Vera Fleischer MFT: Good Enough Psychotherapy

I'm a psychotherapist. Together we can explore what is good enough for you. Let's let go of perfection. Enough is contentment and peace. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFC 97057

Psychologist D.W.

Winnicott coined the term "good enough parenting." There is no such thing as perfect parenting. If you received good enough parenting, you were lucky enough to get the best parenting possible. There is also no such thing as a perfect human being. We make ourselves miserable trying to be perfect. Knowing that we are good enough is really all we need. The same applies to psychotherapy: I provide goo

Operating as usual

[10/03/20]   "Spend enough time in a secure relationship, and you'll become an anchor! [...] No one changes from fundamentally insecure to fundamentally secure under conditions of fear, duress, disapproval, or threat of abandonment [...]. Only through acceptance, high regard, respect, devotion, support, and safety will anyone gradually grow more secure." --Stan Tatkin

09/24/2020

If this is you, you’re not alone.

08/04/2020

Truth bomb of the day.

05/22/2020

A little blurb about virtual EMDR via RemotEMDR.
https://verafleischer.com/virtual-emdr/

sanfranciscosextherapy.com 05/18/2020

Relationship Lessons from S*x Education Season Two — San Francisco Intimacy & S*x Therapy Centers: Leading S*x & Couples Therapists/ Coaches in SF Bay Area Over 60 Locations

Hey look, the California Relationship Centers posted an article I wrote about the relationship lessons from Season 2 of S*x Education: https://sanfranciscosextherapy.com/blog-san-francisco-couples-therapy-marriage-counseling-sex-therapy-relationship-advice-lgbt/2020/5/14/relationship-lessons-from-sex-education-season-2

sanfranciscosextherapy.com Written by Vera Fleischer, MA, MFT I’m a psychotherapist who has been working with numerous individuals and relationships for over six years. I watch a lot of TV shows about relationships, and I find many of them inspiring as a person and as a therapist. I saw S*x Education Season 1 and thought i

[04/14/20]   This is so on point.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B-7OCIbqnlm/

verafleischer.de 02/16/2020

When Your Inner Child Needs You | Vera Fleischer

We all have inner children inside of us who have been hurt, abandoned, shamed, or overwhelmed – or a combination thereof. Their wounds often live on in us for years, and if we find ourselves having a strong reaction to a situation, it may well be that one of our inner children has a part in that.
https://verafleischer.de/en/2020/02/16/when-your-inner-child-needs-you/

verafleischer.de Posted on 16. February 202016. February 2020 by VeraWhen Your Inner Child Needs You We all have inner children inside of us who have been hurt, abandoned, shamed, or overwhelmed – or a combination thereof. These children can be 2, 7 or 16 years of age, or even 23 for all I care. Their wounds often...

yourcorewound.com 10/30/2019

What is the Emotional Tone of Your Core Wound?

Some great stuff from fellow therapist Rachel Kaplan: https://www.yourcorewound.com
I took the quiz, and my core wound is shame.

yourcorewound.com Welcome!  IT looks like you may want to join the feelings movement and heal yourself.  If you’re here you must be looking for ways to take your healing to the next to the next level.  No matter where you are on your path, I’m glad you’re here. Your ability to create genuine self worth, emo...

10/13/2019

Instructions for life.

09/18/2019

Sometimes it's like this.

thisamericanlife.org 08/29/2019

Ten Sessions - This American Life

As a therapist, I found this piece super interesting. I’m thinking it could also be relevant to non-therapist humans who have feelings and sticky thoughts.
https://www.thisamericanlife.org/682/ten-sessions

thisamericanlife.org What if someone told you about a type of therapy that could help you work through unhealed trauma in just ten sessions? Jaime Lowe tried the therapy—and recorded it.

psychologytoday.com 08/25/2019

How Narcissistic Parents Scapegoat Their Children

"The presence of a designated scapegoat effectively prevents any kind of open dialogue about [...] how the family interacts."

"Yet, in all of this, there is indeed a silver lining. Of all the children growing up with a narcissistic mother, it is the scapegoated child who’s more likely to come to terms with and recognize the toxic patterns of this relationship — those displayed by her mother and other family members. She’s more likely to seek help healing from these patterns and their effects than her siblings, who have bought into the family story, lock, stock, and barrel. She is often the only child in the family who has a shot at being able to have healthy and sustaining relationships once she’s sought help for herself."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201711/how-narcissistic-parents-scapegoat-their-children

psychologytoday.com What it's like to be targeted by a narcissistic parent.

dailyxtra.com 08/18/2019

Why are q***r people so mean to each other?

"There is a list of life lessons that therapists are meant to teach here: namely, that conflict happens, but we can survive it. People are often disappointing, and we are allowed to set boundaries on relationships — but if our boundaries are too rigid, then we will always be disappointed. The fact that someone may not like or love us does not mean we are inherently unworthy of being loved. This is the wisdom that distinguishes the journey from adolescence to adulthood, youth to maturity."

"[De-escalation] might look like simply taking space from a relationship that feels like it’s becoming toxic rather than spreading rumors about the other person, speaking from a place of humility rather than angry righteousness when addressing someone’s problematic behaviour, or acknowledging one’s own ego and capacity for making mistakes when processing a conflict."

https://www.dailyxtra.com/why-are-q***r-people-so-mean-to-each-other-160978

dailyxtra.com How brain science explains q***r trauma, conflict and call-out culture

longreads.com 08/17/2019

Whiteness on the Couch

"Psychotherapy is always about behavior change, and behavior change can happen long before psychological healing is complete. Just like you don’t need to wait until the cravings stop to quit drinking, a white person can drastically decrease their racist behaviors and increase their willingness to undermine white supremacy long before their racist thoughts and feelings subside."

