rate for those same teens is 29 %? What’s going to happen now that our Justice system has imposed further roadblocks on female reproductive health?
At the same time, the surveys show when it comes to health education, that 52% of teens between ages 12 – 15 felt the highest influencer in their decision-making was their parents. Friends came in at 17% -
Have you heard of “playground s*xed?”
Only 29 states and the District of Colombia require that public schools teach comprehensive s*xual education? Do you know if your state provides comprehensive health education in your child’s school?
Basic s*x information starts at home! For that 70% of you mothers who worry about your parenting skills, and connecting with your daughters, e-mail me at: [email protected], and let’s get your daughters safely over the bridge and into a healthy adult life
Home Are you ready to have that first conversation on puberty with your daughter? Don't let your school district dictate what she learns. As
What is individuation? (And when does it start?)
Individuation is the process of our children becoming individuals, and it usually starts around age 11 or 12.
For children, it means leaving behind the security and comfort of home and family and venturing into the adult world.
It can be hard, but parents need to give their tweens the space they need to grow into their own person, while also providing guidance and support.
This can be a difficult balance to strike, but with open communication between parents and tweens, it is possible!
Have you heard about individuation before? What's your experience with it? Let me know in the comments!
This may or may not surprise you: children are excellent observers, but poor interpreters.
They see very clearly what's happening around them, but they don't always interpret those events properly.
For example: if there's a new baby in the house, they might see that the baby is getting a lot of attention, but they can't quite interpret why that might be happening.
They might see it as favoritism, rather than the circumstances of a new baby needing attention, and they can start acting out for attention.
Keep this idea in mind as you're navigating the journey of bringing siblings into the picture. Children can't interpret things the way we can, and we need to take special care to make sure they feel significant and that they belong.
Have you noticed any change in your other children after having a new baby in the house? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments!
🖐🏼Things to Consider Before Taking a Puberty Class:
1. Make sure the information is age-appropriate
2. Ensure the information is up to date
3. Confirm whether the educator is experienced in health education
4. Confirm whether sensitive topics like birth/conception will be discussed
5. Ask whether there's room for you to add your own values
These are so important to consider before enrolling you and your child into a puberty class.
Have you ever considered taking one before? Let me know in the comments!
Pop quiz: What do you do when your child interrupts you when you're having a conversation?
Is your first reaction anger or annoyance?
When children talk out of turn or do something that bothers us, it's not because they *want* to bother you — it's because their underlying belief is:
"I am not significant unless I have my mom's attention."
This is called misguided behavior, and it's a child's way of getting attention from us, usually in inappropriate ways.
They don't realize it. They just believe they're not significant unless they have your attention, and they'll do anything to satisfy that belief (including getting your negative attention!)
What kind of behavior does your child exhibit to get your attention? Let me know in the comments!
What is s*xuality?
Contrary to popular belief, it's about much more than the mechanics of s*x.
It's more than 'the talk' about the birds and the bees. It involves many aspects of our lives, including both of the options listed above!
(The answer is 'c' by the way!)
When discussing s*xuality with our children, we need to be prepared to ALSO talk about respect, both for others and ourselves, and about understanding differences between the s*xes that are more than just physical.
What are your thoughts on s*xuality? Have you talked about it with your children?
Let me know in the comments!
Have you heard of Special Time? This is when you set aside a specific amount of time to give your full attention to your child.
If you'll notice, many children just want attention, and we can't give them our attention all of the time.
But unfortunately, lack of attention causes our children to act out and sometimes, do things they know they shouldn't.
Setting aside a dedicated amount of time each day or a few times a week can give your child that special dose of you that they crave.
There's nothing better than having someone's full attention, right? Set aside some Special Time to give that to your child. And let them choose the activity.
If you need more advice on how Special Time works, let me know in the comments or send me a message. I'd love to help you add this time with your child!
As a parent, we can thrive by practicing the art of listening.
Look for your child's perspective on everyday events instead of using the
tinted glasses of your own adult experiences.
These are door openers for conversations, making it easier to open the door later when it comes to talking about s*xuality.