"Despite my familiarity with the DSM concept of 'culture bound syndromes' — the culturally and socially determined mental health issues of other racial and ethnic groups — I never considered that white Americans could have their own culture bound syndromes, like anorexia maybe, or mass shootings."

"And once I began to consider that white people could be a separate social group, with particular psychological dynamics, influenced by our specific cultural history, all meticulously detailed in the annals of psychological theory and research, I couldn’t stop. And by coincidence or not, the world wouldn’t let me stop, because whiteness in 2019 wants you to rub your nose in it and inhale deeply."
https://longreads.com/2019/08/12/whiteness-on-the-couch/?fbclid=IwAR3OIpc6vrSisjTSgEqKvaFFSl7rNZeXL-Onqq-OHnBaZBeA1GMG2TGESS8

longreads.com Clinical psychologist Natasha Stovall looks at the vast spectrum of white people problems, and why we never talk about them in therapy.

08/16/2019

Vera Fleischer MFT: Good Enough Psychotherapy

08/16/2019

Vera Fleischer MFT: Good Enough Psychotherapy

08/16/2019
germany.info 07/20/2019

www.germany.info

I am happy to announce that I am listed on the list of German-speaking mental health providers published by the German Consulate General of San Francisco. This means a lot to me, and I am happy to provide psychotherapy services to German-speaking individuals, couples and families in the Bay Area.
https://www.germany.info/blob/955570/cf3b2a3bef0f9bbecc2a800ed7b23838/physicians-pdf-dl-data.pdf

germany.info

06/09/2019

Latino Men Try Therapy For The First Time

This is super great.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC9eisJikwc

"I don't know anything about therapy, I'm still trying to learn the concept of it." Credits: https://www.buzzfeed.com/bfmp/videos/76397 Check out more awesom...

05/01/2019

Feeling this.

foreignaffairs.com 05/01/2019

Relation-Based Leadership for the 21st Century

Secure attachment is important even in the workplace. Makes sense! https://www.foreignaffairs.com/sponsored/relation-based-leadership-21st-century

foreignaffairs.com

[04/27/19]   I heard this today, and I really hope it’s true: “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

theschooloflife.com 04/24/2019

When Do You Know You Are Emotionally Mature? 26 Suggestions

A few points about emotional maturity.

theschooloflife.com You realise that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety - rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools. It makes thin

04/14/2019

Oh the glory.

Healing looks like 👇🏼🙏🏼🌞#healing #psychotherapy #loveyourself

01/19/2019

www.apa.org

Relevant: “Guidelines for Psychological Practice With Boys and Men”
https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines.pdf

apa.org

newyorker.com 12/13/2018

Love Is Not a Permanent State of Enthusiasm: An Interview with Esther Perel

Esther Perel on modern relationships:

“Rules have been replaced by choices. But at the same time we have massive uncertainty and massive self-doubt. Every second book about relationships these days is about belonging and loneliness.

So I think that’s the big thing that is changing: what used to be defined by rules and duty and obligation now has to take place in conversation. And so everything is a freakin’ negotiation!”

newyorker.com From the New Yorker Festival, the couples therapist and podcast host discusses infidelity, apologies, and the problem with wedding vows these days.

ciis.edu 12/04/2018

Discovering Natural Fulfillment

This looks like an interesting workshop because this quote from the description itself is a truth bomb:

"You are naturally already who you are. Perhaps, also naturally, you have different degrees of pain or suffering in your life. But when you continually try to avoid, fight, deny or dramatize that pain or suffering, your overlook what is always free of that. The overlooking itself becomes the habit of suffering. When suffering becomes a habit, your allegiance to it steals your lifeblood and unique life."
–Gangaji

https://www.ciis.edu/public-programs/event-calendar/gangaji-fw18

ciis.edu Discovering Natural Fulfillment, A Workshop with Gangaji

thecut.com 12/04/2018

I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life

“Shame is the opposite of art.”

thecut.com When you live inside of your shame, everything you see is inadequate and embarrassing.

12/02/2018

Childhood Emotional Neglect happens when your parents fail to adequately respond to your emotional needs as they arise in you. If you grew up in this way, you are inevitably suppressing or walling off your emotions as an adult because you were taught that your emotions aren’t important. Childhood Emotional Neglect is largely invisible, and therein lies its power. It is a type of trauma but, unlike abuse, it is characterized not by an event or a presence but by a non-event or an absence.

Symptoms of Childhood Emotional Neglect:
• Inner emptiness
• Guilt, shame, anger, blame
• Fear of depending on and trusting others
• Lack of self-compassion
• “There is something wrong with me”
• Difficulty identifying and expressing emotions

What we can do:
Healing happens by accessing and valuing your emotions. When you know and value yourself on the inside, you can start to change your life on the outside. Contact me to get started on this process.

[09/04/18]   There’s something to this theory.

blogs.psychcentral.com 06/14/2018

6 Important Facts About Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)

“I have not found a single diagnosis or emotional struggle more responsive to treatment than Childhood Emotional Neglect.”

blogs.psychcentral.com Few of life’s challenges are more poorly understood than Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). Yet CEN has so much influence in today’s world that it’s difficult to convey its true depth and reach. Childhood Emotional Neglect happens when your parents...

05/19/2018

Exactly this.

@estherperelofficial

04/14/2018

Saw this recently, and it produced a feeling of YES inside me. I know it’s easier said than done though. Fear can be debilitating.

newyorker.com 04/10/2018

Junot Díaz: The Legacy of Childhood Trauma

This is so good. Author Junot Díaz talks about his childhood sexual abuse and the mask he wore in order to cope with it.

newyorker.com I never got any help, any kind of therapy. I never told anyone.

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