And when that day comes, it's always helpful to have a clear set of values to share with your children.
• What are the main points you want to teach your children about human relationships?
• How should people in relationships behave? How do they solve conflicts?
• What is a healthy balance of power in a relationship?
The closer children get to their teen years, the more important it is to review these topics with them!
Do you agree? Let me know in the comments!
Have you heard of assertive communication?
It's when a person can say what they want to others very clearly.
And when we use assertive communication with our children, it establishes us as the authority in our home.
But it also models how our children can express their needs in a healthy way as they get older.
Have you heard of assertive communication before? Do you think you are communicating assertively with your children? Let me know in the comments!
I know — puberty was a LONG time ago.
And it's hard to remember what it was like.
But when you reflect on your own experience with puberty, it helps you relate to what your teenager might be going through.
I know it was a different time when we were going through puberty, but we still dealt with many of the same emotions and physical changes.
So tell me: what's one thing you wish you knew about puberty before it started? It just might help you relate to your evolving tween!
I cannot stress the importance of educating children about their bodies (and how to love them, regardless of shape or size).
For some people, this is uncomfortable.
But the truth is, the more children know about their bodies, the more they'll know how to use their own body responsibly when they grow up.
One book that helps children embrace their bodies, that I recommend, is Bodies Are Cool by Tyler Feder.
Using books to talk about the body is a little easier than having to explain everything yourself!
What other parenting books do you recommend on this subject? Let me know in the comments!
CALLING ALL MOMS:
I'm curious. What would you want MOST to help you parent your teen?
A) A first-period kit.
B) An online course just for moms and tweens
C) An online consultation for moms and teens.
Let me know in the comments! And if you choose 'other', what would that be?
I'd love to know! ⬇️
When I asked my daughter what she thought discipline meant...guess what her response was?
But that's not the case at all!
Discipline actually means to educate.
And a strategy I like to use in parenting is actually called positive discipline, which is where you educate your children in a kind, but firm way.
What was your definition of discipline?
Let me know in the comments, I'd love to hear it!
When my children were preteens, I examined the health education curriculum they were going to receive at school, and I volunteered my services as a way to get involved.
The school welcomed me with open arms and asked me to teach young girls about the changes of puberty and related issues.
The classes I taught were eye-openers. The girls lacked basic information about conception (information I thought they would have received at home).
In my experience, providing health information did not “spoil their innocence.” Rather, it “bridged their ignorance.”
The girls were not comfortable asking their mothers about the topic of conception or the changes in their bodies brought on by puberty.
“I am too embarrassed to speak to my mom about this,” they would say. And yet, they would question me, a stranger.
My Healthy Chats program can help you bridge that gap and hopefully, keep the embarrassment from developing in the first place. For more information, visit healthychats.com.
Do you remember the last time you were trying to speak to someone, but you could tell they weren't listening to you?
Sit with that feeling for a minute.
It didn't feel good, right? This is how our children feel when they try to get our attention, and we aren't listening.
In my experience, the best way to show children we are listening to them is to be attentive, get down to eye level, and to connect with their feelings first.
Do your best not to *fix* things, but be empathetic and ask open-ended questions instead, like:
"That must have really hurt your feelings, what can you do now?"
"Wow, I can see you are really upset!"
"Tell me more about that..."
This will help our children recognize that we are truly listening to them. Have you tried this method before? Let me know in the comments!
It's not easy finding ways to tell your children where babies come from.
We know we have to have that talk with them at some point, but it's not always easy to know when that moment is!
Try a few of these suggestions below. They're what I call "teachable moments".
These moments can open up the conversation to share with your children more about where babies come from:
- A trip to the zoo
- Pets giving birth
- Pregnant friend or relative
- Visit to the doctor
- Birth of a sibling
- People showing affection in public
And remember, if we don't share this information with our kids, they'll get it one way or the other!
It's best if it comes from us. :)
If you have concerns having 'the talk' with your children, send me a DM. I help make these sensitive conversations easy and natural.
Ever have trouble moving your children through their daily routines?
I get it. Usually transition times, like when it's time for dinner, bath time, or bedtime, are the hardest.
What I find really helpful is having some kind of visual to help children move through their routines.
For example, take pictures of them doing a specific routine, and tape the pictures up in the area where that routine needs to be done.
Children love seeing pictures of themselves! And this can motivate them to do the routine consistently.
Do you do anything like this to move your children through daily routines? Let me know in the comments!
Many parents believe the topic of s*x is only for preteens and teenagers. But when you give "the talk" right before puberty, the fact is, it's too late.
The response is usually "I already know that." Your teens or preteens have likely already been informed (or misinformed) by friends or peers at school.
Delaying "the talk" only makes it harder to have later.
My advice? Start earlier. But make it age-appropriate.
You don't have to jump into the s*x topic when they're five, but giving them information about their bodies early on is a good start.
For example, young girls should know that they have private body parts, and that these parts are covered by their bathing suits.
This is a simple way of letting them know about their bodies, without going into too much detail when they're little.
If you need specific advice on how to talk to your children about s*x, send me a DM. I'd love to help!
How do you deal with challenging behavior?
Sometimes it feels like there's no right answer. But one of the first things I like to do is explore the "why" behind the behavior.
Typically, children act out because they want to feel like they belong, and they want to feel significant.
Don't we all?
Once you pinpoint the "why" behind the child's behavior, it helps both of you understand each other more.
Have questions about this concept? Send me a DM, or leave me a question in the comments!
Tell me what you think about this:
Educating our children about "the birds and the bees" should begin at an early age so that the lines of communication are working well by the time our children are 'of age.'
Many of the girls I've taught s*x education to have often told me they didn't feel comfortable speaking to their mom about changes in their bodies. Or they were too embarrassed.
So moms, it's important to keep these topics in mind and find the right teachable moments to share them with our children.
If you need help, send me a DM. I teach moms how to talk to their children about s*x and puberty in small, actionable steps that will make their job easier and more effective.
That one day I got ready for school on a Saturday...😭
But hey, that's the value of a good routine, right?
Routines are very comforting for children (and also for adults!). They give them a sense of purpose and structure in their life.
That's why you never want to underestimate the power of a good routine with children. You'd be surprised how effective they can be during transition times like dinner time, bath time, etc.
Do you have routines for your children?
Let me know in the comments!
Meet Dr. de Freitas...
Healthy Chats founder, Dr. Chrystal de Freitas, is a pediatrician, author, and mother of three children who has a special interest in health education. She completed her pediatric training at the University of Washington in Seattle, WA, and has been in private practice for over 32 years. She practiced with North County Health Services in Encinitas for 6 years, and in 2004 Dr. de Freitas opened her solo private practice of pediatrics, Carmel Valley Pediatrics, in San Diego, CA. Presently she continues in private practice with Children’s Primary Care Medical Group, Carmel Valley.
When her own children were going through the health education class at school, Dr. de Freitas realized how difficult it was for her to speak to them about sexuality. She could only imagine that other parents were having the same concerns and trepidations. After volunteering her time at the local school, she introduced a curriculum for mothers and their young daughters as a way to review with them the basic information about puberty, birth and conception.
These seminars grew in popularity and led to the publication of Dr. de Freitas' first book, "Keys to Your Child's Healthy Sexuality." As a direct result of those early seminars at her children's elementary school, the doctor has been presenting the "Healthy Chats for Girls" mother-daughter seminar and the "The Birds and the Bees with Ease!" parents seminar for over 25 years. (Her daughters have finally forgiven her! )
Dr. de Freitas has taught at California's Scripps Memorial Hospital, Scripps Well Being Center, Tri-City Medical Center, and Mende Well Being Center. "Healthy Chats" seminars have been presented to numerous schools and Girl Scout troops, and are also offered in the privacy of a host family's home for groups of mothers and daughters. You can also sign up for a Healthy Chats with your daughter at your local CPCMG office.
In view of the present situation with COVID-19 the seminar is now being offered online.
Dr. de Freitas resides in Carmel Valley with her husband of over 40 years.
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